Been a Challenging Few Weeks

These past few months have been very challenging for myself and my family.  Some of them good and some of them not so good.  Some days I have had time to write, but no inspiration or desire to.  Other days, I wanted to write but had to take care of other responsibilities.  Been very frustrating at times.

I have started my new position as Unit Case Worker.  Although I didn’t have a whole of quality ‘on the job training,’ I did get some.  As is often the case, I did a lot of ‘hit the ground running’ kind of training.  But, having been an Acting Case Worker several times before this, I was able to adapt pretty quickly.  For the most part, I have been working either in 3AB or one of the Protective Custody units.  Housing Unit 3 has been pretty smooth for the most part.  Many of the Inmates there have known me for years, so they know what to expect from me.  In fact, many of them seem to prefer me in my new Case Worker role.

The Protective Custody (PC) units that I have worked with have either been pretty good or awful.  Well, one unit in particular houses the ‘more difficult’ Inmates who are PC, and then tend to be the most difficult to deal with.  At least for me.  What’s ironic is that another group that are in a substance abuse program often have similar issues as the other ‘difficult’ PC group.  However, because of the program that they are in and how it can impact their parole, promotion to a lower custody and transfer to another institution, or release, they have a very strong incentive to follow directions.  It is very interesting noting the different dynamics in the different units.

About a week ago I put in my bid for what shift and Housing Unit that I want to work on.  I should find out this week with whether I got my first or second choice.  Considering the fact that both are for the same shift (Afternoon/evening) and same Housing Unit, just different sides, either one is fine with me.

Probably one of my biggest challenges the past few months have been the chronic pain that I deal with on a daily basis.  After 15 years with the Army, three of them with the 82^nd Airborne Division, and during my 4^th deployment, I developed problems with my lower back and both knees.  It turns out that I have arthritis in both knees, though my right usually is worse, and permanent damage to several of the discs in my lower back.  This past winter had been really rough, especially with my knees. 

It hasn’t been all bad.  Our daughter just celebrated a birthday earlier this month and participated in her first dance competition.  Her group did so well that they took all of the top awards for their age group, which was very impressive.  Needless to say, we were all very proud of her for that!

Both kids are doing pretty well in school.  Their third quarter finished recently, and both received a lot of good marks.  And both improved in several catagories since last quarter, which is also awesome.

On the few occasions that weather and my schedule has allowed me, I have been leading an adult Bible Study.  At the beginning of this year, our pastor had our congregation read through the book “All In” by Mark Batterson.  Due to my work load, I was not able to read the book until recently.  And, I have not read too much yet.  However, my wife did read the whole book with the rest of the church.  She thought that it was pretty good, but didn’t really go into the “so what, now what?”  That is, how does one actively apply what has been learned.

So, what I decided to do was ask those that attend the Bible Study to come up with at least one example in the Old Testament and the New Testament that they though really embraced the “all in” that the book talks about.  So, we have talked about Malachi and will be talking about John the Baptist next week.  In the future we will discuss people like Jeremiah, Mary the Mother of Jesus, and several others.  If you are interested, I can put my notes into a blog entry or two in the future.  Just let me know.

Oh, one other significant thing going on in our lives.  I have started the Army Medical Evaluation Board (MEB) for getting medically retired from the Army.  I had hoped that I could get my 20 and earn at least my E7/Sergeant First Class.  But, unfortunately, that is not going to happen.  In fact, I will be attending a retirement brief next month.  I will be retiring with 18+ years in the Army, both Active Duty and with the Nebraska National Guard.  I have had many enjoyable times, and many painful times.  But, I have also learned a lot.  Of all the deployments that I’ve had, probably my third one in 2010 was the most enjoyable and awe-inspiring.  But, that’s a story for another time.

Not a whole lot else is new for us.  Just really busy with all that is going on.  My wife hopes to be teaching within the next few years, so that will be another positive change in our lives.  I will also be going through training with the Nebraska Department of Corrections next week.  With this training, I will not only be assisting with teaching First Aid/CPR (through ASHI), but also facilitating a program geared with helping Inmates change destructive thinking.  At least, that is how I understand it.  More on that another time, too.

Please do not hesitate to let me know what you think of my blog entries.  Or, if you would like me to post my thoughts on a particular topic, let me know.  I have noticed that I do not have a followers.  If you really enjoy what I write, that will be the easiest way to know when I will be posting more.

In Christ,

RC

Finished With It

Well, yesterday was a major milestone for me, so to speak.  I received my E6 (Staff Sergeant) in December of 2012.  In order to ‘keep’ my rank, I had to complete an on-line course and go to a school.  I was able to successfully complete the school in 2013, but it has taken me a long time to complete the on-line course.

For those who have not done an Army on-line course, consider yourself lucky.  I do not feel that many of the on-line courses are put together very well.  Even though I love to learn new things, the way some of the classes were put together, or studying things that ‘Big Army’ thinks is important, was a real struggle.

The only good thing was that the course that I just finished was an actual ‘learn at your own pace’ class.  That made it much, much better than the course I tried to take in 2013.  Now, that course was extremely difficult!

Off hand, I think that the course was called ‘Common Core,’ but I can’t remember for sure.  When I was promoted in 2012, I did so before it became a requirement for me to complete the school and online class prior to being promoted.  So, I was grandfathered in.  The school, which I attend in California, was very educational.  However, the online portion was more than a little difficult for me.  There were two reasons why it was so difficult for me.  One was because it was done like an actual college course with very specific due dates for certain things.  The second reason was because there were at least 5 different NCO (Non-Commissioned Officers) grading the course.  This became a problem with certain projects because different instructors would grade things at different times.  This made for an issue with consistency for me.

I had a very rough start to the online course because the audio would not work.  Even though I called the school that was facilitating the course, they did not have a ‘fix’ for me.  I just had to use the Close Caption (CC) feature.  Even though I was told that it was at the bottom of the screen, I could not find it.  After about a week of this frustration, while working on it at home, I finally realized that part of the screen was behind my taskbar.  So, I tried resizing and moving the screen.  To no success.  I eventually figured out how to move the task bar to the side, which solved that problem.  But, I would soon have more significant issues to deal with.

At this time, I had returned to work at the state prison after about 18 months of being away, trying to pursue a ministry career.  At first my work was pretty regular and I could make time for working on my online class.  However, within a week of actually getting started on the course, we started getting hit with a lot of mandatoried overtime.  And, since I worked 2^nd Shift (1400-2200 or 2 PM to 10 PM) and was mandatoried onto 3^rd (2200-0600 or 10 PM to 6 AM) I almost never got relieved early.  And, we were getting mandatoried 2 to 3 times a week.  Needless to say, I became chronically sleep deprived very soon, and stayed that way for almost a whole month! 

On top of this course and work, my wife and I had an almost 3 year old boy and an infant girl (about a year old).  My wife went out of her way to give me as much time as she could to focus on this online course.  But, she was burning the candle at both ends, and sometimes had to take time for herself or just sleep.  Myself?  I feel that I was burning the candle at both ends, and in the middle!  It was an extremely difficult time for all of us!

Up until about the 3^rd week of the course, the different instructors did not create a major issue.  However, when we had to create a SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) using a very specific Army memo format, this became a very big issue.  By this time, I had about two weeks to finish this SOP and participate in a discussion board (which they also graded).  Because different Instructors would grade my SOP, different things would have to be changed.  I soon had to have a fellow NCO who had already completed the course tutor me with getting the SOP ‘totally correct’ so that I could complete the first section of the course.  Unfortunately, this didn’t help me in the end.

About 10 days before the first mandatory deadline, my wife and I realized that something had to go.  Either my job (because of all the mandatory overtime), our family, or this course.  It was taking too big of a toll on all of us.  So, I wrote a memo citing my extreme situation, providing my Shift Supervisor from work’s contact information to confirm my situation, and requested to be removed from the course prior to the deadline so that it wouldn’t be counted against me.  (It was a ‘fail three times and you are permanently done’ situation.)  My Chain of Command received and forwarded the memo to the schoolhouse within about two days.  Then the school just sat on it.  I was then removed from the course, ‘failure.’  Needless to say, my wife and I were extremely irate about this!  I had not failed a military school, nor had I failed a course since my second year in seminary.  And that class was a Biblical Greek language course.

For several years, I wasn’t interested in taking an online course because of this very painful experience.  Eventually, in 2015 while deployed to Qatar, I requested to be enrolled in the Structured Self-Directed (SSD) 2 course.  I started the process in the late summer or early fall, where I would have a lot more time to focus on this course.  However, it wasn’t until within a month of me returning to the States that I was finally enrolled in the course. 

I returned from deployment to doing four 12 hour shifts, that made it harder for me to do the course, especially since I strive to put God and family first.  This made finding time to focus on the course very challenging.  On top of that, the course presentation was less than appealing. After years of taking many different Army online courses, I find the way they often present course to be irritating. (Think:  Extreme death by PowerPoint!)  I find it easier to learn by muting it and read what they say while listening to classical music.  Unfortunately for me with this course, it would ‘unmute’ almost every time it advanced to the next screen/slide.  I finally just muted my computer every time I did my online course and listened to classical music on my iPod. 

Well, after almost three years, I finally completed it.  Did I learn a lot?  Yes.  Were there things that I think were unnecessary?  Definitely!  If I were to set up a course, there are several ‘lessons’ that I could combine to help make things shorter.  There are other things that, though nice to know, I don’t think it was absolutely necessary to be included.  I honestly think it was way too long.  Now, if I was Active Duty or in a full-time status, it might have been easier to deal with.  But, as a part-time Guardsman with a full-time job (with occasional to frequent mandatory overtime) and a family to take care of, it was overly long.  But, I am finished and it is, finally, behind me.  I can now focus on other things like preparing for next years learning vacation, preparing for the upcoming Bible Study on the Purpose Driven Church, finish going through many boxes of things that we have, etc.  And, I am now able to just sit down and read without worrying about that course.  That, in itself, is a major blessing!

RC

It's a Pain

Scripture References:
• James 1:1-6 NAS
• Matthew 6:25-34 NAS

Thoughts…
As of late, I have been dealing with two significant ‘challengers’ in my life. One being the place that I work at. It is not where I want to work, but as of right now, it is where God is insisting that I stay. The other is chronic lower back pain. And, right now, dealing with both has been fairly difficult. Because of this, these two verses are difficult for me to swallow.

For those who know me in real life, or have been following me for a while, you know that I work at a maximum-security state prison here in Nebraska. I started at this particular prison in January of 2006, left my job in corrections in 2011 to pursue a dream career as a pastor, and when that fell through in 2012, returned to the same prison in 2013. So, I am going on over 10.5 years working as custody staff at this prison.

Although I do my job well, it is not a job that I enjoy doing. Being a strong introvert and an empath, my job is extremely draining physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Due to severe staffing problems, we are working 12-hour shifts, four days a week. Even with a lot of help coming in from another prison, we can barely staff all of the required posts. If that weren’t a problem, it is now going to get more difficult.

Evidently, there are a few people who work at my prison that really, really want to return to 8-hr shifts. So, our union, Nebraska Association of Public Local 61 (NAPE) took the Nebraska Department of Correctional Services and essentially forced us to return to 8-hr shifts. The official date of this return will be the 25th of this month. But, as I said, we do not have the staffing for 12-hr shifts, let alone 3x 8-hr shifts!

Several years ago, in June and July of 2013, we started getting hit with being mandatoried 2-3 times a week. And, since I worked 1400-2200 (2 PM to 10 PM), I would usually get stuck with having to do a whole 16-hour day. And, this lasted at least 6 very, long, weeks! This time around, I fear that it will be even worse with overtime. Back in 2013, our institution had more than 70% seasoned staff (5 years or more of experience). We all knew that it was just a ‘swing of the pendulum, and we lost only a handful of people. This time around, with maybe 20-30% seasoned staff, I am very worried about how many people we may potentially loose.

And, of course, the Inmates are going to see all of us being highly stressed, sleep deprived, low moral, etc. Based on my experience and my intuition, I am expecting things to get really, really bad in the next few months. I know that my intuition is not always right, and I really hope that I am way off this time. I really, really hope that I am wrong about this.

Now, on top of that, I deal with chronic lower back pain. This past May, I celebrated 17 years in the US Army. I started off Active Duty in 2001, but then switched to the Nebraska National Guard in the spring of 2005. Although I sprained both of my ankles numerous times, got a concussion during my first training jump at Airborne school in 2002, and twisted my right knee at least once, things seemed to be going well for me health-wise. But, after my third deployment to Iraq in 2010, I was diagnosed with asthma. Since it was well controlled by medication and I could still run, I didn’t think much of it. Then, fast-forward to 2015, during fourth (and last) deployment. This time, however, I was deployed to Qatar. During this deployment, I started having severe lower back pain. In fact, the first time that I went to sick-call and was on quarters (had to say in my ‘room’), I reached a ‘new 10’ on the pain scale. Keep in my, I have had severe pneumonia, a bad concussion, and a broken arm in my lifetime.

So now, I have to take strong pain medication on a regular basis, and get injections into my lower back, just so that I can function most days. Don’t get me wrong… I am very thankful that things are not so bad that I have had to have surgery. I definitely do not want to have that! However, there are times where I have a lot of difficulty doing everyday things because of the pain; let alone, do my job at work. It has been almost 3 whole years since my chronic lower back pain started.

Scripture can be a very difficult pill to swallow, especially when you are going through very difficult time. ‘Keep it all joy…’ James writes. Rejoice with chronic back pain? Rejoice about a job that you dislike most days, hate on a regular basis, and leaves you so drained emotionally, spiritually, and physically that you can’t do things with your family half the time?! Yeah… That’s a very bitter pill for me to take, on a daily basis. Needless to say, many of my prayers have been very blunt and with very harsh language.

But, there is one thing that does help me deal with all of this, some times. And, that’s reading about the persecuted church in many of the other nations throughout the world (The Open Doors USA is a very good place to start). From the few stories that I have read over the years, my hardest days are often easy compared to some of the things that other fellow Christians have to endure. I guess it’s a matter of perspective… I don’t know… And, it is sometimes very difficult to deal with.

Extremely Busy Times

The other day I looked at when my last Blog Entry was and I was a bit shocked. I knew that I had not made an entry for a while, but I hadn't realized that it's been almost three whole months!

Things have been extremely hectic for me lately. The biggest thing is that the prison that I work at is so understaffed right now that we are getting hit for mandatory overtime at least once, if not twice, per week. That’s on top of working our 4x 12 hour shifts. That has been making things extremely difficult for all of us there.

On top of this job, I have a wife and two kids, I usually do a weekly Adult Bible Study, and I am the Adjutant (Secretary) for our local VFW. That’s a lot going on, huh? For some of you out there, that is the norm for you. For others, doing this much work might be a totally foreign concept. I tell you what, it is very difficult to balance all of this.

In fact, that’s the biggest thing. It has been an on-going challenge to get an appropriate balance between work, being there for my family, taking care of things around the house, look for a new job that better utilizes my skills and interests (and is a lot less stressful and dangerous), do my daily devotions, attend church, do a good preparation for my weekly Bible Study, etc. It seems like I have to ‘rob Peter to pay either Paul or Mary.’ And, that is not really including taking time just for myself.

Asides from daily devotions, I admit that I have often shortchanged myself with good, quality self-care time. Whether it’s reading a good book, doing some creative writing (for this blog, for example), watching a favorite TV show, etc., my self-care often goes onto the chopping blog first. Or, when I do take time to rest, relax, and recharge, I feel guilty because I am not addressing any of the other priorities in my life. I honestly feel like I have been burning the candles at both end, and in the middle. Getting very little sleep during my work days because of the insane hours that I have to work, doesn’t help either.

From time-to-time, I have checked the stats for my blog and have often been surprised to see that people have visited it on occasion. This has been encouraging since that means people enjoy what I write and check back once-in-a-while. It is also sometimes a source of frustration. I see that people are coming back, hoping to see more, and are probably disappointed; and, I feel guilty for not adjusting my time more so that I could write more entries.

I am hoping that things will get better soon. Although we are getting new staff, things are still really difficult. However, I still have to deal with all that I have. Since my Bible Study won’t meet again until next year, that will help a little with time.

Each of us have to wrestle with priorities. My wife knows very well how frustrated I often feel with all my current obligations. The Bible Study and helping with VFW are a much needed source of self-expression that I need, something that I thoroughly love doing. So is this blog. It is my hope that things will improve such that I can do more blogging. Not just because it is a creative release for me, but because many of you out there really enjoy reading it. May God help each of us with our priorities.

Decisions in Life

Not that long ago, my wife pulled out a box of books that I had growing up. In the box was 20 plus books and numerous Ranger Rick magazines. My kids love being read to and my oldest is starting to read on his own. It is awesome to see.

The books that were in the box are the "Choose Your Own Adventure" series. In a nut shells, they are books with multiple endings and you had to make decisions throughout the book. It was a series that my 4th Grade teacher intodced me to. Although I had always loved to read, this book series helped me to read even more on my own. Having always been a high sensing introvert, this book fed my imagination and helped me to stop and think. And, yes,I would sometimes read through all of the endings, then try to figure out how to get to them.

Later this year, I will be celebrating 10 years with working for the State of Nebraska. And, all of those years have been with the Department of Corrections. At the end of this month, I will celebrate 16 years with the US Army (Active Duty and the Nebraska National Guard). It has not been an easy 16 years, but I have had a lot of good times. There has been pain and sorrow during those times, but also times of joy and celebration. Those jobs, my two marriages, my four deployments, helping my wife raise our two kids, etc., have all contributed to who I am today.

What I loved about those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books was that the stories would change, depending on what choices I made. If I didn't like how the story ended, I could start over. Or, I could find the endings that I liked and then try to figure out how to get there. But, those books were not like real life. If I did not like the consequences of my actions, I could not 'go back to the begining of the story' and start over. I had to choose to accept the consequences of my decisions.

This is something that I am trying to help my young kids learn. That each choice that we make will have consequences. Some will be more pleasant than others. Others will be more painful. Many of our choices will cause many regrets. But, that is life.

In my (almost) 10 years in Corrections, I have met many people, both staff and inmates, who made bad decisions, but did not want to accept the consequences. Even though their decisions brought temporary joy, pleasure, benefits, etc., the long term consequences were extremely painful. And, these people did not want to have to endure their consequences. It would sadden me, especially when it was staff who had made the bad decisions. But, it would aggravate me to no end to see adults wine about the painful consequences that they had made.

It is some that I really try to instill into my kids. That with what ever decision we make, we accept the consequences of that decision. Whether it is something minor, like staying up late to watch a good movie or have dessert with a meal. Or, something more significant like walking away from a fight, choosing to drive without using a seatbelt, choosing a college major, etc. Big or small, good or bad, each of these decisions will cause consequences. Many will be clear, many will not be clear. Sometimes we or others will experiece unexpected consequences of our choices. Sadder still, we many unfortunately experience the unforeseen consequences of the actions of others. Or yet, even the "un-actions" of others. That is, when people either choose to to act in a situation out of fear or embarrassment, or because they do not want to help because of anger towards someone or out of selfishness.

Probably the last set of situations, the unfortunate cpnsequences due to others' inaction, are the most difficult to accept. We want to have control over our lives and we want to have good experiences/consequences. It is difficult enough to endure the negative cpnsequences of our choices. It is even more difficult when spmeone else makes a bad choice and you experience severe consequences. But, it is something that he or she will have to accept.

Unlike the books or movies, or video games for that matter, we cannot go about and change things once thay have happened. That is not real life. Though they can be good in teaching us how to make good decisions in the future, we can delude ourselves into thinking that we can avoid the negative consequences of our own bad decisions, or the bad decisions of others. It is a trap that is very easy to fall into, and one we always need to be mindful of.

Some Thoughts on 1 Thessalonians

In the adult Bible Study that I lead, we have been looking at the shorter Letters from Paul and other Apostles. So far, we have finished Titus and 1 Thessalonians. It's been slow going with some classes having been canceled due to weather or holidays. Nice that we do not have to worry about specific time constraints.

One of the things that I have noticed in my preparation for the Bible Studies is that there is a lot one can learn from each of these 'Minor Letters.' Just like the Minor Prophets that I did a series of studies on while in Qatar last year, though they may be short, they are still very rich in theology. The Bible Studies that I have led have been fairly in depth. But, of course, we do not cover all that we could have.

Paul probably write 1 Thessalonians in approximately 51 AD, while in the city of Corinth (Life Application Study Bible, NASB. Zondervan Publishing House. Grand Rapids, MI, 2000. p. 2110-12.) From what I read in the Book of Acts, 1 Thessalonians, and several different commentaries, after Paul, Timothy and Silas had been forced out of Thessalonica (see acts 17:1-9), they eventually arrived in the city of Corinth. Due the circumstances with which they had been forced out of Thessalonica, Paul and his companions were very concerned with how the churches in Thessalonica were doing. Eventually, Paul sent Timothy back to Thessalonica to see how they were doing. After a while, Timothy returned form this trip with news as to how well the house churches in Thessalonica were doing, as well as a number of questions that they had. Paul wrote 1 and 2 Thessalonians in order to encourage them and answer a number of these questions.

There are four main themes in 1 Thessalonians. They are persecution, Paul's ministry, hope, and being prepared (for Christ's Second Coming). According to the notes in my Life Application Study Bible, 1 Thessalonians can be divided into two main parts. The first one, 1 Thess. 1:1-3:13 is about faithfulness to God. The second part, 1 Thess. 4:1-5:28 is about 'Watchfullness for the Lord.' That is, maintaining an attitude of being ready for Christ's imminent return.

For those who have studies Scripture and have read about the Early Church, persecution was something Paul and the Apostles experienced on a regular basis. It would range anywhere from verbal harassment, to physical attacks, to imprisonment, even death. Quite frankly, Christians all over the work are experiencing persecution, just like the Early Church. For those of us in America, it will often be in the form or verbal harassment from family, friends, co-workers, etc., when we take a stand against sexual immorality, sanctity of life, the right to worship, etc. In other countries, persecution takes many darker, more evil forms. You can read more about the Persecuted Church at Open Doors.

To me, one of the key words in the first section of 1 Thessalonians 1:4, "...beloved by God, His choice of you." The Greek word used here (translated as '...His choice') is εκλογε (ek-log-ay'). It is where we get the theological word 'election.' It is defined as:

 1. the act of picking out, choosing
• of the act of God's free will by which before the foundation of the world he decreed his blessings to certain persons
• the decree made from choice by which he determined to bless certain persons through Christ by grace alone
 2. a thing or person chosen
• of persons: God's elect
(taken from here.)

"Why is this so important?" you might be asking. To me, much. The idea that God has chosen us to serve Him and be His representatives on Earth is incredible and awe inspiring! Think about it, the God of all Creation, Who is not limited by time as space (things that He created) was to have a personal relationship with each of us. We are that important to Him. God, being holy, righteous, loving and forgiving, brings people to Himself through other believers. While facing harsh persecution, including being cut off from friends family, loss of work and income, even imprisonment and death, such encouragement can help a person endure the trials and tribulations.

And that is something that Paul really emphasizes. As Followers of Christ, we are to expect to experience persecution. Though it may not be as horrific as what some people in the Middle East experience, those of us in the 'Free World' will still experience it. Sometimes it will only be in the form of people making fun of us for our faith, or looking down on us for our 'old fashioned moral beliefs.' For me, passages like this and Romans 8:28-39 are of sweet encouragement. No matter what kind of problems I face, God will see me through. He called me for a personal relationship with Him for a reason, my life has purpose, there are things God wants to do through me, lives He wants to touch through my life, and He will see things through to the end.

Is that not wonderful news? It is to me.

Wonderfully Made

References:
- Psalm 139:7-18 NAS
- Jeremiah 1:1-10 NAS
- Romans 12:3-13 NAS
- Jung Typology Test
- 16 Personalities

After some thinking and praying, I believe that God is calling me to change things just a little bit with my blog. There will be a continued emphasis on seeking to better understand who God is and how He calls us to reach out to those who are lost, hurting, etc. I will also be adding some original poetry and short essays (for me, a 2-4 page essay is short) reflecting on how I perceive life. That way this blog will be a better reflection of who I am, and be an encouragement to others.

For most of you out there, while in school or while at work, you have most likely heard about personalities tests. Some are more for fun, like which movie character you are most like, or what kind of animal you might be, what kind of car matches your personality, etc. Others are more series, like the ones I listed above. There are many personality tests out there, each measuring different things. Their goal is to help a person better understand what kind of personality they have. This is because one's personality influences how a person interprets and interacts with the world around them.

For example, an introvert is more inwardly focused on his/her thoughts. They can be very creative thinkers, making connections and coming up with ideas that others might miss. They are less social than extroverts and prefer to be alone in their thoughts, a good book, etc. In fact, an introvert needs a lot of time alone to recharge themselves emotionally and spiritually so that they can effectively engage the world around them. Whereas extroverts tend to get most of their recharging interacting with others. Neither is better than the other and both are needed.

Some people are more sensing (external stimuli) while others rely more on intuition. Some are either more thinking (logic) or feeling (how they feel they should react). One place to find more in depth information is here. Just as with the Gifts of the Spirit, I believe that God gives each of us different personalities so as to help us all engage the world more effectively. Because each of us perceives the world differently, and engages the world differently, each of us can contribute more to solving things.

Although I didn't know exactly what my personality type was until I was in seminary, I always knew that I was a bit different. Unlike some of my friends, I did very well in academics and was able to come up with some creative ideas. Unlike many friends who craved being around others, I was almost always content with being by myself. Instead of having a large circle of friends, I have always had a few by very close friends. My very vivid imagination was something else that not many friends shared or understood. In fact, I was often considered 'weird' (putting it politely) because of these traits.

While in seminary, I had to take a personality test as part of the ordination process. It was one of many tests that I had to take. The personality test was to help me better understand who I was. It was also to help those guiding me through the ordination process better understand where I would 'best fit.' I was an INFJ (introvert, intuition, feeling, judging). I kind of knew what this meant, but there was a lot that I didn't. One of the things that I didn't understand was that this is the rarest personality type. I also have learned that it is one of the least understood by a large portion of the personality.

As a whole, we have a 'caregiver' personality. We are good at perceiving how others feel and can often perceive how genuine a person is. We love doing creative things like writing, art, listening to music, etc. We want to help others achieve their goals and/or deal with their problems. One of the things that really sets us apart is the fact that we have very strong inner sense of what is right and what is wrong. We are typically not a confrontational type, but challenging something like our intentions or moral value is something that can set us off.

I don't know how many times I have been brushed to the side because I do not socialize like many others do, or because I often spend time in deep thought. There have been times where others have questioned my intelligence because I could not remember certain specific details about an event. Since I perceive things more through impressions, I remember the details of how I felt and what I noticed of others. Not their clothes, names, etc., but how they were acting, whether they were in a good mood, etc. Although I have grown used to this, it is still not pleasant to experience.

I recently came across a really helpful site called Introvert, Dear. It is full of resources for those of us who are introverts. And, it also has sub categories for different aspects of life and for different personality types. I also recently joined a Facebook group called INFJ Refuge. With these resources, I hope to gain an even better understanding of how I interpret and interact with the world. I also hope to help others learn to be all that they can be as an INFJ.

This is also why I am adding such reflections into my blog. Although we are a very small part of the population, there are many with this personality scattered out there in the world. It is my hope and prayer that some of my reflections of faith and on my personality can be helpful to them. I also hope to help others better understand how some of us interpret the world around us. God created each of us differently for a reason. He wants each of us to contribute in unique ways to the world around us. Sometimes, it can be hard to understand how others can contribute. It is a continuous journey that we all take. Let us strive to encourage one another to do so with committed love.