Some Civil War Reflections

References:

• ·         The Battle of Gettysburg (https://www.history.com/topics/american-civil-war/battle-of-gettysburg)
• ·         Gettysburg (1993) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107007/)
• ·         Ken Burns ‘The Civil War’ (http://www.pbs.org/kenburns/civil-war/)
• ·         Lincoln (2012) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443272/)

Thoughts and reflections…

For those that know me, this will probably not surprise you much.  Fellow INFJs will probably not be surprised, either.  But, as I write this blog entry, I am currently listening to music from the Civil War period.  Yes, I do often really immerse myself into something that greatly interests me.  And, since I am researching things to do on our ‘Learning Vacation’ next year, I am really immersing myself.  And yes, I am very much enjoying it!

Throughout my 40+ years of life, I have worked as a pastor (paid and volunteer roles), been a soldier, worked both law enforcement and corrections, and have visited many different places in Europe and the Middle East.  I have not seen nearly as much as I want to, but I still have seen more than many have.  All of these experiences have deeply enriched my life, even if I did not want some of them.

For example, as a pastor and as Custody Staff at the prison I currently work at, I seek to give people the tools that they need in order to become better people.  Sometimes I am able to engage in very deep and thoughtful conversations.  Other times, I have to spoon-feed people in very basics.  This is true while doing ministry and while working at the prison.  Think that is odd?  I have seen people, while going through very difficult struggles, expose the deep ugliness in their hearts in both places.  As well as see the goodness that they might be trying to hide under their harsh exterior.  This may be surprising to some, even shocking.  Others may be smiling and nodding, having ‘been there and done that…’

I’ve been in the US Army since 2001, working Military Intelligence, Military Police, and several other minor roles.  Having been an Airborne paratrooper with the 82^nd Airborne Division during my first deployment in 2003-04, I have been in harm’s way on numerous occasions.  While serving overseas, I have not been in direct combat, but I have been literately on the edge.  I’ve had rockets explode a block or so from where I was sleeping, I’ve had several vehicle-borne explosives (car bombs) detonate close enough that I very clearly felt the concussion against my whole body, heard the deafening roar of the explosion.  Been ‘on the wall’ at one point of a compound and see tracers about a block away from me go back and forth across the street.  A furious firefight maybe a football field away from my position.

Though I have been blessed with not being actual combat while deployed, I still have lots of experience with dealing with prison violence.  I have been one of the first responders, responding to a fight on many occasions, many of which were fairly bloody.  I have responded to several attempted, and at least one successful suicide attempts.  Many Inmates have come at me in a threatening manner, actively restrained one Inmate attempted to assault another co-worker, had Inmates piss on me, had fecal matter thrown at me…  I’ve had my share of experiences…

And, many of my experiences grossly pale compared to those of others.  I have talked with several people who have seen actual combat.  I have watched numerous movies and documentaries on battles, homicides, etc.  Just like all of my experiences have molded me into the person that I am, I see how the experiences of others have greatly affected them.  Some have learned how to deal with it, some struggle after decades.

To help with my preparations for the ‘Learning Vacation,’ I am watching Ken Burns ‘The Civil War’ (on Netflix) and the movie ‘Gettysburg’ (we own the DVD).  About two weeks ago, we watched the movie ‘Lincoln’ on Netflix.  Each of these films/series have been extremely informative on what the Civil War was all about.  It wasn’t just about State Rights vs. Federal Rights, nor just about Slavery vs. Freedom.  Many people, not just President Lincoln, greatly wrestled with how to do things, whom to trust, what the likely consequences might be, etc.

My son, who is most likely an INFJ like me, absolutely loved watching Lincoln (2012) a few weeks ago.  Since it is not an action movie, but a biography, drama, history movie, I was very impressed with how attentively he watched it.  It is believed by many that President Lincoln was an INFJ, and I believed that they captured that extremely well in the movie.  Not just his quietness and reflective nature, but also how he was able to ‘connect the dots’ more easily than others, be able to evaluate things from different and even opposing perspectives, etc.  Loved it!

Like anyone who has gone through high school and college, I took quite a few classes on the American Civil War.  I though that I had learned a lot.  However, I am realizing just how much I can still learn about that whole experience.  Although slavery and abolitionism have a lot to do with the Civil War, they have their own rich and incredible history.  Are you familiar with William Wilberforce?  If not, I highly recommend looking up that particular English abolitionist.  I have learned some about him and John Newton, former slave trader turned preacher and abolitionist.  Incredible, incredible stories!

After I finish watching this blog entry, I will finish watching Gettysburg with my kids.  After that, I might read some more on Frederick Douglas, or I might try to work on my on-line Army class that I am trying to finish.  I haven’t decided yet.  On top of that, I still have to finish getting ready for work tomorrow.  Lots and lots to do.

I do highly encourage you to read more about Frederick Douglas, William Wilberforce, John Newton, and others like them.  Even if you might not agree with their theological perspectives (I am not sure about Douglas, but Wilberforce and Newton were very devote Christians), there is still a lot that you can learn from their experiences and hardships.

RC

A Disturbing Trend

References:
- Rambo: First Blood (movie currently on Netflix)
- Romans 8:28-39 NAS
- Hebrews 12:1-3 NAS
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NAS

I bet you are wondering why I would use a movie such as “Rambo: First Blood” as a reference for one of my posts. That is a good question. It is, after all, a violent war movie. Although it came out when I was in grade school, I have not watched it until now. Hard to believe, huh? But, I am glad that I did. And, by the time you finish reading this blog entry, I hope you understand why I would use it as a reference.

Tomorrow, on August 10th, there will be a Suicide Awareness 5K Fun Run/Walk. It's to help bring awareness of suicide amongst military veterans. You see, we have a very, very challenging job to do. Just like law enforcement, fire fighting, working in corrections, being a soldier can have a very high physical, emotional and spiritual toll. I took a couple of minutes and Googled suicide amongst veterans. It's almost heartbreaking…

The statistics are pretty varied. According to "The Truth About 22 Veteran Suicides A Day,” by Stacy Bare on June 2, 2015, it is believed that the statistics are only one veteran committing suicide each day. However, another article, “Why suicide rate among veterans may be more than 22 a day,” by Moni Basu, CNN, last edited on 1708 GMT (0108 HKT) November 14, 2013, estimates the statistics to actually be higher. It all depends on where you collect your data, during what time periods, what demographics you use, etc. But one thing we can agree on in general, suicide rates amongst veterans is very high.

I have three deployments to Iraq under my belt. That is more than quite a few people, but a lot less than many others. While I have been near several gunfights and car bombs, I have not actually been in one. The thing is, though, even if you are 200 meters from a car bomb and behind concrete walls, the sound is deafening, you still feel the blast wave, you still wonder “What the hell was that?!” In fact, not only was there a car bomb near where I was at, but several grenades and a lot of automatic fire. It was an attack on a gate not far from where I was at. The terrorist attack upon the Iraqi soldiers was repelled, thankfully. But it was still an attack near where I was.

I have worked with the Nebraska Department of Corrections for over 7 years. I have been a first responder on many occasions to fights, medical emergencies, and attempted suicides. On some occasions I played a support role. On other occasions I was involved with dealing with the situation. There have been times where I have been the team leader for the situation. Each of the situations have left a significant impression on me, and the others who had to respond. Most of the situations were resolved in a good way. But, there were other situations where things did not turn out well.

In my time studying for ministry, being the military, and working in corrections, I have learned many things. One of the things I have learned is that a significant event (like being in an accident, attacked by someone, being attacked by an animal, etc.) affects different people in different ways. For one person, an event may be disturbing, but he or she has no lasting problems. But, someone else can experience years of problems from the exact same situation. Everyone deals with stress differently.

While I was pastoring two United Methodist churches in Nebraska, one individual that I spoke with on several occasions was a former Vietnam Vet. He had felt disconnected from many churches for a variety reason, but his experiences in Vietnam was one. While others had ministered to him in the past, they were not able to connect with him. This was because they could not understand the framework that he had. Although I had not been in combat myself, I still had similar experiences from my deployments. This helped me to connect with him in a positive way.

In the movie, “Rambo: First Blood,” John Rambo is a former Captain and Green Beret. At the beginning of the movie, we see John Rambo trying to reconnect with a former member of his team. Although the widow has to tell him several times, Rambo finally realizes that his friend was dead. We find out later on that he was the last one on his team. Now, John Rambo is the last of this elite team. And, because Sheriff Teasle treats him shamefully, John chooses to be confrontational. Of course, things will not end well because of this.

At one point, about 66 minutes into the movie, we see Colonel (COL) Trautman sitting in a bar. He was John Rambo's former Commander while in Vietnam. Sheriff Teasle sees him, accepts Trautman's invitation to sit with him, and they talk. During this conversation when it is believed that Rambo has been killed, Teasle admits that he had really wanted to kill Rambo himself. Teasle statistically asks COL Trautman, “What would you have done with him if he came in? Would you wrap your arms around him, give him a big sloppy kiss? Or would you have blown his brains out?” Trautman pauses several seconds, then finally says, “I couldn't answer that until I met him face to face.”

Ironically, at the end of the movie, COL Trautman is able to confront Rambo when he is about ready to shoot Sheriff Teasle. Although it isn't immediate, Rambo finally starts listening to COL Trautman. Then something surprising happens. Here is this highly trained warrior suddenly breaking down. Rambo starts talking about his experiences, including one of his team members being killed by an explosion. Except this person wasn't killed immediately. Rambo tries to save him, but his soldier literately dies in his arms. A loved one being mortally injured and dying in your arms, that is really going to affect you. And from the flashbacks you see Rambo having, we know that he had many traumatic events during his service.

When a person is deeply affected by a traumatic event and they develop PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), it can seriously disrupt how a person is able to deal with life. You can read more about PTSD at the VA website and the Mayo Clinic. Not every soldier who deploys develops PTSD. Not every soldier who has PTSD has deployed. Many people in Law Enforcement, are First Responders/EMTs, and every day citizens develop PTSD because of events that they directly experience or witness. Although such events affect each person differently, the effects are felt none-the-less.

Although the events in “Rambo: First Blood” are fictitious, they do reflect what some people go through. COL Trautman was able to reach out to and connect with John Rambo at the end of the movie. But, not until after one man was killed and many others were injured. And then there's the great cost of property damage. The actions of two people at the beginning of the movie, John Rambo and Sheriff Teasle, have devastating consequences. In real life, there are just as much physical and emotional damage. There are many people who have served in the military and experienced traumatic events. When they come home, they not only have to deal with the trauma that they experienced, they have to also deal with the stigma of mental illness, the sigma of seeking help, and the negative perceptions that some people still have towards those who serve.

Being more introverted, I internalize a lot. I have to be very mindful of this and purposefully unwind and decompress. And there have been times where I had to talk with a close friend or a Chaplain to 'take that step back' so that I can better see things for what they really are. When one is under stress, it is very, very easy to develop blinders to all that is going on around you. You can very easily got focused on the thing or situation that is causing stress. When one has problems like PTSD, dealing with such situations become even more difficult.

Life can be extremely challenging at times. There are times where events can seem very overwhelming. At times we have to be like a marathon runner, enduring the difficulties. But, we should not try to deal with extreme situations on our own. I cannot understand everything someone else has gone through because I am not that person. I did not experience what they did the way they did. However, that doesn't mean I cannot listen and share the burden. The Ecclesiastes passage makes clear how important it is to have someone be there and help you. Being more introverted, I recharge best during my alone time. Whether it's through reading, writing, drawing, or just listening to music, I recharge best alone. For those who are more extroverted, they recharge as they interact with others. Neither is better, just different. The thing is, I still am a social person and need to interact with others. There are time where I need to talk with others about things that are bothering me. There are times where I need to use someone else as a sounding board to better 'take a step back' from a situation.