Ongoing Training

I know that it has been a while since I have written an entry.  While I have had a lot of things inspire a blog entry, I have not had much time and/or interest in writing.  Because of this, I am taking a little time now to do so.

I just finished my yearly In-Service with the Nebraska Department of Correctional Services yesterday.  It’s a week long series of classes.  Some of them, like fire safety and report writing are required by everyone.  Others, like PPCT (Pressure Point Control Tactics) are only required for those who have direct Inmate contact.  As a Unit Case Worker, I have to not only take ‘basic self-defense,’ but more advanced defense and control tactics in order to protect myself and other staff from an aggressive Inmate.

This past week was enjoyable and challenging.  Because I am a certified ASHI (American Safety and Health Institute – https://emergencycare.hsi.com/) First Aid and CPR qualified, instead of taking the First Aid/CPR class, I taught part of it.  Although I had a bit of a rough start, I did manage to keep it interesting and informative.  I focused on the First Aid part while the Training Specialist, in charge of the In-Service classes, taught the CPR part.  This was good because we had a large class, so out tag teaming it broke it up into more manageable groups.  That was a lot of fun!

Because my back problems flared up last week, while on a short vacation or all things, I was really worried about the self-defense part this past week.  However, since God evidently wants me to stay where I am at, He enabled me to not just partake in the class, but to participate normally.  That is, although my back bothered me at times, it did not limit me in what I could do.  And, since martial arts is something I have always been very interested in, I really got a good workout, for two days straight.

In fact, the Training Specialist joked with me yesterday morning, the day after all of the PPCT/self-defense training.  Because of all that I did in training, she was not expecting me to be in class yesterday.  I then told her that, quite frankly, I was astounded that I was not in excruciating pain myself.

Now, I just have to finish my on-line portion of my In-Service.  This is the part that I am not overly thrilled about.  Having grown up on the 70s and 80s, my preference is the ‘traditional classroom.’  While I can learn from an online course, it just isn’t the same as attending the class, having a physical book(s), and being able to actively interact with the instructor and other students.  It just isn’t as enriching.

Now, there are some on-line things that I have been actively taking advantage of that I do like.  For example, I am really enjoying Duolingo (https://www.duolingo.com/).  I am using it to maintain my German language skills and learn Spanish.  Although it’s not nearly as good as actually partaking in a class, it is set up in such a way as to enable a person to learn another language.  Of all the different ‘learn-at-your-own-pace’ books and programs that I have tried over the years, this one is one of the best.  In my opinion…

At least the training that I am doing for the Nebraska Department of Corrections isn’t as intense and annoying as some of the Army training that I have done over the years.  For example, the ‘Accident Avoidance’ course that I’ve taken yearly since 2003 has not changed at all.  It not only has the same person narrate it, while wearing ‘old school’ BDUs, which were replaced by the ACUs many years ago, but the scenarios have not changed.  And, since you can’t skip though things, one is forced to sit through the exact…same…annoying…unchanging…scenario…  To me, that is a very good definition of ‘death by PowerPoint.’ 

I also had to do many other classes in order to be able to promote to Staff Sergeant and for being a ADSO (Additional Duty Safety Officer) for my unit.  The on-line course for promotions, SSD2 (Self-Structured Development, I believe) was very long and tiring.  Don’t get me wrong…  There was a lot of good things in the course.  And, much of it was definitely important things to know and understand so that I could be a good mid-level leader.  However, the class’ approach and teaching style often left a lot to be desired.  At least for me, it was not very engaging at times.

I do know that everyone learns differently.  What works well for one person may not work as well for someone else.  For me, on-line classes have to be done in a very engaging way, and be something that I am really interested in, for it to be effective and enjoyable.  And, I do understand that many large corporations/organizations do a lot of the on-line training because it cuts down on their cots.  Understandable… 

Oh, well…  In a little bit, I will return to my on-line training for NDCS and continue to plod through it.  After that, I will do some on-line training that I really enjoy.  That is, the Duolingo course.  I will also probably engage in one of my new hobbies this weekend.  Well, finish something from a new hobby.  More about that later, though…

In closing, I definitely do encourage all of you to continue to learn and grow.  Find avenues, be it from an instructor in a class, from YouTube videos, or from a book, to learn new things and improve skills that you already have.  The more you learn, the more you better your life and the lives of those around you.

In Christ,

Ray

A Dark and Stormy Night

References:
• Matthew 27:33-54 NAS
• Mark 15:22-39 NAS
• Luke 23:33-49 NAS

For those who don’t know me, there are some things that I really enjoy that others may not like at all. For example, I enjoy a good thunderstorm. Having grown up in northeastern Kansas (almost 10 whole years), I came to enjoy ‘God’s light show,’ the patter of rain on the windows, looking for rainbows, etc. No, I have not met Dorothy or Toto.

Something else that I really enjoy is a good suspense thriller or horror movie. Now, I do not care for the ‘slasher films’ that are so popular. For me to enjoy the movie, there has to be an intelligent plot, good character development, and unexpected plot twists are always a plus. One example would be the Showtime series “Penny Dreadful” that is on Netflix. I found the series to be a very interesting and unique retelling of various horror stories like Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, etc. It’s not for everyone, that’s for sure.

I do know that some Christians believe that it is evil to watch horror movies because of their portrayal of witchcraft, promotion of evil deeds, etc. There have been a number of movies that I stopped watching because of reasons similar to these. But, for the most part, just like science fiction, I know that they are fictitious, not real, and that they are not (normally) based on Scripture but on myths, pagan beliefs, etc. And, having experience real spiritual warfare myself over the years, I find myself often laughing at how things are portrayed.

Quite frankly, my wife and I will sometimes watch a poorly based horror movie and entertain ourselves with making fun of it. Her experiences are very different than mine when it comes to spiritual warfare. Because of this, there are times where I will seek her thoughts on something, or she will ask me for my input. Our different experiences, personalities (I am an INFJ and she is the polar opposite, an ESTP), training, etc., help us to become better together.

The thunderstorms that we have been experiencing the last few days, including today, helped inspire this blog entry. That, and the fact that I have been watching a number of pretty good horror/thriller movies lately. That, and it’s the night before Easter.

Why am I making these connections? It’s something that I, as an INFJ, do very easily. It’s how my mind works. But, there is a real logic to all of this, if you will just bare with me a little more. Spiritual warfare is essentially the legions of Satan fighting against God and trying to keep each of us away from God’s love and mercy. Whether it is more subtle attacks against our faith in God through friends and family concerning our faith in Christ and belief in Scripture, or they are made manifest in attacks on our character or even our bodies. It all has roots in the spiritual world. It is not something that we see (unless God grants us the ability to see into the spiritual realm), but it’s something that we feel the effects of.

Think about it. Christ’s crucifixion was greatest battle in the eternal war between God and Lucifer (now known as Satan). Up until Jesus’ death and resurrection, we were all spiritually dead, eternally separated from God because of our sinful nature. We belonged to Satan, the ruler of this world. On Good Friday, when Jesus was crucified, Satan genuinely believed that he had won the battle, and the war. It wasn’t until Sunday morning, when Jesus rose again from the dead, that Satan realized that he not only lost that battle, but he also lost the war.

I work for the Nebraska Department of Correctional Services, have been there for almost 10 whole years now. Because of the evil within a lot of the Inmates, every day is intense emotionally and spiritually for me. Not every Inmate is ‘evil-incarnate,’ but quite a few are. Also, because of the sin that many have lived in, demonic forces dwell around, and sometimes within. It’s an environment that I walk within almost daily. Because I have spent about half of my career working within the segregation unit, dealing with people who tend to do evil things on a regular basis, often ‘just of kicks’ or for pure enjoyment, it is sometimes very, very intense.

Although this job can be very dark and morbid, a lot, God does touch lives through me, both staff and inmates. God has used me to encourage those who do follow Him in their individual walks, and He has used me to point others to Him. Both staff and Inmates. God’s love, grace, and peace do indeed shine in the life of several staff members and a number of Inmates. Though they may be just as guilty as the two thieves that hung on either side of Jesus (just as all of us are), some have turned to Jesus and said, “Jesus, remember me when You come in Your kingdom!” (Luke 23:42)

Scripture testifies to the evil within our hearts. Scripture testifies to the incredible holiness of God. Scripture also testifies to God’s ‘steadfast love’ for each of us. On that dark, dark day, when Jesus was crucified, the veil in the Temple (a very thick and heavy curtain) was torn in two from top to bottom, the eternal separation between a holy God and sinful human race, was torn open. Two thieves died along with that Glorious Savior. One mocking Him, when acknowledging his sinfulness and seeking His mercy. Which are you?

Spring Thoughts

References:
• 2 Corinthians 5:11-21 NAS
• Galatians 6:10-18 NAS

The other day, my wife went outside to work in our yard. It is something that she really loves to do. In fact, if the weather is decent and there are not other pressing things to do, she will often work outside when given the chance. Although I enjoy being outside and enjoying nature, doing yard work, gardening, etc., are things that I do not enjoy at all. It is something that I really appreciate about my wife.

It is interesting to me that Easter is in the Spring. Interesting and awesome, in my opinion. Think about it. In Spring, we celebrate plants seemingly ‘come back to life.’ Grass becomes green again, deciduous trees start budding and new leaves come out, the days become warmer, the days become longer, flowers start to appear and bloom, etc. It can almost be like the world is ‘coming back to life!’

During Easter, we celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, Who was fully Man and fully Divine, so that our sins could be forgiven and we could have a new life. As Christians, we believe that so that a sinful person could have a personal relationship with a holy and righteous God, something had to atone for our sins. Because of God’s great and unfathomable love for us, He chose to take our place on that cross.

Think about it… A holy and righteous God cared so much for a fallen and rebellious people that He took our place! Here is a way to put it into context. Imagine a person who lives an abundant life, caring and loving others, lives with integrity, is always honest and speaks in a compassionate manner. Does this not sound like someone who you would want to emulate?

Now, say an evil man or woman, who has tortured and killed many people is finally arrested. This particular person is accused of torturing and killing more than 30 people who did noting wrong. In fact, this evil person went out of their way to find people who sought to live a good life to murder in very painful, even excruciating ways, making it last days if possible. This person is tried and found guilty and has earned the death penalty because of the horrendous crimes that he/she has committed. And, let’s assume that there is absolutely no question of his/her guilt because this person was so evil at heart that he/she videotaped many of their ‘sessions,’ DNA evidence clearly links this person to the numerous crimes, etc. You probably expect, even hope, that such a person would be “thrown in prison and that they throw away the key” at the very least, if not publicly execute him/her for all of the evil that he/she did.

Now, let’s say that the ‘righteous man,’ the outstanding citizen mentioned above, chooses to have compassion on this evil person, who is now pleading for mercy and swearing that he/she will totally change their ways. This ‘righteous person’ not only pleads with the judge for clemency for the wicked person, but voluntarily will take their place with the death sentence. If you were the judge, would you accept this man’s offer? If you were one of the victims of this ‘monster,’ would you be willing to accept the ‘righteous man’s offer’ to take place of the man or woman who was, without question, found guilty of torturing and killing your loved one?!

If this sounds to horrendous to consider, that’s the point. Because, whether or not we want to believe it, we are all like that ‘horrendous and evil killer.’ Why? Because in thought, word, and deed, we rebel against God’s authority in our lives and ‘murder’ others in our hearts by hating others. We all break each and every one of God’s 10 Commandments in thought, word, and deed, each and every day of our lives. Each of us.

As a holy and righteous God, when Adam and Eve first sinned, God would have been justified in permanently ending our existence right then and there. Or God could have chosen to have done nothing and allow us to perpetually live separated from Him in this life and in eternity. Instead, God allowed us to endure the consequences of our sins by being physically alive and spiritual dead until He could, at the right time, remove the consequences of our sins for those who trust in Him and His forgiving love. There is a cost for us, though. In exchange for receiving His free grace, God expects us to repent of our sins and to turn away from them. We are not alone in doing this, though. Upon repenting of our wickedness and receiving God’s love and grace, He in turn dwells within us via His Holy Spirit. In living through us, God helps us to change, learn and grow in faith and become more like Him.

Imagine that… Though we are broken, have wicked hearts with evil intentions, and by nature do not want to obey God, He wants to change us. That is what we celebrate this Easter. It’s not about colorfully decorated eggs, it’s not about a bunny delivering baskets (Hasenpfeffer, anyone?!), it’s about God taking our sins upon Himself so that we could live with Him for eternity.

Idols in Our Lives

References:References:
• Song “Take Me to Church” w/ lyrics by Hozier
• Exodus 20:1-6 NAS
• Idol – definition, especially 4 (object of extreme devotion)

What comes to your mind when you think of the word ‘idol?’ For a lot of people, what usually comes to their mind is people kneeling and/or bowing before some sort of statue. This is a mental picture that often comes to my mind as well. However, as I am grown in my faith, I have come to realize that such a mental picture is not the only thing that an idol can be.

When I first heard the song, “Take Me to Church” by Hozier, the line that I really focused on was “I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife.” I remember thinking, “What the heck?! That sounds like a very sick congregation!” It reminded me of several congregations that I had been to where God was worshiped in name only. In reality, the people met to worship other things. No, they did not have statues that they bowed down to, nor did they read from other holy books. The pastor read Scripture and preached on it (though, at times, it was very loosely based on Scripture and based more on things that pleased people). Though the Word of God was read and (though sometimes loosely) proclaimed, the hearts of the people where elsewhere.

Instead of wanting to be devoted to God, their devotion was to many other things. Just some of the more common examples would be social status, their jobs, how much money they had, the ‘toys’ that they had, their influence in the community, they clothes that they wore, etc. Along with these idols, I have encountered many churches with the idol of “thank god we are not like those (fill in the blank)!!

“Why are these idols?” you may ask. Although many people would picture people bowing down in front of a statue ‘idol worship,’ that is not the most complete definition. An idol, in reality, is anything that a person has as more important than their relationship with God. Whether it be a relationship, a job, a favorite hobby, etc., anything that hinders our relationship with God (and in turn, with others), is an idol.

Do these attitudes sound familiar? If we are honest with ourselves, we find such attitudes in ourselves every day, to some extent. Some days more so than others. But, each and every one of us has such attitudes. To what extent will depend on the person and the day. But, if we are honest with ourselves, we hold things more important than our devotion to God each and every day.

Many years ago, I heard a saying of, “If you want to know what is important to a person, look at their checkbook.” That is, what they spend the most money on is an indicator as to what is more important. In my opinion, though this idea has its merits, it is not totally accurate. This is because important things like housing and food cost a lot of money. So do essentials like clothing, gas for a car, vehicle and house maintenance, etc. I believe that a much better indicator would be taking a daily planner and plotting out how much time you spend on things each day. Be it work, cooking, cleaning, watching tv, reading, etc. I am sure that a lot of people would be surprised with what they would discover.

The ideal that I have often heard concerning priorities is: God first, then family, then everything else. And, it is definitely a real struggle to maintain one’s priorities in that order. Favorite hobbies, one’s work, basic chores around the house (or apartment or even barracks), quiet time of reflection or reading to recharge, time with friends, etc., all strive for our attention. Have you ever thought about how different things in your life strive for your attention, your time, and your energy?
Eventually, I was able to read all of the lyrics and watch a video that had the lyrics posted while I listened to the music. While the lyrics are fairly dark, I am glad that I read them. Many times, things in our lives become such idols that they truly take over our lives. Think for a moment about a parent who becomes so devoted to their work and ‘climbing the cooperate ladder’ that they sacrifice their family, their friends, and probably even their health. That ‘idol’ becomes so ‘all consuming’ that everything else are ‘sacrificed’ to it. Sacrificed to satisfy that ‘intense need,’ what ever that may be.

I believe that, while God calls us to be fully devoted to Him, it is not to be at the sacrifice of everything else, especially friends and family. Let’s take the Apostle Paul as an example. Throughout the New Testament, we see in his letters to various communities and people the importance of being singularly devoted to God. However, we are also called to be devoted to each other, to the work that we do to earn a living, and to gathering together to worship God. Each of these things are part of a whole, a whole life lived in dedication to serving God and others. We are to live out the ideal as “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself,” (Luke 10:27), then we must consciously and purposely use our time wisely. How that will work will vary from person to person, and on the season of their lives.

And balance in how we serve God can be very difficult! For me, being very introverted and high sensing, being around people can be very draining. Even people that I love! To maintain my emotional health, I have to have quiet time to recharge, process my experiences, etc. However, there are times where I have to set aside my immediate felt needs in order to take care of my family, things are work, etc. Because of the riot in May of 2015 and being short with staffing at the prison where I work, we work 12 hour shifts. And, since I work the day shift, I am constantly around people, being bombarded with various job requirements and addressing the needs of others. Needless to say, I often come home extremely drained. Taking care of my wife and two young children is sometimes extremely difficult for me because I already feel emotionally and physically drained. There are times where I can do things by myself for a while and then come back and take care of my family. However, that is not always the case.

God’s call in our lives to be fully devoted to Him and to love others as we want to be loved is, quite honestly, impossible. We are sinful beings who want to focus on our immediate felt needs. And, God wants us to genuinely worship Him (in spirit and in truth, John 4:23, 24). Not empty phrases and actions, devoid of genuine desire to love and serve Him. Apart from God’s help and the empowering of the Holy Spirit, it is impossible for us. But, the good news is, God wants to enable us to faithfully serve Him and worship Him. Though it may take a long time to prune those things that hinder your love and passion for God (and, in turn, to love and serve others), God wants to help you to do so. Are you courageous enough to ask God to help you?

Learning to Pray

References:
• Matthew 6:9-13 NAS
• Prayer Online
• The UMC Book of Worship
• PC USA Book of Common Worship

This blog entry is based on a Bible Study that I did with members of the church my wife and I attend. It is definitely not an exhaustive look at what prayer is. Whole books written by people who have spent much more time studying the Christian concept of prayer. Instead, this is simply an introduction to my understanding of prayer. If there is enough interest, I will be happy to go into deeper detail with different aspects of prayer.

Let me first emphasize something. It is my opinion (and experience) that there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to pray. Just as learning new skills, learning a language, cooking, etc., everyone has their own style and preferences. Some styles of prayer are more appropriate for different situations. However, praying is as unique as the person saying the prayer and the situation that created the need/desire for prayer.

Growing up a Presbyterian minister’s son, I learned a lot of prayers over the years. Some of them were typical prayers said before meals, others were prayers typically said before bed. Two examples are “Now I lay me down to sleep….” and ‘God is great, God is good…” I also grew up seeing the Psalms are awesome examples of prayers. I don’t think I ever saw them as exhaustive examples, just some examples.

While growing up in the church, I also learned to pray for others. Whether for healing, strength, encouragement, safe travels, etc. Although I learned all of these different prayers, I did not develop a deep prayer life until many years later.

While in college and seminary, I was introduced to many styles of prayers. I was also given ‘formulas’ for ‘how to pray.’ While I believe that acronyms can be helpful for doing prayers, I don’t think that they are absolutely essential. One ‘formula’ (acronym) that I came across recently that can be helpful is ACTS. ‘A’ is for adoration, praising God for who He is. ‘C’ is for Confession, telling Him everything we’ve done wrong and asking for His forgiveness. ‘T’ is for thanksgiving, thanking Him for answered prayers and for helping us in our daily lives. And ‘S’ is for supplication, asking God for daily needs (http://www.prayeronline.org.au/how-to-pray).

But, for me, one of the most important things that I have learned is that prayer is to be a conversation with God. One way of looking at it is, we read Scripture to hear from God. And then we pray in order to talk with God. While I do pray this way at times, I more often do not. Instead, I will spend a large portion of time while walking, driving, or sitting in the house and reflect on things in my life while praying. Sometimes I might have a list of things that I want to make sure and pray about, but often I don’t.

On many occasions, I have gone for a walk and prayed for others. Things that I typically will pray about are my friends and family, the businesses and/or houses that I walk buy, up coming events in my life, etc. There rarely is a set agenda, I just pray about what comes to mind. I was first exposed to this idea of ‘prayer walking’ while in college. It is a good way for working on praying in a more spontaneous manner.

I do something a little different while driving to work. Over the years, I have developed the habit of spending at least 10 minutes of my commute to work (be it for the Department of Corrections, the Nebraska Guard unit, or something else). Typically, I will acknowledge my sinful nature, thank God for His healing and forgiveness, and transition to thanking Him for giving me His Spiritual Armor (Ephesians 6:10-18). Then I will often start praying about my upcoming day at work, things that I know I will experience, making the right decisions, that myself and all others in a leadership role will make the right choices, etc. Some days, I only spend 5-8 minutes in prayer. Other times, I have spent an entire commute in prayer. Either because of all the things that came to my mind to pray for, or because I was spending a lot of time praising and thanking God for things He has already done.
Some people like to keep a prayer journal. I have done this on occasion, but have not been very consistent with it. Probably because I typically prefer to pray while doing other things like walking or driving.

While I was at FT Bragg, and friend of mine and I decided to become prayer partners. We would call each other on a regular basis (frequently to daily, depending on our schedules). During our phone calls, we would share recent news, prayer requests, and then pray together. Since we would usually pray with each other while talking on the phone, we jokingly would say, “Do you want to dial and then I hang up?” That is, one of us would ‘dial,’ or start the prayer. Then, we would pray as we felt the Holy Spirit guiding us. Eventually, when the other person felt led to do so, he would ‘hang up.’ That is, he would close the prayer. It was something that worked really well for us.

Asides from the many examples of prayer in Scripture, two other good resources come to my mind. One is Chapter 3 of “Celebration of Discipline” by Richard J. Foster. The other is chapter 15 of “The Cost of Discipleship” by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. In both of these examples, the respective author spends times talking about their perspectives and experiences on prayer. There are many, many other resources out there that one can use.

In closing, I want to emphasize a couple of things. One is that how a person prays is really going to depend on who the person is and the particular situation that they are praying about. A person should always be learning and growing with how they pray. Try different ways of praying. Try keeping a prayer journal, pray by yourself and pray with others, experiment with praying for people while out walking, etc. Over time, God will help you learn ways to pray that honor Him and draw you closer into a deeper relationship with Him. In fact, that should be one of your goals with prayer, to experience His love and grace more, to walk closer with Him, and to be able to be more responsive to His guidance. Be ready to be surprised by Him as you do this. He has truly done that with me.

An Inner Change Showing

References:
• Exodus 34:29-35
• Luke 9:28-36
• Definition: Tabernacle

Both of these passages are very fascinating to me. Both have a similar theme, but are still very different. Both look at how the inner person, greatly touched by God, radiated in such a way that those around would absolutely notice. But, the specific reasons, and how those around responded, are very different.
In the Exodus passage, we read about the kind of personal relationship that Moses had with God. It was deeply personal. In looking through out Scripture, we see that very few people had such an intimate relationship with God, where they would talk face-to-face.

In this text, we read that Moses was so touched by God that it showed. Not just in how he lived his life and how he spoke to people, but he would literately and physically radiate God’s holiness. Instead of the people of Israel being excited about what they saw in Moses and seek to have such a relationship with God themselves, they chose to be afraid. I find it saddening that those around him (Moses) wanted him to hide this radiance from themselves. That is, all except for Joshua. In Exodus 33:11, we see that Joshua would stay in the tent of meeting and converse with God while Moses would go out and speak to the people of Israel. Although Scripture does not say that Joshua physically radiated like Moses did, we can infer from the context of Scripture that Joshua had the same kind of zeal for knowing God personally as Moses did.

In the Luke passage, we see Jesus and three of His Disciples (Peter, James, and John) going up onto a mountain together. While they were up there, the three Disciples fell asleep. At the same time, Moses and Elijah met with Jesus. What an incredible conversation it must have been! I don’t know about you, but I sometimes wish I could have been there myself.

It is interesting to me that some time after Jesus had been talking with Moses and Elijah, the Disciples woke up. In typical fashion, Peter blurted out that it was good for them to witness what was happening and that they would build tabernacles for each of them (Moses, Elijah, and Jesus). This is very significant in many ways.
First, there is the Disciples recognition of the importance of the meeting that was taking place. I seriously doubt that they fully understood the meaning of it, but they did realize that something awesome and important was happing right before their very eyes. And, to a small extent, they were participating in it. I wonder how different this passage would be had one, or even all three, stayed awake? We will never know.

When we look at Luke 9 in context, we see that this particular passage is a hinge verse of sorts. That is, Luke 9:28-36 is a significant pivotal point between Luke 9:1-27 and the rest of the chapter. Before this passage happened, we see two significant events. Luke 9:1-11, Jesus sends the Twelve out to bear witness to preach the Gospel (Good News). They are to take nothing with them, only what they were wearing. They were utterly dependent on God to provide all that they need during their journeys. Upon their return, they joyful told Jesus all that had happened. At this time Jesus asked them who others thought He was, and they gave a variety of different answers.
Right after this, a great multitude find Jesus. Being who He is, Jesus starts teaching them. As they day goes by, it grows late. Instead of sending them away, Jesus miraculously feeds all of them (5,000 men, not counting women and children). See the buildup here, from one incredible event to another? And, these are only the events that are recorded in Scripture.

Next, we have the Transfiguration that we read about previously. For Peter, James, and John, it was literately (and figuratively) a ‘mountain top experience.’ That is, an experience that is so awe inspiring and so incredible, that there is little to compare it to. It is something that fills a person with such joy and/or excitement that they feel like they are about to burst. I know that I have experienced many such experiences. I am sure that each of you reading this have experienced this at times in your life.

But yet, in Luke 9:46-56, we witness a very humbling event. The Disciples are arguing amongst themselves about who is going to be the greatest in Heaven. For us sinful people, being exalted by others feels important. We feel that it’s important to have power and control over others. However, Jesus corrects them. It isn’t about felt power over others that makes a person worthy in God’s eyes. It’s loving and serving others. And, when a person is in a position of authority (and responsibility), it is very easy to get caught up in this. However, real leadership isn’t how much power you have other others. In God’s eyes, it’s how much you serve and take care of others. I am sure that hearing this Truth really stung the Disciples’ egos. I know it often does mine when God reminds me what is more important.

In Luke 9:57-62, we see, following Christ the high cost is. Although the cost differ for each will, a cost there will be. Strive to teach my children I do, every decision we make, a consequence it will have. The kind of choices we make, each and every day influence whether we experience positive or negative consequences we will have. But, experience consequences we will. (Hit like if you are a Star Wars fan and hear Yoda’s voice!)

The thing is, as followers of God, we will be different. Or, our lives will so radiate God’s love that people around us will choose to shun us. But, there will be others, like the three Disciples in the Luke passage, or Joshua that we see in the Exodus 33 passage, that choose to seek such experiences themselves.

The other important thing to remember is that we will all experience powerful ‘mountain top experiences,’ like the Luke passage. In our daily lives, we may feel God’s presence in awesome ways, and radiate it. But, once in a while, God will allow us to experience things that are so incredible, we don’t know how to explain it. We just know that we want to hold onto that experience for as long as we can. That brings me to my last point…

We are to enjoy God’s presence, allow Him to greatly change us, and to look forward to such ‘mountain top experiences.’ However, we have to remember that they are just temporary experiences. Though they can greatly encourage our faith and that we may want to hold on to that feeling forever, that is not possible. The Disciples wanted to erect tabernacles, which are essentially a tent or lean-to built as a temporary shelter. They were wise enough to not want to build permanent dwellings like a temple or houses for Jesus, Moses, and Elijah. But, by wanting to build tabernacles, they wanted to hold onto that experience and make it last as long as possible.

We all long for such incredible experiences. And we want to hold onto it as long as possible. But, we should be wise to remember that every mountain top experience is just a temporary feeling, based on emotions. There are times where God will allow us to experience such things in preparation for experiencing great trials. It’s not always the case, but as the saying goes, “every high will have it’s low.” We see that in Luke chapter 9. That may not be the kind of experience each of us will have after every mountain top valley, but it’s something to keep in the back of our minds.

Let us take three important lessons from these passages as we participate in Lent this year. In preparation for Easter, let us seek to be genuinely touched by God. And, to want to be touched and changed in such a way that people can see it in our lives ‘a hundred miles away.’ Let us be open to mountain top experiences. When God allows us to experience one, let us be open to it. But, if not, let us be wise and not force one to happen. And, thirdly, let us prayerfully not try and hold onto the experience. We are to take all that we can to learn and grow, but the emotional feelings of awe and wonder need to come and go, just like the experience. God wants to have them to encourage us, teach us, inspire others, etc. But, God also wants us to experience lows, too. The highs help us to appreciate who God is and all that He has done. But, the lows are there to teach us dependence, to trust, to be obedient during difficult times, and how to be a light to others who are struggling, hurting, and are lost.

Magi and Shepherds

References:
• The Coming of the Magi
• Magi, The
• Easton's Bible Dictionary: Shepherd
• Matthew 2:1-12 NAS
• Luke 2:1-20 NAS

A few weeks ago, our pastor was giving a sermon about ‘post holiday hangovers.’ That is, after all of the exciting and fun times that one has, the ‘down feeling’ that all of us feel to some extent. Throughout the sermon, he talked about how we have lots of excitement and fun with friends and families while together. But, after a while, the ‘mountain top experience’ turns into ‘a valley’ to one extent or another. Although the sermon was quite interesting, my INFJ brain locked onto some of the points that he was referencing and went off on its own direction. Hence, what I will be talking about in this blog entry.
During his sermon, our pastor talked about the Magi and the local shepherds who visited Jesus and His family while they were staying in Bethlehem. It is interesting that these two groups are the only ones that are recorded with their visits. Based on what Scripture states in Matthew 2:16, Jesus was approximately 12-24 months old at the time. As all of us know, a lot can happen in a person’s life in just one month, let alone 24.

During my previous deployment to Iraq in 2010-’11, I left when my son was about 8 months old. When I returned, he was just almost 20 months old. Not only was he a bit bigger when I returned a year later, he was walking, starting to talk, and really getting into things. He went from barely being able to crawl to someone who could stand up and follow me around, though significantly slower. Honestly, it took me quite a while to get used to all of the changes that he had.
During both of my kids’ first two years, many people have come in and out of their lives. There are some children their ages with whom they have become friends and see fairly often. There are family members that have visited numerous times to see them. There are friends of the family, that have come to visit. Some of them are significant members of our community and some are ‘average Jane’ or ‘average Joe.’ As I grew up, my parents have kept a diary, of sorts, of people who have come to visit. As people come to visit for the first time or during significant events, they would sign their guestbook, so that they would have a record of their attendance.

Granted, many people during Jesus’ time could not read or write well. But, I would hazard a guess that Joseph, being a carpenter, probably had a basic education so that he could do his job well. Though things like parchment or papyrus were expensive, they could be obtained. Many times, animal hides were used in lieu of something else to write one. Or even tablets of clay were used for recording pieces of important information.

I sometimes wonder, who else visit Mary, Joseph, and the infant/toddler Jesus? How many close friend and relatives came to visit and give their blessings? How many friends did Mary and Joseph make while living in Bethlehem? Did any of them stay in contact with Mary and Joseph while they lived in Egypt and/or Nazareth? Scripture is strangely quiet about this.
What is interesting to me are the two extremes of people who are listed as visiting Jesus and His family. I’m not sure if you have thought much about it, but the shepherds and the Magi (sometimes called ‘Wisemen’) are two extremes. The shepherds would be of the low, peasant part of society. Whereas the Magi would be of the upper crust.

Throughout the centuries, there have been some farmers and herdsmen who were well off. But, most have been middle class or lower. More than likely, the shepherds of Jesus’ time were poor people who struggle to provide for their families. Constantly on the move in order to provide the fresh water and food for their livestock, they would not have much time for education, religious training, etc. Most of what they learned was acquired in the field. Their classroom was the world. They would have a keen understand of nature and how animals lived. But, many of them would lack anything more than a real basic education in other areas.
For the shepherds, their livestock was their life. Each and every sheep or goat in their herd was precious to them. Their wool and meat (mutton) was extremely important to the shepherds. It meant whether they could afford food and shelter, providing for their families, etc. For the majority of the shepherds to up and leave their herds during the night in order to visit Jesus and His family is an astound step of faith. Think about it… Many predators like lions, wolves, and bears, would love any opportunity to snatch just one sheep from the herd for a quick meal. Shepherds would have to watch a flock of sheep in shifts during the night in order to protect them. The fewer shepherds watching the flock, the higher the likelihood of predators killing some of them. Don’t forget that there would be thieves out there who would also like to have a ‘free sheep or goat’ of they thought they could get away with it.

Here they are, shepherds with minimal education and working long, hard hours, to take care of their flock. Maybe not the outcasts of society, but definitely not people of significance. But yet, God sent angles to them. Not just to announce to them that a Savior had been born, but to invite them to come and see Jesus. Not governors, religious leaders, or other leaders of society. Just lowly shepherds. On top of that, they risked a lot, leaving their flocks with a skeleton crew to watch them while they visited Jesus and His family.

Let’s contrast that with the Magi’s visit… While we do not know who the Magi were, we know that they brought three different costly gifts. We do not know exactly where they came from, just that they ‘came from the east.’ There are several possibilities according the article noted above concerning where the Magi came from. No matter where they came from, the definitely had to travel a long ways. Whether they traveled on horses, on camels, or another way, it would have taken them several weeks to several months to get to Bethlehem.

According to the map program that I have on my computer (Maps 4.1601.10150.0 © 2015 HERE, © 2015 Microsoft Corporation), the driving distance from Baghdad, Iraq, to Bethlehem, West Bank (Israel), is 621 miles. Of course, this is using modern roads. Let’s make the assumption that the modern roads between these two cities are based on ancient travel routes. Let’s also make the assumption that they traveled together in a caravan. According to one reference that I found ( http://news.softpedia.com/news/10-Amazing-Facts-About-Camels-68843.shtml), a caravan of camels can travel 18-25 miles a day (30-40 km). If that is the case, then it would have taken the Magi at least 24 days to travel from Baghdad to Bethlehem, if they traveled every day on flat ground. Quite a long time, isn’t it?

The Magi came baring gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Each of these items have a gifts have symbolic meaning, as well as great monetary value. These astrologers/religious leaders traveled a long distance, bring costly and royal gifts, to a peasant child. Fascinating, huh? Scripture is silent as to who they were, what kind of work they left in order to visit Jesus, exactly how they knew that the Son of God had been born in Bethlehem, or exactly where they came from.

Let’s think about all of this means for a few moments…. Simple and lowly shepherds were invited to witness Jesus’ birth. They left their flocks (their livelihood) in order to witness this incredible event. A year or so later, several Magi arrived ‘from the east’ baring costly and royal gifts for Jesus. It was revealed to foreigners and lowly peasants about Jesus’ birth, not to the religious leaders (Scribes and Pharisees) of Israel. Intriguing, isn’t it? Did you notice that this is similar the kind of people that Jesus reached out to through His ministry?

As we go about our lives, let us keep this in mind. God often reaches out to all sorts of people through us. And God uses all sorts of people to do His will. Whether it is the lowly farmer, shepherd, rancher, or the highly educated philosopher or religious leader, God uses all sorts of people. His message will never change. But, you never know how God will use you. Just as the shepherds and the Magi responded to God’s direction, let us strive to obey, too.

A Spiritual Awakening

References:
• Force Awakens Movie
• Star Wars page for Force Awakens
• Kylo Ren
• 1 Peter 5:6-9 NAS
• Ephesians 4:17-32 NAS
• Romans 7:14-25 NAS

Last night I watched the movie, “The Force Awakens.” I have been a Star Wars fan ever since I was 4 years old and saw “A New Hope” when it first came out in the theaters. I loved it back then, and I love it now. Like many people, I was not sure how good it would be. I know that J.J. Abrams did an awesome job (in my opinion) of rebooting the Star Trek franchise. So I was hoping that he would do a good job with “The Force Awakens.” And it was a very well done movie.

I thoroughly enjoyed the return of many of the original characters, including Han Solo, Luke, Leia, etc. And, think that the new characters like Finn, Rey, and Kylo Ren were done well and have awesome potential. Over the years, I have read many of the novels from the Star Wars Expanded Universe. Although I am a little disappointed that J.J. Abrams didn’t totally go that direction, I do think he did a good job with the direction that he went. And, like usual, I am eagerly looking forward to reading the novel that is based on the movie. I always find the differences between the visual movies and the written novels to be fascinating and informing. (The movies focus on the visual interpretations of what the characters do while the novel give insight into the ‘why’ they did things or “What the heck were you thinking!”)

Like most movies, I watched “The Force Awakens” both from an entertainment perspective and an analytical one. And, like usual, there were a few things that really stuck out to me. I have my opinions on several of the character reactions that were shown in the movie. But, since the movie just opened and many people haven’t seen it yet and don’t like spoilers, I will perhaps talk about them in a later blog entry.

One thing that really stood out to me was the moral wrestling that one of the main characters went through during the movie. Instead of one of the main evil characters being just ‘purely evil,’ Kylo Ren repeatedly grappled with the evil that he wanted to do and what his heart wanted. In other words, he wanted to emulate his ‘hero,’ Darth Vader and follow the Dark Side (evil) of the Force. However, throughout the movie, he kept feeling the draw back to the Light Side (good). I found this wrestling that he did to be a very good plot and character development.

Think about it… How many of us want to do go and yet wrestle with our sinful impulses? I know that I do. Paul wrote about it in his letter to the Christians in Rome (mentioned above). He knew what was write and wanted to do it (things that pleased God), but yet his sinful nature constantly pushed him to rebel against God’s Commands. Whether we want to admit to this or not, it is something that we all do. Although we know the ‘right’ things to, our nature is contrary to this. It is easier to fulfill the sinful/selfish desires of our hearts than it is to think of others.

Here we have Kylo Ren, a young man who is thirsting after the (felt) power that the Dark Side of the Force has to offer. He has heard stories (and probably read many a Star Wars universe version newspapers, magazines, and books) about his grandfather, Anakin Skywalker. The Dark Lord becomes someone he wants to emulate, becomes a real hero for. Yet, as he continues to walk down his ‘dark path,’ he continuously feels the Light Side (good) call him. On many occasions he calls to Darth Vader, to Supreme Leader Snoke, etc., for ‘help’ to help him maintain his path to the Dark Side.

While studying theology, working as a MP, and while working as Custody Staff with the Nebraska State of Corrections, I have seen many people strive to do this. Although they feel their conscience tell them that what they are doing is wrong, yet they still seek to do it. They want to enjoy the (temporary) ‘good feeling’ that indulging their sinful desires produces. And even they are constantly trying to ‘sear their conscience,’ they still feel that conviction. They still feel that conviction that what they are doing is wrong, that they are heading down the wrong path, etc.

God gave all of us a conscience to help us realize when we are doing something wrong. Just like His Laws, our conscience is there to guide us in right living. But yet, how often do we seek to ‘silence that nagging voice’ so that we can do things that gratify our sinful desires? It is a constant struggle that we all experience. Even those of us who have been walking with God for many years still feel this struggle. Someone wrongs us and we feel the ‘urge’ to exact revenge. We see something pleasing to the eye and we not just entertain thoughts about it, but want to act out on those desires. We see something that belongs to someone else and we seek to take it four ourselves.

As this year comes to a close and we prepare to celebrate Christmas, let us reflect on just how much God loves us. As John chapter 1 points out so clearly, God lowered Himself in such an incredible way. An infinite and all-powerful God allowed Himself to be born of a simple peasant girl, Mary, to grow up in a very fragile body, experiences pain, hunger, all sorts of human suffering. He chose to do this, not because He had to, but because He wanted to. So that He could redeem us from our sinfulness and enable us to have everlasting life with Him. As we wrestle with our sinful nature, as we seek to be obedient to Christ our Savior, let us remember that He has given us His Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit, working in conjunction with our conscience, is there to draw us way from the ‘Dark Side’ and back to ‘the Light.’ Let us strive to be obedient and rejoice that He still calls us back to Him. No matter how far away we may have been walking, He is always there to draw us back to Himself.

Only Celebrating the Christmas Good

References:
• 1 Peter 5:1-11 NAS
• Matthew 12:22-29 NAS
• ST Nickolas
• Krampus

This may come as a real shock to some people, but I do enjoy a good horror movie once in a while. I am not talking about the ‘slasher’ films like ‘Friday the 13’ or Freddy Kruger movies. I am talking about the suspenseful, supernatural ones. Just some of the ones that I have enjoyed are “The Village,” “Dark Valley” (more of a suspenseful movie), “The Walking Dead” series, “An Amish Murder,” (again, more suspenseful), “The Others,” amongst others. Such a movie has to have a really good plot, otherwise I will probably not finish watching it. There are quite a few movies on Netflix that I have started, but soon lost interest in.
One horror movie that I saw in the theaters this week was Krampus. ‘Who is Krampus?’ you may ask? Basically, Krampus is the demonic twin brother of ST Nickolas, according to German folklore. What’s interesting to me is that, up until this past week, I had never heard of Krampus. In college, I was a German Studies major and read quite a bit about German history. I do know that there is a strong druid-like spiritual history (as far as ancient pagan religious customs go), but I had not heard of ‘Krampus,’ before. Learn something new every day….

Every year at this time here in America, all we hear about is Santa Claus, that ‘jolly ole’ elf.’ And we are told that he knows if we’ve been ‘naughty or nice.’ Yes, I am quoting a very popular Christmas song, “Santa Clause is Coming to Town.” According to tradition, ‘good’ little boys and girls get gifts and ‘bad’ little boys and girls get lumps of coal. I don’t know about you, but while I was growing up, I usually followed the rules, but not all of the time. I always got gifts each Christmas. And, there were quite a few kids that I knew who were bullies. And I never heard of them getting coal for Christmas. Not much incentive to be good, huh?

According to German folklore, Krampus would go around Austria and southern Germany and take away all of the bad boys and girls. According to the “Who is Krampus” page, a Krampus-like character has been around for more than 2,000 years. Potentially longer. During ancient times, I am sure that some children disappeared and, because they weren’t found and no other explanation was available, it was believed that Krampus had done it. In more modern times, that is probably not believed.
It doesn’t surprise me that, here in the US, that such characters like Krampus do not become part of the mainstream culture. As people have immigrated here from other countries, many have striven to get rid of what is perceived by them (or by others) as negative aspects of their culture. Or, even though the first generation or two intended on maintaining all of their culture, it eventually got lost within the mixed culture of the United States as a whole. When ethnic groups live together within the same geographical area, there is a stronger tendency for them to maintain more of the unique aspects of their culture. The farther away they are, the less likely they are to maintain them.

But, I have noticed a more disappointing, even disturbing trend that this parallels. I grew up within the Presbyterian Church (USA) and still consider myself to be Reformed in my theology. At age three, I was adopted by a PC(USA) minister and his wife. Because of this, I grew up being very involved with church life. During this time, I learned about how we are all fallen and sinful creatures. However, I knew almost nothing about Satan, demons, Spiritual Warfare, etc. It wasn’t until I gave my life to Christ (a Road to Emmaus experience) that I really started learning about this.

Up until I gave my life to Christ in 1994, about all I knew about Satan, demons, and the like, was what I read in books and saw in movies. Most of what I was exposed to was either that they are all a farce, not real, or just a figment of one’s imagination; something that was folklore and superstition, and now have been ‘proven by science’ to not be real; or something similar. At times, they were portrayed as real, but either not very powerful or exceptionally powerful and that there was no god (or that God was not powerful enough to stop them, almost like Greek or Roman mythology).

While I was in college, I started learning how to apply all that I had learned growing up with my walk with Christ. I started learning how to discern between what was Scripturally sound and what was not. I also realized that God was calling me to ministry. So, I attended Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary (LPTS) in order to fulfill that calling. Although I knew that the seminary was predominantly moderate to liberal in theology, I was expecting a good theological education. At LPTS, the predominate theology that was taught was ‘process theology.’ (Definitions can be found here and here for your understanding.) I liken ‘process theology’ to ‘processed cheese.’ Though it has some of the right, natural (correct) beliefs, it is full of artificial ingredients, making it, as a whole, ‘impure.’ (You can find definitions/explanations here and here, and here is a side-by-side comparison for you to digest.) Not only was it taught that there was no such thing as Satan or demons, I was often looked down upon for believing that they were real. And, it was during this time that I gained a lot of ‘practical experience’ in Spiritual Warfare.

Although I believe it is important to protect children from things that are harmful, but there needs to be a balance. If one only exposes children to ‘good things’ and hides all of the bad and evil in the world from them, then you are setting them up for failure. There needs to be a wise balance with helping children understand the evil that is in the world. Life is like a rose. You have the beautiful flower, but you also have the sharp thorns. If people do not know about, and therefore do not understand, the evil, hatred, and sadness that is a part of life, then they will not be equipped with the skills necessary to deal with them. Eventually, all of us will be confronted by the evil in the world and the sinful nature within each of us. If we are not prepared to deal with it, it will rule over us. In fact, if we are not prepared to deal with such things, it will destroy us. Do we really want to set our children up for failure, for emotional and spiritual destruction?

Advent, Solitude, and Reflection

References:
• LPTS President’s Blog
• Matthew 14:13
• 1 Kings 19:9-13 NAS
• Psalm 46 NAS

I read an interesting blog entry the other day by the Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary President, Michael Jenkins, cited above. In the article, he talked about how Jesus would often seek a place of quiet rest and solitude. I found this article very interesting, especially with how things are in America today. We seem to be constantly rushing and on the go.
Although all people need time alone, some need more than others. Those of us who are introverts thrive on our ‘alone time.’ We need it to emotionally recharge, to process what we have learned and experienced, and to prepare ourselves for interacting with others. The stronger a person is as an introvert, or if one is a sensitive soul, the more alone time one will often need to ‘recharge.’ It is interesting, though, to note that there is a very big difference between just seeking solitude and ‘being quiet’ or ‘being still.’

Solitude is essentially being alone, by yourself. But, just because one is alone doesn’t mean that one is ‘being quiet.’ In our media drenched society, we have music, news, movies, all sorts of entertainment readily available, 24 hours a day, every day of the week. Many people have smart phones so that they can continuously monitor their Facebook page, their Instagram, their LinkedIn, or whatever social media that they use. Some people watch movie after movie on their smart phones or tablets, others listen to all sorts of music on Pandora or Slacker. It seems that there is noise all around us, doesn’t it?
Now, I will admit that I am listening to “The Gladiator” soundtrack while I am writing this blog entry. As I am work on writing or doing artwork, I find having some sort of classical music playing in the background very helpful. The same goes with reading, studying German, or something like that. Sometimes I will prefer to have it very quiet while I read or study, but usually I will want to some sort of background music.

However, my life is not like in the movies. When I am out for a walk, whether just to have fun and relax or because I am getting from point A to point B, I don’t have music playing in the background. Sometimes when I jog, I will have music playing, but not all the time. Especially if I am running on the road. But when I am out walking to decompress, to just think, or to enjoy all of God’s Creation, I love not having music playing. I can listen to the sound of the wind through the trees (or against the dunes if I am in the desert), the songs of the birds, etc. Not having the ‘background soundtrack’ enables me to enjoy things around me even more because I am not distracted by music.

The same is often true for when I do my devotions. I will often turn my music off when I do my devotions, have time of intense prayer, or something like that. There’s just something about making everything around quiet so that I can intently focus on what I am doing. Though this isn’t the case every single time, it is usually what I prefer to do. That way I can concentrate more on what I am reading, to drink it in, to contemplate its meaning.

Though I feel that this is a good way to approach reading God’s Word any time (in a quiet area without distractions), I believe that it is even more so during Advent and before Easter. Why’s that? Think about it… During Christmas, we are preparing ourselves for Christ’s birth, the “Word became flesh,” as John 1 puts it. We are to preparing ourselves for His first entrance into this world, knowing that He will come again. The fact that God lowered Himself to our level and came into the world as a fragile human being, is just mindboggling to me! But yet, out of His infinite love, He did that for me. And, being the foolish humans that we are, we still get distracted, look for what we want to find, or just get caught up in what drama is circling our life at this time.
When Jesus was born, all of Israel was under Roman oppression. The Jewish people know that God was going to send them a Savior, but their expectation was that God would send a mighty warrior. This warrior would lead Israel in rebellion against Rome, throw off the chains of tyranny, and Israel would be an independent nation again. Because of this kind of expectation, grounded at least partially because they were so focused on what was happening around them, that they totally missed (as a whole) that God was going into the world to redeem a fallen people.

When we allow music, news, interesting trivia or entertaining articles on the Internet, TV programs, or whatever, to be distractions to us, we miss out on important details. For example, if we are reading God’s Word while watching the news, are we really paying any attention to what God might be speaking to us about? If we are constantly going about our lives with background noise and not trying to quiet things down, how often do we miss little things? Little things like how a co-worker’s body language is speaking volumes of the pain they are carrying, or not noticing how a person is reacting to our words or actions, or even just the beautiful sounds of nature?

During this time of Advent, let us all be more purposeful in seeking some solitude, time alone. Time away from all that is distracting so that we can focus more on reading God’s Word, on praying for others, and in preparing our own hearts for remembering Christ’s birth. I know that it may be hard. Some of us have very, very hectic schedules. But yet, even just taking 5 minutes here and there to just turning things off and focus for a little while on God and His Word, I believe that it can work wonders in your life. I know it has in mine.

Hole In My Heart

Many of us have lost someone that we love. Some to old age, some to disease, some to accidents, or a myriad of many other reasons. While in seminary, I did my CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) at the University of Louisville Hospital, a Level One Trauma hospital. During the summer course that I was there, I saw a very large range of injured people come in. Not all left alive. One thing that always struck me as 'interesting' was the fact that sometimes, the family were having a harder time dealing with a person's illness or injury than the patient his/herself.

The experiences that I had there have really stuck with me. In one night, July 4th of 1997, I was with three different families that lost a loved one. Each person faced the death of a loved one very differently.

Just like these other people, I have lost loved ones in my life. During my time here, I found out that someone I knew lost a close friend of his, and it had hit him really hard. Seeing how he struggled to make since with his friend's death, inspired the poem that I will be sharing here shortly. It is a summary, of sort, of the many times that I have lost a loved one. And each time left a 'hole in my heart.' It is something that time, God's Grace, and the love of others have helped to heal. So now they are scars and memories of people that I have loved and are no longer in my life. Please note that I am NOT bitter or struggling with emotional pain. Though I remember how it felt then, it is not how I feel about the memories now. One of the things that I am learning about being an INFJ is that I remember fewer of the details of things and remember more of how it 'made me feel.' It's how I am made.

I know that this poem might be a bit hard for some out there to read. If that's the case, then don't punish yourself and keep reading. Come back another time. I do hope that it can help some of you out there with dealing with a loss. You are not a lone. As many people have reminded me, there is always hope in life. Sometimes you just have to hunt for it.

A Hole In My Heart (25NOV2015)

Sitting down to watch a Christmas special, a yearly tradition…
A Christmas Carol, one that I love!
Always a call to love those around us.
The phone rings, a lady in my church speaks.
Our pastor was found dead.
Car in the garage, running…
I listen, I ask questions, I hang up…
The words now just mumblings.
No joy now in my favorite show.

A hole is now in my heart, a part taken way.
A person who I care for,
Someone who cared for me.
They are gone, but here I am,
Hurting, weeping,
or just stunned and numb.
The pain is real, the hole hurts,
but what can I do?
What can fill this hole?

Though I am adopted, I long to know
from where I came from,
who it was that created me.
After many years of waiting, I learn.
I meet the man and woman
who created me and tried to love me.
Though I was gone from their lives
for over 16 years, they had never stopped,
never stopped loving me.

A little time passed, biological mother struggled with her health.
She had a zeal for life
and love for others.
But one day, while in college,
a call came, I went numb.
One that I loved was no more.
Cindy was no longer with us,
and though I only knew her less than 2 years,
the hole in my heart was very, very real.

Being there to be a comfort to my family,
heart is aching,
a part has died.
Though I had known her just briefly
for just such a short time,
the pain sought to tear my heart in two!
After she was laid to rest, getting ready to go home,
heart burst, tears suddenly flowed,
I wept and mourned one I had hardly known.


What can I say? What can I do?
With every loss, every good-bye
there is another hole in my heart.
Many people love me. I love them.
Love helps me feel alive.
Love energizes me to help others.
People come, and then they go.
A love betrayed or one's death,
the result is yet another hole in my heart.

Each and every hole, put there by someone else.
Each hole is a love there no more.
Each hole is a permanent 'good-bye.'
Some are gone by choice,
theirs or mine.
But not all…
Some holes are there because
someone who loved me
is no longer alive.

As time goes by, eventually heal.
Kind of…
Sort of…
Over time the sharp pain becomes dull…
Though my heart heals over
there is still the scare of the hole.
Fresh experiences and fresh relationships
bring back love
and the fear of heartache to come.

For one thing I have learned
with every joyful friend,
for each who care for me,
They will eventually leave and be gone.
Be it death, betrayed friendship
or just fading off to the distance.
Every love, every relationship
will have its bitter end.
A hole in my heart.

With all the love and joy that I seek,
there is a bitter pill to take.
Do I even dare to do it again?
Another deep and powerful love arises,
one who wants to be my wife.
To cherish and to love!
But it is a deep love that is betrayed,
It cuts to the very core of my soul
a pain so beyond my words!

I weep, I shake with rage! Wrath!
I think of her, rage boils within!
Nothing can express how I feel!
I want reconciliation, a love to regrow…
Choices have been made,
The dye has been cast.
A marriage over, a grief of one dead
but yet still alive.
A grief beyond words!

Though I know that God loves me
that His love knows no bounds,
and that it is sacrificial...
It is hard to perceive, to understand…
When there are so many holes,
places of loss and of pain.
But yet, through time,
God helps me to move on,
past the brokenness and pain.

Some Thoughts

It is just after midnight where I at in the Middle East. Once again, I am having one of those nights wheren though tired, I am not able to fall asleep. Since I have not made a blog entry for a whilen I figured that I would do so now.

For what ever reason, this deployment semms to have just dragged on. Unlike my other three deployments, which gelt like they were going quite quickly. And add to the mix a lot of back pain...

I recently put in an application for transferring to another unit in the Nebradka National Guard. The position was Behavioral Health NCO. The more I read sbout the position, the school, and the MOS, the more excited I was about the position. It sounded like it would be a perfect match for my personality, training and experience. But, alas, God did not open that door for me.

Am I disappointed? Yes. But, I trust that God closed that door for a reason. Therefore, I will continue to walk in faith. I do not understand, but I am striving to be obedient.

Worship at the Chapel was pretty good today. The Chaplain used Acts 2:41-47 as the basis of his message. The main theme was on the Early Churches' primary goals.

In fact, he had us do a ministry audit. On a sheet of paper, he had at least 13 different emphasis of ministry, including worship, Biblical teaching, fellowship, etc. What he asked us to do was rate each of them grom 1-4. One would be of least importance and four being most important. He wanted the feedback so that we as a Body of Christ be more focused and effectibe in our ministry on this particular base. I will share more about that later.

Thanksgiving is this week. One of my favorite sayings is, "Give thanks you are not the turkey!" And, yes, that is meant as a joke. But, it is also meant to get one thinking. "About what?"you might ask... Quite a bit, actually.

My hope in making such an absurd comment is to help people look at life from a dlightly different perspective. And, that is something thatvi often have a hard time doing. Being an INFJ, I am sensing the world around me. Not just sounds, colors, smells, but also reading body language, sensing how people feel, etc. When there is a lot going on around me, my senses can easily get overloaded. When that does happen, I have to take several steps back and refocus. Or, sometimes I just have to have alone time to process things and recharge.

During the holidays, it is so easy for a person to get so wrapped up I n the plsnningn preparation, the entertaining, etc., that he/she looses sight of the actual meaning of the celebration. We all do at times.

If you do celebrate Thanksgiving, I encourage you to spend some time reflecting on what you are thankful for. Whether by your self, or with friends and family, make a list of thankfulness. Even if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, you csn do this.

When you make your list, post it somewhere where it can be seen. That way you can use it during times of stress to refocus.

As a Christian, God wants me to have a thankful attitude towards Him and towards others. This can be extremely difficult to do. Especially when we are going through difficult times. But, with His help, it can be done. Sometimes, we have to make lists of His blessings as a reminder. Sometimes we have to use humor to change our focus. What are you thankful for?

An Amish Murder Critique

References:
- An Amish Murder
- 2 Corinthians 5:11-21 NAS


The other day, I watched a very interesting movie on Netflix called, "An Amish Murder." In a nutshell, a young lady grows up in the Amish community, a traumatic event happens in her life, and she leaves the Amish community to pursue a career in Law Enforcement. Years later, after making detective, she returns to a small town in Ohio near where she grew up as the police chief. While she is home, a series of murders take place. These murders are eerily like the ones that were committed when she was growing up.

One of the reasons why I enjoyed the movie was because it was a very good thriller. Throughout the movie, one thinks that the serial killer might be one person. Then, maybe someone else. The end is a bit of a surprise. I always enjoy movies like that because it challenges me to be observant of the facts. Most thriller movies like this one will have the clues needed to make the right connection at the end. It's just that many of them are very subtle. At least for me, it's a fun game to see if I can guess correctly. With this movie, I have to admit, I almost didn't catch on to who the real culprit was until near the end.

Having been a military analyst and currently being a MP (Military Policeman), I enjoy a good crime thriller at times. It was also good in that two of the main characters were wrestling with different traumatic events in their lives. Different but similar enough that they were able to relate and help each other. At least to me, that gave it a more interesting and human twist. How many of us have experienced major difficulties, even a traumatic event, and then the growth and healing that we experienced was then used to help someone else? I know that God has used difficulties that I've experience to be a blessing to others. There has also been times where God used lessons that I learned while not dealing with a situation well to help someone else facing a similar situation. Although it was extremely painful to deal with at the time, seeing how God has helped others always gives me a good feeling.

Something else that I really appreciated about this movie was the theme of being an ambassador between two very different cultures. As I have mentioned several other times in my blog, I have had the opportunity to interact with people from all over the world. Most of my experiences have been in Europe and Iraq. But, I have gotten to know people from many other cultures, too. There have been times when I did not represent myself well to others. We all do that. Over the years, I have made it a point to learn from my mistakes and to better understand the cultural background of others.

Because of the lessons that I have learned over the years, I am typically able to interact with those from a foreign country. This is not always easy. There are things that some cultures do on a daily basis (or don't do) that many Americans find offensive. An example that comes to my mind has to do with deodorant. I had several friends in seminary who were from Africa. Both of these men had good hygiene habits, but neither of them used deodorant. Because of this, they both had bo (body odor). In my conversations with fellow students, I found out that many of them found this annoying or even extremely aggravating. I'm not sure if any of them talked with these two individuals or not. But, they were definitely vocal about it to fellow students.

Although I wasn't happy about their bo, I did understand that in their home country, deodorant wasn't often used. So I accepted them as they were. Something interesting, though, was that I noticed that both men had a unique scent. This made for a few amusing situations when one of them approached me and I was able to correctly identify who it was without looking.

When I was working in Iraq in 2010-11, I was interacting with people from all over the world. Not just Iraqi government officials and Iraqi military personnel, but business people from Iraq and many countries all over the world. Each of them had their own cultures. I was able to do my job well because I strove to treat each person that came into my office with respect as a person and to their native culture. This enabled me to not only get my job done effectively, but it also helped to foster positive relationships between the US Army and those who did business or worked for other governments. Several people were so touched by how I did my best to respect their cultures that they asked to work with me or even gave me unique gifts from their business or embassy.

To touch on the Scripture passage from 2nd Corinthians, that is what God calls us to do to everyone around us. God calls each of us to be His representative to others in this world. The Greek word that Paul uses in Galatians 6:20 and the 2nd Corinthians passage is προσβευο (pres-byoo'-o), which means: 1. to be older, prior by birth or in age, or 2. to be an ambassador, act as an ambassador. It is used only twice in the New Testament, with both being the second definition. But, how can we do this?

An ambassador must be highly knowledgeable of two different cultures and (often times also languages). Of course, he has to fully understand his native culture and language. That is a given. But, the ambassador must also be highly knowledgeable of the culture and language of the country that he is living in. He or she must understand both extremely well so that they can effectively translate what his or her native country wants to something that the host country can understand. And, since some things that are acceptable in country may be extremely offensive in another one, he or she needs to keep this in mind as they work with their host country in understanding what their native country wants.

When we become a Christian, our new residency is now in Heaven with God, though we still live in this world. As we grow as a Christian, we need to learn as much as we can about who God is and what He expects of us and Followers of Christ. As we learn more about our adopted homeland (Heaven) God expects us to tell others of this world about Him. To do so, we have to understand the language and culture that we live in. That is often a given, having grown up in a particular state or town and, now as a Christian, teaching others about Christ. However, God often guides us to someplace new. When this happens, we have to learn about the new culture, traditions, and language. Because of regional slang being different throughout any country, there are things that one always has to learn that are unique to that area.

Each of us has become a Christian because God used someone to introduce us to Christ. God has also used many people and circumstances in our lives to teach us more about Him. Some people sought to purposely direct us towards Christ. Others sought to do evil to us, but God used the circumstances to bring about His good will. As followers of Christ, God expects us to direct others to Him. He wants us to be His ambassadors to this fallen world so that others can receive His salvation. That requires us to not only understand His Word (the Bible), but to understand those with whom we interact with, as well as seek to teach others about God. All of this requires time and effort.

I have seen all to often people visiting a foreign country and, either because they lacked interest in learning about another culture or arrogance that their culture was superior, they caused friction, ill will, or even caused severe problems. And, that particular person or group of people may not have suffered the consequences of their laziness or arrogance, but someone who was totally innocent of the previous event. There have been a few times during my travels that people have not wanted to be respectful towards me because of what others have done. Sometimes my actions and attitude help them change their minds towards Americans or towards Christians. But, that isn't always the case. Should we not strive to be the best representative of God to the world? Should we not live in such a way that others will want to know Christ as we have come to know Him?

Reflections on 16 October 2015

I know that it has been a while since I posted an entry here. Things have been very busy for me for the last week or so. But, since I have some down time, I thought that I would write some reflections. And, just so you know, I am writing this on my phone. So, if things seem oddly organized or grammar is poor, that is probably why.

One of my biggest challenges is getting the right balance of personal time for reflecting and recharging, and still getting the socializing that I need. Throw in the responsibilities of being a supervisor and you have quite a balanxing act. There are days where I feel recharged enough that I can face the challengea of life. Other times I feel so drained that anything social is a challenge. And, there are times where I don't have the luxury of recharging, I just have to "suck it up and drive on." So challenging!

Spiritual warfare ia very real. The closer one walks with God and the more you strive to be obedient to Him, the more you should expect spiritual attacks. I have been walking with Christ since January of 1994. You would think that I would not easily get "spiritually ambushed." But, there arw times that I do. But, even when that does happen, my response is typically to return to even more feaverent of prayer.

In the last few weeks, I have been engaged in some very intense spiritual warfare. Between praying for my Chain of Command, the people who persecute the Body of Christ (especially nations that so ao harahly), my family, and several people who arw facing great difficulties, I have received a great deal of "feedback." And not the positive kind.

In fact, a few weeks ago, I couldn't sleep so I did some intense praying. Not too long after I started, I started feel a real heaviness on me. The more I prayed, the worse it got. It got so bad that I started to shake. So, I asked other prayer warriors to pray for me. It seemed that I had really stirred the hornets' nest. And, it worked. Soon after that, I was able to fall back to sleep.

Been enjoying the Bible Study I and another NCO have been doing. I find it so fascinating that the Gospel of John has such simple language, but yet is so deep in the theology! I have joked on several ocassions that I could spend two or maybe even three week on each chapter! They arw just that rich in theology! The dialogue during the studies have been very exciting and informative. I've pointed out a lot of things that others had not noticed before, and others have shared insights that I had not noticed. Such an awesome experience!

I found a very helpful website called "introvertdear.com." I found it about 3 weeks ago and have been reading it regularly ever since. I had ways wondered qhy I reacted to somethings like I have, or why I would feel so utterly drained, even on a good day, when helping others. Things are making more sense now. God hasmade each of us unique. But, certain personalities are more common than others. And, praise God, I have found several INFJ groups on Facebook. It has been so encouraging, talking with others who have had similar experiences.

Life is very challenging. I definitely have been experiencing a lot of stretching in my life. It is both draining and exciting at the same time. I am definitely not the same person I was just a year ago. But, then again, in a year, or even in just a few months, I will be different than I am now. All through out life one should strive to continue to learn and grow as a person. And, as a Christian, one should continously strive to deepen one's walk with Christ.

One other thought before I close this entry. We must always remember that we do not always know what God is doing in our lives and in the lives of those around us. Sometimes God allows us to see glimpses of what He is doing. But, not always. We must walk in faith the God will honor what we do in faith and bring about His perfect will. Just like it takes months or even yeara for a plant to grow, mature, and evwn bare fruit, so it is in our lives. We must patiently wait for Gid to do His will. And, waiting can be so very hard, too. May God help us to do so.

Living a Lie

References:
- Romans 3:9-20 NAS
- 1 John 1:5-10 NAS
- The Village (2004)

I finished watching a very interesting movie not to long ago called, “The Village (2004).” It was written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan. I know that not everyone out there likes spoilers, so I will try to not tell too much. According to the IMDB page, it is considered to be a mystery, drama and a romance movie. Those descriptions definitely do fit. But, I believe there is a very important theological bent to this movie, too. The theological concept of human kind and human nature.

One of the first things that we learn in the movie is that the members of The Village have a pact or truce of sorts. It seems that there is some sort of intelligent creature living in the woods surrounding the village. The agreement comes to light that, as long as they do not wear 'the bad color' and do not venture into the woods, the creatures will not come into their Village and cause harm. This underlined fear of the creatures in the woods in one of the main themes driving the movie. The fear of these creatures and the evil of 'people in the other towns' keep the members of this community totally isolated from anyone else. In fact, there is a continuous fear that if anyone were to visit one of 'those towns,' it could destroy their 'innocent community.'

Watching the movie, set in 'olde Pennsylvania,' we see what appears to be a genuine utopia. There are no weapons seen at all. One starts to wonder if we are observing an Amish-like culture. There are definitely Judeo Christian values, though nothing really overt. At one point in the movie, a young man who has some sort of mental problems is seen hitting some other boys with a stick in a playful manner, and then they all start wrestling. It is soon broken up and the young boy who was 'playing roughly' with the other kids is threatened with punishment. Although things seem a little odd (at least to me), it's all believable.

Two things soon happen that seem to jeopardize everything. One is that two members of the community venture into the woods. One due to the fact that he lacks understanding, the other who chooses to do so. The other threat to everyone's existence is an 'accident' that happens. Because of a love triangle one person is almost fatally injured. The governing counsel must now decide what to do because of the choices that others have made. And, it turns out, a lot of things are not what they seem.

One of the words that is used a lot during the movie is the term “innocence.” It is the hope that The Village Elders that this status quo of 'innocence' is maintained. They go to great lengths to make sure that people do not violate 'the pact' by crossing the boarder/perimeter. They also make sure that people are living good lives of loving each other and not harming others. Although throughout the first half of the movie, things seem to go well. Though there are jealousies and arguments, there does not seem to be any 'overt sin.' But yet, eventually, we realize that evil is still present and a terrible act (this 'accident') happens. Everyone is affected, and it threatens to destroy everything. People seem to be panicky and at wits end with how to deal with all of the events without showing evil.

All in all, I did enjoy the movie. I knew enough of the plot that I was able to pick up on many of the 'hints' throughout the film. But, it also really got me thinking. How often do we try to play this game? That is, how often do we pretend that we can overcome our own evil, sinful nature through our own strength? Many religions teach this idea. That by self-discipline, one can distance ourselves from our sinful nature so as to not act out on it. Throughout Scripture, we see that we are complete incapable of doing so. Sin will rear its ugly head sooner or later. And, there will be consequences when this happens.

Now, it is important to discipline ourselves. We are called to live our life of obedience to God's Laws. The thing is, Scripture teaches is that it is not by our own strength that we can do this. As Jesus tells the Pharisee Nicodemus, one has to be 'born again' or 'born from above.' (John 3:1-21) It is only when the Holy Spirit dwells within us and seek to let It control our lives that we can live a life pleasing to God. The thing is, we will never be 'perfect' and live a 'sinless life' in this world. We will always struggle with sin. But, in our journey in life, as we seek to let God guide our lives, we can become 'more Christ-like.' The theological term for this is sanctification. A good definition of this word is:

“involves more than a mere moral reformation of character, brought about by the power of the truth: it is the work of the Holy Spirit bringing the whole nature more and more under the influences of the new gracious principles implanted in the soul in regeneration. In other words, sanctification is the carrying on to perfection the work begun in regeneration, and it extends to the whole man”. reference here

Movies are wonderful for entertainment. And they can be very good tools for teachings important lessons in life. But, it is important that we take the teachings of God's Word as the foundation of our lives. So relax and read a good book or watch a good movie. They can be wonderful entertainment. But, be discerning in what you take in. Let God's Spirit guide each of us as we learn and grow.