A New Change in Work

This past Wednesday, I received some awesome news!  While working my usual post, Housing Unit 2CD Control, one of the Unit Managers came into my ‘office.’  He proceeded to inform me that I had been recommended for promotion to Case Worker, if I still wanted the job.  Needless to say, I said, “Yes, I definitely am!”

At this point, I probably need to clarify some things.  For the last 11+ years, I have worked for the Nebraska Department of Correctional Services (NDCS) at the same institution.  And, for this entire time, I have been working as Custody Staff.  (Some people would call us, in a derogatory manner, ‘cage kickers.’  This is far from the truth!)  Although part of my role is to role model appropriate behavior and responses to stress, my primary role is enforcing rules.  Well, in a prison, all staff have an obligation to enforce rules.  However, as Custody Staff, that is approximately 80% of my job.  While I do have occasional opportunities to mentor Inmates, teach staff CPR/First Aid, mentor new staff, etc., that is a much lesser role than enforcing the rules.

Over the years, I have always felt out of place with this role.  As an INFJ, I am not using my natural gifts and personality very much.  In fact, functioning in this role often leaves me extremely drained emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  This is often compounded significantly due to the stress of working in an extremely dangerous environment (the Inmates at my institution are Medium or Maximum Security, many of whom have a violent to very violent background).  Unfortunately, this less very little emotional and physical energy to take care of my family, take care of things around the house, etc.

The amount of draining does depends greatly upon the place that I am working.  If I am in the Clinic, Skilled Nursing Facility, or working in the Gatehouse, I usually am not as adversely affected.  However, if I am working in a Housing Unit Control Center (most days), working on a gallery in the Special Management Unit (SMU), working in the Kitchen, etc., this is usually the case.

Since last October, I have had the opportunity to work as acting Case Worker.  Although I have had a few rough days in the role, my work has not affected me nearly as bad has working as Custody Staff.  Just like when I have worked as acting Religious Coordinator, I always felt like I had accomplished a lot and greatly impacted other peoples’ lives in a positive manner.  This was even after a long, rough day.  Whether as an acting Religious Coordinator or as an acting Case Worker, I seemed to draw upon my natural gifts and talents, as well as my Spiritual Gifts and ministry training.  So much so that I might be tired when I get home, but not ‘absolutely wiped out!’

Something else that I have noticed is that that Inmates seem to have adjusted to me working as an acting Case Worker very positively.  Most have not had a problem at all.  I am sure that a lot of it has to do with the positive rapport that I have with many of them.  And, having been there for so long, most of the Inmates know what to expect from me. 

Needless to say, I was extremely excited and shared this news with several co-workers.  One co-worker, who is a Case Worker that I have worked with, made an interesting comment.  She said, “I would wish you luck, but I know you don’t need it.”  Yes, that definitely did get my attention.  When I was leaving work, I texted my wife, “I got it, praise God!”  Yes, she immediately knew what I meant, and was overjoyed!

So, I will start my new position early next month.  Not only will I still be on first shift (which is what I am working now), I will (finally) have Saturdays and Sundays off!  Which means my family and I will finally be able to do things, as a family, on the weekend.  And, I will be able to attend church on a regular basis.  Yes, I am very, very excited about this!

My eventual goal is to become a Case Manager.  Case Managers do a lot more with an Inmate’s programming, work positions, room assignments, etc.  But, actual Case Worker experience will be extremely helpful in preparing me for becoming one.  We shall see what happens.  It’s all in God’s hands.

In Christ,

RC

An Update

I know that I have not posted anything on my blog for quite a while. In fact, it has been a month since my last entry. For those who do really enjoy reading my posts, I do apologize for not sharing anything until now. I have been extremely busy these last few months.

For over a year now, I have been working on an on-line course for the Army. It is a self-directed course that I have to do to keep my E6. I have been working on it, during my free time, for over a year, and still working on it. There is a lot to it, unfortunately….

Along with that course, I am also doing an ADSO (Additional Duty Safety Officer) course. It is the ‘course that never ends!’ (Think: “This is the Song that Never Ends!”). Although I have spent several weeks of time (spread out over several months), I am only in ‘the 5th section’ of at least 6. Unfortunately, because it is several ‘lessons’ within the same ‘section,’ the course does not show exactly how much I have done, or how much more I have to do. And, each ‘lesson’ has at least 6 sub-lessons. Each of these sub-lessons take several hours to do. Very, very time consuming!

On top of those two courses, I have my weekly Bible Study, take care of and do things with my family, and all of that upon my regular work at the prison. It has been extremely draining for me trying to stay on top of all of this, as I am sure that you can guess. In fact, it has been so difficult for me to juggle all of this, I took a month-long break from doing my Bible Study so that I might be able to focus better on the on-line courses. It has worked somewhat, but I still haven’t finished them.

Unfortunately, I have also been fighting more and more with my lower back pain and the arthritis in my knees. This has made working very difficult at times. And, all of this adds to my stress.

Although I am very good at my job with State Corrections, it is not a job that I get a lot out of most days. For those who don’t know, working in corrections can be very stressful and very draining. This is especially so in a maximin security institution, like what I work in. Not only do I have to be very cognizant of all that is happening around me, but also around my co-workers. On top of that, I have to deal with very manipulative people (not all Inmates are manipulative, but many are). And, doing that for 12 hours a day….

I know that many of you out there face more difficulties on a daily basis than I do. Just as many of you would have a very difficult time fathoming all that I deal with. Each of us have our own unique set of experiences and perspectives. Each of us have our own cultural backgrounds that can either help or hinder how one deals with things. It’s things like that which make each of us unique. Although, these backgrounds can either make it easier or more difficult to relate with others.

Going forward, I really do not know how much time I will have for doing posts. It has been extremely challenging for me to get things done. Then again… Writing and doing art are two of my favorite ways to relax, introvert, and recharge. Reading would be a close second to these two. So, maybe I will try harder to write one or two posts per week. Maybe…

Now, if there are things that you are interested in discussing, please let me know. Did you have problems understanding something that I did a post on? If so, please ask me. Or, if one of my posts has touched your life in a meaningful way, I would love to know that, too. Even though this blog is primarily a creative outlet for me, I would also really like to better get to know my audience, too.

Extremely Busy Times

The other day I looked at when my last Blog Entry was and I was a bit shocked. I knew that I had not made an entry for a while, but I hadn't realized that it's been almost three whole months!

Things have been extremely hectic for me lately. The biggest thing is that the prison that I work at is so understaffed right now that we are getting hit for mandatory overtime at least once, if not twice, per week. That’s on top of working our 4x 12 hour shifts. That has been making things extremely difficult for all of us there.

On top of this job, I have a wife and two kids, I usually do a weekly Adult Bible Study, and I am the Adjutant (Secretary) for our local VFW. That’s a lot going on, huh? For some of you out there, that is the norm for you. For others, doing this much work might be a totally foreign concept. I tell you what, it is very difficult to balance all of this.

In fact, that’s the biggest thing. It has been an on-going challenge to get an appropriate balance between work, being there for my family, taking care of things around the house, look for a new job that better utilizes my skills and interests (and is a lot less stressful and dangerous), do my daily devotions, attend church, do a good preparation for my weekly Bible Study, etc. It seems like I have to ‘rob Peter to pay either Paul or Mary.’ And, that is not really including taking time just for myself.

Asides from daily devotions, I admit that I have often shortchanged myself with good, quality self-care time. Whether it’s reading a good book, doing some creative writing (for this blog, for example), watching a favorite TV show, etc., my self-care often goes onto the chopping blog first. Or, when I do take time to rest, relax, and recharge, I feel guilty because I am not addressing any of the other priorities in my life. I honestly feel like I have been burning the candles at both end, and in the middle. Getting very little sleep during my work days because of the insane hours that I have to work, doesn’t help either.

From time-to-time, I have checked the stats for my blog and have often been surprised to see that people have visited it on occasion. This has been encouraging since that means people enjoy what I write and check back once-in-a-while. It is also sometimes a source of frustration. I see that people are coming back, hoping to see more, and are probably disappointed; and, I feel guilty for not adjusting my time more so that I could write more entries.

I am hoping that things will get better soon. Although we are getting new staff, things are still really difficult. However, I still have to deal with all that I have. Since my Bible Study won’t meet again until next year, that will help a little with time.

Each of us have to wrestle with priorities. My wife knows very well how frustrated I often feel with all my current obligations. The Bible Study and helping with VFW are a much needed source of self-expression that I need, something that I thoroughly love doing. So is this blog. It is my hope that things will improve such that I can do more blogging. Not just because it is a creative release for me, but because many of you out there really enjoy reading it. May God help each of us with our priorities.

Focusing on Other Things

I know that I have not written much at all these last two months. My family has had a number things come up that have required our attention. Between these issues, getting a new puppy a few weeks ago, my on going work at the prison (working 4 12 hour shifts in a row), etc., I have not had much free time. In fact, today is really the first day in quite a while where I feel like I can just sit back and relax.

I know thatsome people struggle with priorities on a very regular basis. The more things that you have to deal with,the more stressed a person can feel. Especially when conflicts arise on what needs to be more importnt. Some people thrive on that kind of challenge. Other people tear themselves apart from the emotional, physical and spiritual stress. How many people do you know who have made themselves emotionally, even physically ill, from the real (or imagined) stress in their lives?

I know that I have been stressed out at times these past several weeks. Though I have set aside a number of articlesto blog on, I have had little time or interest in doing so. And this is coming from someone who loves to write. This is part of the reason why I am purposely relaxing today. I know that my body needs the break. I am sure many of you can relax.

I know that a big part of life is learning how to balance responsibilities and choosing healthy outlets for stress. It can be very difficult to find that healthy balance, let alone maintain it. And, unfortunately, our jobs, the schools that one's children attend, church (or other religious worship communities), local communities, etc., all vie for our attention. It is a never ending cycle of getting some sense of balance, then something comes in and steals that precious balance. Your are then forced, all over again, to find that balance.

In my own life, I have found that taking time to just relax and read, spend time in prayer and Bible study, listeningto music that I enjoy, and breaking projects down into more manageable pieces, and purposely being with others (not near them, but actually ingaging them in meaningful conversations) all help in my life.

There are several things that are not on my plate anymore, but I still have a lot going on. Since I do this blog more as an outlet and not as a source of income, other things have to take priority. But, I hope to be a little more regular and consistant in my blogging. Though that seems possible now, in a few days or weeks, the opposite could be true.

Not only is this a mental and spiritual outlet for me, but I have noticed that I have a bit of a following. According to the stastics that Blogspot keeps, I have people from all over the world visit my blog. How many of them are regulars, I do not know. But, China, Germany, Russia, TThe Netherlands, and (of course) the US are regular cou tries from where people visit. I know that there is always a spike when I post on Facebook about a new entry. That is to be expected. But, even during times when I do am not inspired to write, or just too busy, I still get visits. It fascinates me, and encourages me. It is my hope and prayer that not only do people enjoy reading what I write, but find it encouraging and helpful.

Just so you know, I am writing this entry on my tablet. So, if there are any obsurd spelling or grammer mistakes, I do apologize. I have been able to correct several mistakes that I have caught, but I am sure that I have missed many.Perhaps some of these errors will give you the chuckle that you might have needed.

Suicide: A Serious Look

References (Military):
• Five Myths About Military Suicides
• Suicide in the Military
• The Truth About 22 Veteran Suicides A Day
References (Corrections):
• Suicide Among Corrections Officers: It’s Time for an Open Discussion
• Beating The Odds
• Prison Officers Need Help, But They Won’t Ask For It
• Correctional Suicides: Doing Time Takes its Toll
Suicide Prevention
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• Military One Source
• Suicide Prevention Program from Indian Health Service
• CDC Feature on Preventing Suicide
• Veterans Affairs Crisis Line/Resources

Honestly, this is a blog entry that I have been thinking about for almost 1 ½ years now. It is a topic that I am very concerned about, especially from a Military and Corrections standpoint. But, not exclusively. Let me start out by telling you a personal story…

Back in the mid ‘80s, my parents and I were living in Crestwood, KY. It was probably my senior year, sometime in the month of December. Though I don’t remember the exact date, I remember very clearly what I was doing. I was sitting in our living room and watching one of my favorite Christmas movies, “A Christmas Carol.” The version that I was watching was a black-and-white film, probably from the 1950’s. Like usual, I was totally engrossed with it. Then, the phone rang…
I got up and the woman on the line introduced herself as one of the members of our church, Pewee Valley Presbyterian Church. The reason for the call was to inform me that our pastor had committed suicide. I remember just standing there, numb, while I finished talking with the lady from our church. The pastor and I had become pretty good friends over the last year and a half, and had talked about quite a few things.

Here I was, getting ready to celebrate Christmas with my family and… Our pastor was gone… I remember hanging up the phone on the wall, standing there for a while, then I remember I had been watching one of my favorite Christmas movies, so I went back to the sofa to finish it. I am guessing that I was about half through. I just sat there watching for maybe 5 minutes. Then, I decided to just turn it off. I no longer felt like watching it. I just felt so numb… I can’t remember for sure what I did do after I got up and turned off the t.v., not that it mattered. I do remember feeling numb for a day or so.

A few years ago, I learned of the death of a friend of mine who used to work at Tecumseh State Correctional Institution. Todd and I had been friends for at least three years and really enjoyed working together and talking with each other. Todd had moved from Nebraska to Kansas and, from what I knew, was doing well. I knew that he had left Corrections because of issues that he had with some of the staff, as well as some of the Inmates. What I didn’t know was that, because of all the issues that he had been having, he had abused alcohol so much that his body essentially stopped working correctly and he died. He was born in 1966 and died in March of 2013. His sister had contacted me via Facebook to give me the sad news. She had known of our friendship even though we had never met. She also explained why Todd had died. ‘Feeling sad’ really didn’t describe how I felt.

I am sure that each of you reading this blog entry have been touched by suicide. I am sure each of you have been left wondering, “What went wrong?” Or maybe, “What should I have done differently?!” Or possibly “Why did I miss the warning signs?!” It is easy to not just think about those things, but to become focused on them.

People commit suicide for different reasons. Usually it is because they are trying to find a way stop the physical, emotional, or mental pain that they are feeling at the time. There have been many studies on why people commit suicide, and it is not what this blog is about.

I have been in the US Army (both Active Duty and with the Nebraska National Guard) for 15 years now. I have been with the Nebraska Department of Corrections for about 8 1/3 years now. Both of those are very high stress jobs. Although I am often thanked for my Service, not everyone understands the kind of experiences that I have had. Unfortunately, I rarely, if ever, get any kind of ‘thanks’ for my service in Corrections outside of my immediate family and close circle of friends.

I knew going into Corrections that it would probably be a ‘thankless’ job. Back in 2006 when I first started my Corrections training, Law Enforcement professionals were already been looked down upon. I knew that working in a prison would be a hard job to do, and many around me did not leave me disappointed. The stress that Custody (or Line) Staff have to deal with on a daily basis, plus a society that often misunderstand us or grossly dislikes us, can easily lead to lots of stress and the impression that there are few outlets out there for dealing with it. The same can be true for those in our Armed Forces.

The thing is, there are those out there who do genuinely care, both in Corrections and in the Military. In the Army, we have Peer-to-Peer trained soldiers and those who have had ASIST (Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training), myself being one who has both. Annually, those of us who work for the Nebraska Department of Corrections (NDCS) take refresher training on suicide prevention. Though it focuses more on dealing with Inmate suicide, the concepts there can be used with co-workers, too.

The thing is, there are many people out there who genuinely care. There are many people out there who want to help out. Even if they do not understand what you are going through, they still want to help and support you. The important thing is to keep asking, to keep searching for those who do care.

There are two analogies that I have learned concerning how things build up to wanting to commit suicide. The first one is the ‘blinders’ analogy. Have you ever seen a horse pulling a buggy? Over the eyes of the horse are what’s called ‘blinders.’ They are items to ‘blind’ the horse to things that are happening around it, keeping it focused straight ahead. As a person goes through life and stress and pain start building, a person can develop blinders that hinder him or her from seeing the ‘whole picture.’ As time goes on, he or she becomes more and more focused on the source of their pain (emotional, physical, etc.) and less and less on the options available. Maybe not the best analogy, but one that help.

Another good analogy that I found came from my ASIST training (site is https://www.livingworks.net/). Picture in your mind a dam with a large reservoir behind it, the canyon walls off to the sides in front of the dam, and then a pump house at the base. The reservoir symbolizes all that is in your mind (thoughts, feelings, memories, etc.). The pump house symbolizes the way that you process everything. The dam is, well, you. When a person is effectively regulating one’s emotions, thoughts, etc., the water behind the dam and the water coming out of the pump house work effectively. However, when there gets to be an excess of water within the reservoir and/or the pump house has problems regulating everything, cracks can start forming within the dam, water can start spilling out around the dam wall, the water can start flowing over the dam wall, etc. This can be a slow build up, caused by a traumatic event(s), created or aggravated by drug and/or alcohol abuse, etc. As the well becomes more and more overwhelmed, the odds of something ‘rash’ to deal with everything becomes more and more likely.

Again, these are only analogies. And I feel the need to emphasize that each and every one of us are dealing with different things in our lives. What may not really bother one person can greatly affect someone else. Some people thrive in environments of challenge, conflict, etc. Others excel and grow in areas of calm and quiet. We are all different, and we each react to things differently. But, no matter how difficult things may be, no matter how dark your life might seem right now, there are many out there who do care and want to help. And if one doesn’t understand what you are feeling or are not sure with how to help, the do want to help and at least walk with you during this challenging time. Keep searching and asking until one does help you.