Ministering to a Divided Nation

References:

•           ESSENTIAL CIVIL WAR CURRICULUM Chaplains in the Civil War, by Richard G. Williams, Jr. (http://www.essentialcivilwarcurriculum.com/chaplains-in-the-civil-war.html)
•          Faith on the Firing Line, Army Chaplains in the Civil War (https://www.archives.gov/publications/prologue/2016/spring/chaplains.html)

·         Article with numerous pictures from The Chaplain Kit (https://thechaplainkit.com/chaplains/19th-century-wars/civil-war/)

·         Jewish Chaplains in the Civil War (https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/jewish-chaplains-in-the-civil-war/)

·         Site from Find A Grave where you can learn more about the different Chaplains in the Union Army (https://www.findagrave.com/virtual-cemetery/100961)

Thoughts and Reflections…

While watching Ken Burns documentary on the Civil War, I was a bit surprised to hear him talking about the various pastors and Chaplains who served in both the Union and the Confederate armies.  Although the Christian faith, both for justifying slavery in the South and for justifying abolitionism in the North have often been referenced, the fact that there were Chaplains serving in both armies was a bit of a surprise.  So, I decided to do a little bit of research on my own of this particular topic, and was surprised by how much I found.  Above are just a few of the articles that I came across in a short period of time.  And, I am quite intrigued by this.

As many of you might know, I have been in the Army (Active Duty and Nebraska National Guard) for over 17 years now.  However, something I do not recall sharing yet is the fact that I have tried to become a Chaplain with the US Army Nebraska National Guard.  Although I have always wanted to become a church pastor, there has always been a problem with becoming ordained.  Back in 2010 or so, I attempted to become ordained via a different route, via the Army Chaplain Corps.  Unfortunately, though, that did not work out, either.  However, that has not stopped God from using me on many occasions during my deployments, especially my third (2010-11) and fourth (2015) deployments.

Ever since I joined my current unit, the 192^nd Military Police Law and Order Detachment, I have often served as an ‘unofficial Chaplain’ to the other members of the unit.  There have been many occasions where a fellow Soldier has come to me for emotional and spiritual guidance.  On many occasions I have been asked to do the blessings before an event like a picnic or holiday meal.  While deployed, the Chaplains where I located gave me permission to teach a volunteer Bible Study and even assist them with leading worship.  This even happened one time while I was with the 82^nd Airborne Division.

Sometime between 2003-04, myself and several other members of B Company, 313^th Military Intelligence Battalion, were finishing our pre-jump exercises.  As per tradition, one of the Jump Masters asked if there was a Chaplain in the group of Soldiers who could lead us in a moment of prayer.  This was one of the few times where there wasn’t one.  However, somebody who knew me said, “Underwood here went to seminary!  He’s basically a Chaplain!”  So, I was invited to say a prayer, which I did, asking God for us to have a safe jump.  We loaded the ‘bird’ (airplane, probably a C-130) and took off.  And, we did have a ‘safe jump’ because it ended up being scratched!

When I first started researching this topic this past weekend, I learned that there have been Chaplains in the US Army ever since the Revolutionary War.  In fact, according to the Army History site (https://armyhistory.org/u-s-army-chaplain-corps/):

The U.S. Army Chaplain Corps is one of the oldest and smallest branches of the Army.  The Chaplain Corps dates back to 29 July 1775, when the Continental Congress authorized one chaplain for each regiment of the Continental Army, with pay equaling that of a captain.  In addition to chaplains serving in Continental regiments, many militia regiments counted chaplains among their ranks.

Personally, I find this incredibly fascinating.  From the very beginning, the spiritual well-being of Soldiers has always been a priority!

One of the biggest surprises that I have had in regards to learning more about the Civil War was something I found at Essential Civil War Curriculum site.  About half way down the page, I read about how one of the units in the Confederacy broke new ground concerning the role of the Chaplain.  According to the article, Company M, 7th Tennessee Cavalry was without a Chaplain.  However, there was a slave, nicknamed ‘Uncle Lewis’ who was considered very devout.  They decided to allow him to preach once, and they were so impressed with him that Uncle Lewis (full name was Louis Napoleon Nelson) became the unit’s Chaplain from the spring of 1862 until the close of the Civil War.  How is that for surprising!

This particular subject is something that I will probably try to find a book or two on because of my personal interest in it.  If it’s something that you might have some interested in, I encourage you to do your own research on it.  You may be surprised at what you learn.

The Civil War saw many innovations in the realm of warfare, how we live, economics, etc.  It was a very bloody affair, extremely brutal and horrific.  However, I am finding more and more things about the Civil War that I can learn from.  Although many are military related, not all of them are.

RC

Some Civil War Reflections

References:

• ·         The Battle of Gettysburg (https://www.history.com/topics/american-civil-war/battle-of-gettysburg)
• ·         Gettysburg (1993) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107007/)
• ·         Ken Burns ‘The Civil War’ (http://www.pbs.org/kenburns/civil-war/)
• ·         Lincoln (2012) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443272/)

Thoughts and reflections…

For those that know me, this will probably not surprise you much.  Fellow INFJs will probably not be surprised, either.  But, as I write this blog entry, I am currently listening to music from the Civil War period.  Yes, I do often really immerse myself into something that greatly interests me.  And, since I am researching things to do on our ‘Learning Vacation’ next year, I am really immersing myself.  And yes, I am very much enjoying it!

Throughout my 40+ years of life, I have worked as a pastor (paid and volunteer roles), been a soldier, worked both law enforcement and corrections, and have visited many different places in Europe and the Middle East.  I have not seen nearly as much as I want to, but I still have seen more than many have.  All of these experiences have deeply enriched my life, even if I did not want some of them.

For example, as a pastor and as Custody Staff at the prison I currently work at, I seek to give people the tools that they need in order to become better people.  Sometimes I am able to engage in very deep and thoughtful conversations.  Other times, I have to spoon-feed people in very basics.  This is true while doing ministry and while working at the prison.  Think that is odd?  I have seen people, while going through very difficult struggles, expose the deep ugliness in their hearts in both places.  As well as see the goodness that they might be trying to hide under their harsh exterior.  This may be surprising to some, even shocking.  Others may be smiling and nodding, having ‘been there and done that…’

I’ve been in the US Army since 2001, working Military Intelligence, Military Police, and several other minor roles.  Having been an Airborne paratrooper with the 82^nd Airborne Division during my first deployment in 2003-04, I have been in harm’s way on numerous occasions.  While serving overseas, I have not been in direct combat, but I have been literately on the edge.  I’ve had rockets explode a block or so from where I was sleeping, I’ve had several vehicle-borne explosives (car bombs) detonate close enough that I very clearly felt the concussion against my whole body, heard the deafening roar of the explosion.  Been ‘on the wall’ at one point of a compound and see tracers about a block away from me go back and forth across the street.  A furious firefight maybe a football field away from my position.

Though I have been blessed with not being actual combat while deployed, I still have lots of experience with dealing with prison violence.  I have been one of the first responders, responding to a fight on many occasions, many of which were fairly bloody.  I have responded to several attempted, and at least one successful suicide attempts.  Many Inmates have come at me in a threatening manner, actively restrained one Inmate attempted to assault another co-worker, had Inmates piss on me, had fecal matter thrown at me…  I’ve had my share of experiences…

And, many of my experiences grossly pale compared to those of others.  I have talked with several people who have seen actual combat.  I have watched numerous movies and documentaries on battles, homicides, etc.  Just like all of my experiences have molded me into the person that I am, I see how the experiences of others have greatly affected them.  Some have learned how to deal with it, some struggle after decades.

To help with my preparations for the ‘Learning Vacation,’ I am watching Ken Burns ‘The Civil War’ (on Netflix) and the movie ‘Gettysburg’ (we own the DVD).  About two weeks ago, we watched the movie ‘Lincoln’ on Netflix.  Each of these films/series have been extremely informative on what the Civil War was all about.  It wasn’t just about State Rights vs. Federal Rights, nor just about Slavery vs. Freedom.  Many people, not just President Lincoln, greatly wrestled with how to do things, whom to trust, what the likely consequences might be, etc.

My son, who is most likely an INFJ like me, absolutely loved watching Lincoln (2012) a few weeks ago.  Since it is not an action movie, but a biography, drama, history movie, I was very impressed with how attentively he watched it.  It is believed by many that President Lincoln was an INFJ, and I believed that they captured that extremely well in the movie.  Not just his quietness and reflective nature, but also how he was able to ‘connect the dots’ more easily than others, be able to evaluate things from different and even opposing perspectives, etc.  Loved it!

Like anyone who has gone through high school and college, I took quite a few classes on the American Civil War.  I though that I had learned a lot.  However, I am realizing just how much I can still learn about that whole experience.  Although slavery and abolitionism have a lot to do with the Civil War, they have their own rich and incredible history.  Are you familiar with William Wilberforce?  If not, I highly recommend looking up that particular English abolitionist.  I have learned some about him and John Newton, former slave trader turned preacher and abolitionist.  Incredible, incredible stories!

After I finish watching this blog entry, I will finish watching Gettysburg with my kids.  After that, I might read some more on Frederick Douglas, or I might try to work on my on-line Army class that I am trying to finish.  I haven’t decided yet.  On top of that, I still have to finish getting ready for work tomorrow.  Lots and lots to do.

I do highly encourage you to read more about Frederick Douglas, William Wilberforce, John Newton, and others like them.  Even if you might not agree with their theological perspectives (I am not sure about Douglas, but Wilberforce and Newton were very devote Christians), there is still a lot that you can learn from their experiences and hardships.

RC

A Dark and Stormy Night

References:
• Matthew 27:33-54 NAS
• Mark 15:22-39 NAS
• Luke 23:33-49 NAS

For those who don’t know me, there are some things that I really enjoy that others may not like at all. For example, I enjoy a good thunderstorm. Having grown up in northeastern Kansas (almost 10 whole years), I came to enjoy ‘God’s light show,’ the patter of rain on the windows, looking for rainbows, etc. No, I have not met Dorothy or Toto.

Something else that I really enjoy is a good suspense thriller or horror movie. Now, I do not care for the ‘slasher films’ that are so popular. For me to enjoy the movie, there has to be an intelligent plot, good character development, and unexpected plot twists are always a plus. One example would be the Showtime series “Penny Dreadful” that is on Netflix. I found the series to be a very interesting and unique retelling of various horror stories like Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, etc. It’s not for everyone, that’s for sure.

I do know that some Christians believe that it is evil to watch horror movies because of their portrayal of witchcraft, promotion of evil deeds, etc. There have been a number of movies that I stopped watching because of reasons similar to these. But, for the most part, just like science fiction, I know that they are fictitious, not real, and that they are not (normally) based on Scripture but on myths, pagan beliefs, etc. And, having experience real spiritual warfare myself over the years, I find myself often laughing at how things are portrayed.

Quite frankly, my wife and I will sometimes watch a poorly based horror movie and entertain ourselves with making fun of it. Her experiences are very different than mine when it comes to spiritual warfare. Because of this, there are times where I will seek her thoughts on something, or she will ask me for my input. Our different experiences, personalities (I am an INFJ and she is the polar opposite, an ESTP), training, etc., help us to become better together.

The thunderstorms that we have been experiencing the last few days, including today, helped inspire this blog entry. That, and the fact that I have been watching a number of pretty good horror/thriller movies lately. That, and it’s the night before Easter.

Why am I making these connections? It’s something that I, as an INFJ, do very easily. It’s how my mind works. But, there is a real logic to all of this, if you will just bare with me a little more. Spiritual warfare is essentially the legions of Satan fighting against God and trying to keep each of us away from God’s love and mercy. Whether it is more subtle attacks against our faith in God through friends and family concerning our faith in Christ and belief in Scripture, or they are made manifest in attacks on our character or even our bodies. It all has roots in the spiritual world. It is not something that we see (unless God grants us the ability to see into the spiritual realm), but it’s something that we feel the effects of.

Think about it. Christ’s crucifixion was greatest battle in the eternal war between God and Lucifer (now known as Satan). Up until Jesus’ death and resurrection, we were all spiritually dead, eternally separated from God because of our sinful nature. We belonged to Satan, the ruler of this world. On Good Friday, when Jesus was crucified, Satan genuinely believed that he had won the battle, and the war. It wasn’t until Sunday morning, when Jesus rose again from the dead, that Satan realized that he not only lost that battle, but he also lost the war.

I work for the Nebraska Department of Correctional Services, have been there for almost 10 whole years now. Because of the evil within a lot of the Inmates, every day is intense emotionally and spiritually for me. Not every Inmate is ‘evil-incarnate,’ but quite a few are. Also, because of the sin that many have lived in, demonic forces dwell around, and sometimes within. It’s an environment that I walk within almost daily. Because I have spent about half of my career working within the segregation unit, dealing with people who tend to do evil things on a regular basis, often ‘just of kicks’ or for pure enjoyment, it is sometimes very, very intense.

Although this job can be very dark and morbid, a lot, God does touch lives through me, both staff and inmates. God has used me to encourage those who do follow Him in their individual walks, and He has used me to point others to Him. Both staff and Inmates. God’s love, grace, and peace do indeed shine in the life of several staff members and a number of Inmates. Though they may be just as guilty as the two thieves that hung on either side of Jesus (just as all of us are), some have turned to Jesus and said, “Jesus, remember me when You come in Your kingdom!” (Luke 23:42)

Scripture testifies to the evil within our hearts. Scripture testifies to the incredible holiness of God. Scripture also testifies to God’s ‘steadfast love’ for each of us. On that dark, dark day, when Jesus was crucified, the veil in the Temple (a very thick and heavy curtain) was torn in two from top to bottom, the eternal separation between a holy God and sinful human race, was torn open. Two thieves died along with that Glorious Savior. One mocking Him, when acknowledging his sinfulness and seeking His mercy. Which are you?

Dangers and Protection

References:
• Matthew 10:16-23 NAS
• Psalm 91 NAS
• Psalm 23 NAS
• שּׂבּﬨ (shay'-bet)
• משענה (mish-ay-naw')
• Our Daily Bread: Refuge

This past week has seen two assaults upon staff by inmates in two different state prisons. This is not the first time that such an assault has taken place within one of the several Nebraska Department of Corrections prisons. In fact, almost a year ago, there was a major riot on Mother’s Day in 2015. Our work is an inherently dangerous one because of the people that we work with. Every day, we go to work with a cautious and alert attitude, knowing that anything can happen.

Over my 40+ years, I have worked many different jobs. Ranging from camp counselor at a Church Camp, to being a student pastor at a church, to doing ministry to children at an inpatient treatment center (while in seminary), to being an Airborne paratrooper, to being a MP with the Nebraska national Guard. With each of these different jobs, I faced rewards and challenges unique to each environment. Between my almost 15 years with the US Army, between Active Duty and time with the Nebraska National Guard, I have been deployed four times. Three times to Iraq and once to Qatar. Of course, there were significant dangers with each of these deployments. Facing danger definitely isn’t new with me.
To be honest, each of us face dangers of one sort or another. Whenever we wake up each day and go to school or work, walk around town, go to church, go shopping, etc., there are always risks involved. There is always the chance that a we could get into an accident, slip one something, large branch could fall from a tree upon our head, be bitten by some dangerous insect or animal, have a severe allergic reaction to something, etc. We live in a fallen world, plagued with decay and death. But, some jobs seem to have more risks and dangers than others.

When I joined the military or joined NDCS, I went through training to prepare my physically and mentally for the challenges and dangers that I might face. Though all of the training is helpful and absolutely necessary, things always seem different when you are faced with a dangerous situation in real life.

While I drive to work each morning, I prayerfully put on God’s spiritual armor (Ephesians 6) and ask God watch over and protect myself and all of my co-workers. Along with that, I ask God to help us to be aware of things around us. Being alert is paramount!

I know that everyone prays to a god of whatever religious persuasion they follow for help, guidance, protection, etc. Whenever I do, I always remind myself that God always answers prayers, but not always the way that I expect.
Many Soldiers over the decades have found Psalm 91 to be exceedingly comforting. It is sometimes referred to as “The Soldier’s Psalm.” I have found comfort and encouragement in this particular Psalm on several occasions. But, Psalm 23 comes to my mind more often.

Almost 20 years ago, I was in seminary and took a Hebrew reading class. It was one of the few classes that I did extremely well in. Throughout the short semester, we would take various passages from the Old Testament and carefully research the Hebrew text. Afterwards, we would then translate the passage. As long as we could justify the word choice, the professor would accept it. While I was working on Psalm 23, something very interesting stood out to me. The words that are typically translated as ‘rod’ and ‘staff’ very interesting meanings. The first word, שּׂבּﬨ (shay'-bet), can mean ‘staff’ or ‘club.’ The other word, משענה (mish-ay-naw'), does mean ‘staff.’

Since I have a very vivid imagination (one of the strengths of being an INFJ), I pictured in my mind how this might look. In my mind, I saw a flock of sheep with a shepherd or two mingling amongst them. The shepherds watched the sheep, guiding them from place to place. They showed them where to graze on healthy grass and drink from clean water. Then I pictured a wild animal, let’s say a wolf, approach the flock. At first the shepherd would ‘reach out’ to the wolf with the sling and stone if they could. If they missed or there wasn’t time to get a stone ready, they would attack the wolf with the long staff. If that missed, or if the wolf was too close, the shepherd still had the rod (or club) to defend themselves and the sheep with.

That got me thinking just how God might protect me and others, from dangers that may be far away or those that may be right next to us. Just like any protective armor or weapon used for self-defense, they do not always work. Some people, though very highly protected, still get injured or killed. Though a person goes through years of training and become very skilled in protecting themselves and others, it doesn’t always work that way.

In both Psalm 23 and Psalm 91, we see that God is there to protect us, strengthen us, guide us. But, in real life, we also experience pain and death in spite of all the draining and safety precautions that we take. Sometimes we are in awe with how God miraculously saved us or someone else from harm when they should have been hurt or killed. But yet, not always.

It is a struggle when we so earnestly plead with God for safety for ourselves and others, but they are injured or killed. It is painful to see someone train hard for years, do everything right, purposely are careful, and still get hurt or die. We often wonder, “Why?”

What is comforting to me is, that no matter what the outcome will be, God will be there with me. I have been in several situations where I could have been seriously hurt or killed, but yet God miraculously protected me. But though God has done incredible things for me, He has also allowed pain and suffering to happen to myself or those around me. In 2006, a very good friend of mine died in Afghanistan from a IED (improvised explosive device). Several friends of mine within the Nebraska Department of Corrections have been injured while at work.

We all face danger each and every day. We all have a responsibility to think carefully, get the education and training that we need to be safer, to be aware of what is happening around us, etc. But in spite of all we do right, there is no guarantee that the outcome will be what we want. God never promised that. He only promised that He would be there with us, guiding us as we let Him. Just knowing that God will be with me, no matter what I go through, is great encouragement. I do not know what God will allow me to experience in the future. But, I know that God will be there with me, no matter what.

With whatever you are experiencing today, I encourage you to seek God’s help, His blessings, and His protection. Trust that He will answer your prayer. Just understand that His answer may not be what we are hoping or wanting. Let us remember that God loves us more than we can understand. He sees the ‘big picture.’ And, no matter what happens in our lives, let us radically trust God to use our obedience to accomplish His will. Though we may never fully understand the ‘why,’ let us walk in faith that He does. And may God give us the knowledge we need to make decisions we need to make, may He give us wisdom with how to do them, and the strength and courage to do them. And, if necessary, the strength and courage to do it alone, or to lay down our lives.

A Spiritual Awakening

References:
• Force Awakens Movie
• Star Wars page for Force Awakens
• Kylo Ren
• 1 Peter 5:6-9 NAS
• Ephesians 4:17-32 NAS
• Romans 7:14-25 NAS

Last night I watched the movie, “The Force Awakens.” I have been a Star Wars fan ever since I was 4 years old and saw “A New Hope” when it first came out in the theaters. I loved it back then, and I love it now. Like many people, I was not sure how good it would be. I know that J.J. Abrams did an awesome job (in my opinion) of rebooting the Star Trek franchise. So I was hoping that he would do a good job with “The Force Awakens.” And it was a very well done movie.

I thoroughly enjoyed the return of many of the original characters, including Han Solo, Luke, Leia, etc. And, think that the new characters like Finn, Rey, and Kylo Ren were done well and have awesome potential. Over the years, I have read many of the novels from the Star Wars Expanded Universe. Although I am a little disappointed that J.J. Abrams didn’t totally go that direction, I do think he did a good job with the direction that he went. And, like usual, I am eagerly looking forward to reading the novel that is based on the movie. I always find the differences between the visual movies and the written novels to be fascinating and informing. (The movies focus on the visual interpretations of what the characters do while the novel give insight into the ‘why’ they did things or “What the heck were you thinking!”)

Like most movies, I watched “The Force Awakens” both from an entertainment perspective and an analytical one. And, like usual, there were a few things that really stuck out to me. I have my opinions on several of the character reactions that were shown in the movie. But, since the movie just opened and many people haven’t seen it yet and don’t like spoilers, I will perhaps talk about them in a later blog entry.

One thing that really stood out to me was the moral wrestling that one of the main characters went through during the movie. Instead of one of the main evil characters being just ‘purely evil,’ Kylo Ren repeatedly grappled with the evil that he wanted to do and what his heart wanted. In other words, he wanted to emulate his ‘hero,’ Darth Vader and follow the Dark Side (evil) of the Force. However, throughout the movie, he kept feeling the draw back to the Light Side (good). I found this wrestling that he did to be a very good plot and character development.

Think about it… How many of us want to do go and yet wrestle with our sinful impulses? I know that I do. Paul wrote about it in his letter to the Christians in Rome (mentioned above). He knew what was write and wanted to do it (things that pleased God), but yet his sinful nature constantly pushed him to rebel against God’s Commands. Whether we want to admit to this or not, it is something that we all do. Although we know the ‘right’ things to, our nature is contrary to this. It is easier to fulfill the sinful/selfish desires of our hearts than it is to think of others.

Here we have Kylo Ren, a young man who is thirsting after the (felt) power that the Dark Side of the Force has to offer. He has heard stories (and probably read many a Star Wars universe version newspapers, magazines, and books) about his grandfather, Anakin Skywalker. The Dark Lord becomes someone he wants to emulate, becomes a real hero for. Yet, as he continues to walk down his ‘dark path,’ he continuously feels the Light Side (good) call him. On many occasions he calls to Darth Vader, to Supreme Leader Snoke, etc., for ‘help’ to help him maintain his path to the Dark Side.

While studying theology, working as a MP, and while working as Custody Staff with the Nebraska State of Corrections, I have seen many people strive to do this. Although they feel their conscience tell them that what they are doing is wrong, yet they still seek to do it. They want to enjoy the (temporary) ‘good feeling’ that indulging their sinful desires produces. And even they are constantly trying to ‘sear their conscience,’ they still feel that conviction. They still feel that conviction that what they are doing is wrong, that they are heading down the wrong path, etc.

God gave all of us a conscience to help us realize when we are doing something wrong. Just like His Laws, our conscience is there to guide us in right living. But yet, how often do we seek to ‘silence that nagging voice’ so that we can do things that gratify our sinful desires? It is a constant struggle that we all experience. Even those of us who have been walking with God for many years still feel this struggle. Someone wrongs us and we feel the ‘urge’ to exact revenge. We see something pleasing to the eye and we not just entertain thoughts about it, but want to act out on those desires. We see something that belongs to someone else and we seek to take it four ourselves.

As this year comes to a close and we prepare to celebrate Christmas, let us reflect on just how much God loves us. As John chapter 1 points out so clearly, God lowered Himself in such an incredible way. An infinite and all-powerful God allowed Himself to be born of a simple peasant girl, Mary, to grow up in a very fragile body, experiences pain, hunger, all sorts of human suffering. He chose to do this, not because He had to, but because He wanted to. So that He could redeem us from our sinfulness and enable us to have everlasting life with Him. As we wrestle with our sinful nature, as we seek to be obedient to Christ our Savior, let us remember that He has given us His Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit, working in conjunction with our conscience, is there to draw us way from the ‘Dark Side’ and back to ‘the Light.’ Let us strive to be obedient and rejoice that He still calls us back to Him. No matter how far away we may have been walking, He is always there to draw us back to Himself.

A Disturbing Trend

References:
- Rambo: First Blood (movie currently on Netflix)
- Romans 8:28-39 NAS
- Hebrews 12:1-3 NAS
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NAS

I bet you are wondering why I would use a movie such as “Rambo: First Blood” as a reference for one of my posts. That is a good question. It is, after all, a violent war movie. Although it came out when I was in grade school, I have not watched it until now. Hard to believe, huh? But, I am glad that I did. And, by the time you finish reading this blog entry, I hope you understand why I would use it as a reference.

Tomorrow, on August 10th, there will be a Suicide Awareness 5K Fun Run/Walk. It's to help bring awareness of suicide amongst military veterans. You see, we have a very, very challenging job to do. Just like law enforcement, fire fighting, working in corrections, being a soldier can have a very high physical, emotional and spiritual toll. I took a couple of minutes and Googled suicide amongst veterans. It's almost heartbreaking…

The statistics are pretty varied. According to "The Truth About 22 Veteran Suicides A Day,” by Stacy Bare on June 2, 2015, it is believed that the statistics are only one veteran committing suicide each day. However, another article, “Why suicide rate among veterans may be more than 22 a day,” by Moni Basu, CNN, last edited on 1708 GMT (0108 HKT) November 14, 2013, estimates the statistics to actually be higher. It all depends on where you collect your data, during what time periods, what demographics you use, etc. But one thing we can agree on in general, suicide rates amongst veterans is very high.

I have three deployments to Iraq under my belt. That is more than quite a few people, but a lot less than many others. While I have been near several gunfights and car bombs, I have not actually been in one. The thing is, though, even if you are 200 meters from a car bomb and behind concrete walls, the sound is deafening, you still feel the blast wave, you still wonder “What the hell was that?!” In fact, not only was there a car bomb near where I was at, but several grenades and a lot of automatic fire. It was an attack on a gate not far from where I was at. The terrorist attack upon the Iraqi soldiers was repelled, thankfully. But it was still an attack near where I was.

I have worked with the Nebraska Department of Corrections for over 7 years. I have been a first responder on many occasions to fights, medical emergencies, and attempted suicides. On some occasions I played a support role. On other occasions I was involved with dealing with the situation. There have been times where I have been the team leader for the situation. Each of the situations have left a significant impression on me, and the others who had to respond. Most of the situations were resolved in a good way. But, there were other situations where things did not turn out well.

In my time studying for ministry, being the military, and working in corrections, I have learned many things. One of the things I have learned is that a significant event (like being in an accident, attacked by someone, being attacked by an animal, etc.) affects different people in different ways. For one person, an event may be disturbing, but he or she has no lasting problems. But, someone else can experience years of problems from the exact same situation. Everyone deals with stress differently.

While I was pastoring two United Methodist churches in Nebraska, one individual that I spoke with on several occasions was a former Vietnam Vet. He had felt disconnected from many churches for a variety reason, but his experiences in Vietnam was one. While others had ministered to him in the past, they were not able to connect with him. This was because they could not understand the framework that he had. Although I had not been in combat myself, I still had similar experiences from my deployments. This helped me to connect with him in a positive way.

In the movie, “Rambo: First Blood,” John Rambo is a former Captain and Green Beret. At the beginning of the movie, we see John Rambo trying to reconnect with a former member of his team. Although the widow has to tell him several times, Rambo finally realizes that his friend was dead. We find out later on that he was the last one on his team. Now, John Rambo is the last of this elite team. And, because Sheriff Teasle treats him shamefully, John chooses to be confrontational. Of course, things will not end well because of this.

At one point, about 66 minutes into the movie, we see Colonel (COL) Trautman sitting in a bar. He was John Rambo's former Commander while in Vietnam. Sheriff Teasle sees him, accepts Trautman's invitation to sit with him, and they talk. During this conversation when it is believed that Rambo has been killed, Teasle admits that he had really wanted to kill Rambo himself. Teasle statistically asks COL Trautman, “What would you have done with him if he came in? Would you wrap your arms around him, give him a big sloppy kiss? Or would you have blown his brains out?” Trautman pauses several seconds, then finally says, “I couldn't answer that until I met him face to face.”

Ironically, at the end of the movie, COL Trautman is able to confront Rambo when he is about ready to shoot Sheriff Teasle. Although it isn't immediate, Rambo finally starts listening to COL Trautman. Then something surprising happens. Here is this highly trained warrior suddenly breaking down. Rambo starts talking about his experiences, including one of his team members being killed by an explosion. Except this person wasn't killed immediately. Rambo tries to save him, but his soldier literately dies in his arms. A loved one being mortally injured and dying in your arms, that is really going to affect you. And from the flashbacks you see Rambo having, we know that he had many traumatic events during his service.

When a person is deeply affected by a traumatic event and they develop PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), it can seriously disrupt how a person is able to deal with life. You can read more about PTSD at the VA website and the Mayo Clinic. Not every soldier who deploys develops PTSD. Not every soldier who has PTSD has deployed. Many people in Law Enforcement, are First Responders/EMTs, and every day citizens develop PTSD because of events that they directly experience or witness. Although such events affect each person differently, the effects are felt none-the-less.

Although the events in “Rambo: First Blood” are fictitious, they do reflect what some people go through. COL Trautman was able to reach out to and connect with John Rambo at the end of the movie. But, not until after one man was killed and many others were injured. And then there's the great cost of property damage. The actions of two people at the beginning of the movie, John Rambo and Sheriff Teasle, have devastating consequences. In real life, there are just as much physical and emotional damage. There are many people who have served in the military and experienced traumatic events. When they come home, they not only have to deal with the trauma that they experienced, they have to also deal with the stigma of mental illness, the sigma of seeking help, and the negative perceptions that some people still have towards those who serve.

Being more introverted, I internalize a lot. I have to be very mindful of this and purposefully unwind and decompress. And there have been times where I had to talk with a close friend or a Chaplain to 'take that step back' so that I can better see things for what they really are. When one is under stress, it is very, very easy to develop blinders to all that is going on around you. You can very easily got focused on the thing or situation that is causing stress. When one has problems like PTSD, dealing with such situations become even more difficult.

Life can be extremely challenging at times. There are times where events can seem very overwhelming. At times we have to be like a marathon runner, enduring the difficulties. But, we should not try to deal with extreme situations on our own. I cannot understand everything someone else has gone through because I am not that person. I did not experience what they did the way they did. However, that doesn't mean I cannot listen and share the burden. The Ecclesiastes passage makes clear how important it is to have someone be there and help you. Being more introverted, I recharge best during my alone time. Whether it's through reading, writing, drawing, or just listening to music, I recharge best alone. For those who are more extroverted, they recharge as they interact with others. Neither is better, just different. The thing is, I still am a social person and need to interact with others. There are time where I need to talk with others about things that are bothering me. There are times where I need to use someone else as a sounding board to better 'take a step back' from a situation.

Memorial and Remembrance

Memorial Day is on May 25th of this year. Many of you out there, who celebrate this day, will have BBQ, picnics, visit families, eat big meals, and maybe even watch a parade or go to a ceremony at a cemetery. Some of you will ignore the day, some of you will have to work, and some of you may ponder different things on this day.

I would encourage you to visit this Web Page, which is dedicated to this day. Unlike what many people think, it is not a day dedicated to honoring those who are presently serving (Armed Forces Day) or those who have served in the past (Veterans Day). Memorial Day is set aside to remember those who gave up their lives in service to this country and to protect our freedoms.

I am proud to be serving in the Nebraska National Guard and continue to serve my country. I have been deployed three times and am currently on my fourth deployment. But, Memorial Day is not about me and what I am doing. My Grandfather, MAJ (RET) Earl Underwood SR, who passed away a few years ago, proudly served as a career Army man. But, this day is not about him. Instead, let me tell you about my friend, Kyu Chay.

When I was Active Duty, from 2001-2005, I was stationed at FT Bragg, NC, home of the 82nd Airborne Division. I was a member of the Bravo Company (Blacksheep), 313th Military Intelligence Battalion. Being a Blacksheep, we were attached to 2nd Brigade of the 82nd Airborne Division (this is before things were restructured in 2005). During that time, I was an intelligence analyst and SGT Chay was a linguist (interpreter). We worked together at times and I always enjoyed working with him. He loved a good laugh, wanted to bring out the good of others, and was a very hard worker. Although we didn't hang out together after we were done working, he was someone I highly respected. So did pretty much everyone in our Blacksheep company.

In early 2003, we deployed to Kuwait, waiting for the green light to go into Iraq and remove Saddam Hussein from power. At times we worked near each other, other times we did not. Because we had different roles to play in intelligence gathering, I didn't see the linguists very often. Eventually, in 2004, we returned to the States. I earned my E5 and, within a year, left Active Duty. Although I did keep in touch with some friends from the 'Blacksheep Family,' as we called ourselves, Chay was one that I did not keep in contact with.

Even though not all of us were close friends, all of us who served in B CO Blacksheep were a family because we had served together. Not just in peace time, but during a time of armed conflict. For those who have not been in the military, law enforcement, or similar high risk job, it's hard to understand the kind of 'Family' that we are. And really, it is hard to describe. It's a brotherhood (in the sense of including both men and women) of people that work hard together, protecting each other, fighting for each others' lives so that, with luck and/or God's Grace (depending on your perspective) you can all return home together. Even though I have served with people that I enjoyed working with and with those who really got under my skin (and I am sure the feeling was mutual), I am proud to have served with all of them.

In 2006, I volunteered to deploy with the 867th Quartermaster Battalion, Nebraska National Guard. We started our deployment in Iraq during the summer and was there until the summer of 2007. It was during this time that my wife and I started dating, which was a real high point of my deployment. I learned that Kyu Chay, who had made Staff Sergeant (SSG), was also serving in Afghanistan. It would be his last service to this great country.

At the end of October, 2006, I received an E-mail from a fellow Blacksheep entitled, “Family Tragedy.” It was then that I found out that one of our own had paid the ultimate sacrifice while serving in Afghanistan. He had been killed by a roadside bomb. At first, I just felt a bit numb, shocked really. Here was a guy that I knew, had not been real close friends with, but had served with just three years prior. Not long after that, it just really, really hit me. Honestly, words can't express what it feels like when a brother-in-arms that you know, personally, lays down his or her life. He left behind a wife and two young kids, his parents and a brother. But, he also left behind more than 20 of the Blacksheep Family that had known him and had served with him, and called him a brother.

On Thursday, 21MAY2015, we had a Memorial Day 5K run/walk. When I ran it, I was thinking of Chay. Someone that I knew who had laid down his life for our Country. Even though it was over 90 degrees at night when we ran (it gets hot here in the Middle East), I still ran. Even though my body wanted to stop, I chose to still run. I reminded myself that even though I am not currently on Jump Status, I served as an Airborne Paratrooper for three years, and will always be one. I can push myself. I also reminded myself that, while I am still serving and can run, there are those who have served and gave their lives. They can no longer hold their children, love their spouses, work their jobs, talk with their friends. Therefore, I pushed myself to complete the 5K, even though my body was not wanting to run. I pushed myself because others who came before me are no longer able to. It's part of the reason why I still choose to serve. But, on that Memorial Day Run, I choose to push myself hard to run because Brothers (and Sisters)-in-Arms are no longer able to do so.

During this Memorial Day weekend, I hope you have fun being with friends and relaxing. But, please don't go around thanking those of us who are serving and still alive. Although we always do really appreciate it, help us to remember those who no longer can. Help us to remember the husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, who chose to put on the uniform and sign a blank check for “up to and including my life” in service to this country…...and never came home. It is because of their sacrifices that we remember this weekend. The holes in some of our hearts that will never be filled because one who was Family is no longer there. Let us remember and never forget.