It's a Pain

Scripture References:
• James 1:1-6 NAS
• Matthew 6:25-34 NAS

Thoughts…
As of late, I have been dealing with two significant ‘challengers’ in my life. One being the place that I work at. It is not where I want to work, but as of right now, it is where God is insisting that I stay. The other is chronic lower back pain. And, right now, dealing with both has been fairly difficult. Because of this, these two verses are difficult for me to swallow.

For those who know me in real life, or have been following me for a while, you know that I work at a maximum-security state prison here in Nebraska. I started at this particular prison in January of 2006, left my job in corrections in 2011 to pursue a dream career as a pastor, and when that fell through in 2012, returned to the same prison in 2013. So, I am going on over 10.5 years working as custody staff at this prison.

Although I do my job well, it is not a job that I enjoy doing. Being a strong introvert and an empath, my job is extremely draining physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Due to severe staffing problems, we are working 12-hour shifts, four days a week. Even with a lot of help coming in from another prison, we can barely staff all of the required posts. If that weren’t a problem, it is now going to get more difficult.

Evidently, there are a few people who work at my prison that really, really want to return to 8-hr shifts. So, our union, Nebraska Association of Public Local 61 (NAPE) took the Nebraska Department of Correctional Services and essentially forced us to return to 8-hr shifts. The official date of this return will be the 25th of this month. But, as I said, we do not have the staffing for 12-hr shifts, let alone 3x 8-hr shifts!

Several years ago, in June and July of 2013, we started getting hit with being mandatoried 2-3 times a week. And, since I worked 1400-2200 (2 PM to 10 PM), I would usually get stuck with having to do a whole 16-hour day. And, this lasted at least 6 very, long, weeks! This time around, I fear that it will be even worse with overtime. Back in 2013, our institution had more than 70% seasoned staff (5 years or more of experience). We all knew that it was just a ‘swing of the pendulum, and we lost only a handful of people. This time around, with maybe 20-30% seasoned staff, I am very worried about how many people we may potentially loose.

And, of course, the Inmates are going to see all of us being highly stressed, sleep deprived, low moral, etc. Based on my experience and my intuition, I am expecting things to get really, really bad in the next few months. I know that my intuition is not always right, and I really hope that I am way off this time. I really, really hope that I am wrong about this.

Now, on top of that, I deal with chronic lower back pain. This past May, I celebrated 17 years in the US Army. I started off Active Duty in 2001, but then switched to the Nebraska National Guard in the spring of 2005. Although I sprained both of my ankles numerous times, got a concussion during my first training jump at Airborne school in 2002, and twisted my right knee at least once, things seemed to be going well for me health-wise. But, after my third deployment to Iraq in 2010, I was diagnosed with asthma. Since it was well controlled by medication and I could still run, I didn’t think much of it. Then, fast-forward to 2015, during fourth (and last) deployment. This time, however, I was deployed to Qatar. During this deployment, I started having severe lower back pain. In fact, the first time that I went to sick-call and was on quarters (had to say in my ‘room’), I reached a ‘new 10’ on the pain scale. Keep in my, I have had severe pneumonia, a bad concussion, and a broken arm in my lifetime.

So now, I have to take strong pain medication on a regular basis, and get injections into my lower back, just so that I can function most days. Don’t get me wrong… I am very thankful that things are not so bad that I have had to have surgery. I definitely do not want to have that! However, there are times where I have a lot of difficulty doing everyday things because of the pain; let alone, do my job at work. It has been almost 3 whole years since my chronic lower back pain started.

Scripture can be a very difficult pill to swallow, especially when you are going through very difficult time. ‘Keep it all joy…’ James writes. Rejoice with chronic back pain? Rejoice about a job that you dislike most days, hate on a regular basis, and leaves you so drained emotionally, spiritually, and physically that you can’t do things with your family half the time?! Yeah… That’s a very bitter pill for me to take, on a daily basis. Needless to say, many of my prayers have been very blunt and with very harsh language.

But, there is one thing that does help me deal with all of this, some times. And, that’s reading about the persecuted church in many of the other nations throughout the world (The Open Doors USA is a very good place to start). From the few stories that I have read over the years, my hardest days are often easy compared to some of the things that other fellow Christians have to endure. I guess it’s a matter of perspective… I don’t know… And, it is sometimes very difficult to deal with.