Improper Proceedings

There are many things on my mind this morning that I feel the need to discuss.  And, instead of going my original route, I am changing directions, slightly.  I am writing and editing this on my phone, so please bare with me.

I am extremely unhappy with President Trump's recommendations for Chief Justice, Brett Kavanaugh have been handled.  Quite frankly, the proceeding are being made into a disgusting circus by many people in the Senate and in the media (plenty of shame to be shared by all).  But, what are the facts?

In talking with my wife, I have learned that the woman who "made the accusations" against Kavanaugh had originally written a letter to Sen. Dianne Feinstein's office expressing memories from decades ago concerning an event that happened, but she was not sure of all of the details.  Mrs. Ford neither was wanting to go public, nor was she making criminal accusations.  And, instead of Feinstein talking privately with Mrs. Ford and/or just giving the letter to the FBI, before the public proceeding, and let them investigate to confirm or deny that something had happened.  Instead, she tosses it out, during the public hearings, and starts dragging everybody in the mud.  Dragging Mrs. Ford and Kavanaugh both in the mud.

Now, as a reminder, I have been a Military Police Officer (MP) for just over 10 years.  My training has been on the importance of thoroughly investigating a person's accusations concerning a crime, taking witness statements and evaluating physical evidence, to determine if: a) was a crime actually committed?, and b) What does the physical evidence show?  

A few years ago, I was the investigating officer for a traffic accident that happened on a military base during a deployment.  The initial evidence only indicated that some of the guards had heard a vehicle collision and that a concrete barrier had been damaged, as well as moved a significant difference.  No vehicle was specifically seen hitting the barrier, just the evidence that it had been hit.

Only because I knew the color of the vehicle and the approximate location of the vehicle damage did I have much to go on.  And, that evidence proved to be very helpful.  Only one vehicle on the base matched the color and location of the damage.  But, with further investigating, many interviews, and many hours analyzing the facts, I tetermjnedtwo things.  One particular Soldier was confirmed to be the driver during the accident.  I also discovered and documented how his Chain of Command had (unintentionally) set him up for failure.  Because the evidence and my investigator's notes where handed over the the Unit for any disciplinary proceedings, I do not know what the results were.  The big thing to take away is that I learned a lot simply by examining the physical evidence, talking with the various witnesses, sorted through the facts, opinions, and speculations, and came to very specific conclusions.

In a case of sexual harassment, especially an event that happened decades ago, determining all of the facts is very, very difficult.  Unfortunately, it can often come down to a "he said, she said" situation without any supporting documentation or physical evidence.  So, without credible witnesses, independly interviewed, can support the accuser, there is not a whole lot that can be done legally.

Now, I do agree with my wife that a harassment 'crime' had been committed, though possibly it was done unintentionally because someone had been under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol, and made worse decisions than what he many normally had made.  However, all of the evidence that I have heard discussed does not support the accusations. 

To be honest, I think that the greatest victim right now is not Kavanaugh, but Ford.  Why?  Mrs. Ford had written her Senator, Feinstein, about some concerns about Kavanaugh that she had.  But, these concerns were solely based on her memories that she wasn't sure of.  She knew something had happened to here whole in college that negatively impacted her emotionally and, I would argue also spiritually.  But, she couldn't remember many details.  And, again, this was before the public hearing.  From a Law Enforcement perspective, I believe that Feinstein was grossly negligent with how she and her office has handled it.  Unfortunately, some Senators and many in the media, are grossly, grossly mishandling the situation.

Think about it this way...  How would you like it if you shared some concerns about someone else in private, in confidentiality, especially something you were not 100% sure on, and then that person used your confidential and private information for their personal agenda?  Myself?  I would be absolutely furious!  I would probably go so far as taking that person to court for breach of confidentiality, unethical behavior, slander, and possibly other charges.  And, I would at least consider similar charges against specific people in the media, too, for aiding and abetting, if I felt that the evidence and overall situation warranted it.  

As a Law Enforcement professional, I would be legally responsible for investigating any accusation concerning a person wellbeing (like child abuse, rape, murder, self-harm, etc.).  Such situations would require me to determine in n, through interviews and examining physical evidence, to determine if a crime has (or very likely will) take place, the actual seriousness, and what I can do according to current laws, status as, regulations, etc.  Has that actually happened in this situation?  Personally, from what I know, I seriously doubt it.

Extremely Busy Times

The other day I looked at when my last Blog Entry was and I was a bit shocked. I knew that I had not made an entry for a while, but I hadn't realized that it's been almost three whole months!

Things have been extremely hectic for me lately. The biggest thing is that the prison that I work at is so understaffed right now that we are getting hit for mandatory overtime at least once, if not twice, per week. That’s on top of working our 4x 12 hour shifts. That has been making things extremely difficult for all of us there.

On top of this job, I have a wife and two kids, I usually do a weekly Adult Bible Study, and I am the Adjutant (Secretary) for our local VFW. That’s a lot going on, huh? For some of you out there, that is the norm for you. For others, doing this much work might be a totally foreign concept. I tell you what, it is very difficult to balance all of this.

In fact, that’s the biggest thing. It has been an on-going challenge to get an appropriate balance between work, being there for my family, taking care of things around the house, look for a new job that better utilizes my skills and interests (and is a lot less stressful and dangerous), do my daily devotions, attend church, do a good preparation for my weekly Bible Study, etc. It seems like I have to ‘rob Peter to pay either Paul or Mary.’ And, that is not really including taking time just for myself.

Asides from daily devotions, I admit that I have often shortchanged myself with good, quality self-care time. Whether it’s reading a good book, doing some creative writing (for this blog, for example), watching a favorite TV show, etc., my self-care often goes onto the chopping blog first. Or, when I do take time to rest, relax, and recharge, I feel guilty because I am not addressing any of the other priorities in my life. I honestly feel like I have been burning the candles at both end, and in the middle. Getting very little sleep during my work days because of the insane hours that I have to work, doesn’t help either.

From time-to-time, I have checked the stats for my blog and have often been surprised to see that people have visited it on occasion. This has been encouraging since that means people enjoy what I write and check back once-in-a-while. It is also sometimes a source of frustration. I see that people are coming back, hoping to see more, and are probably disappointed; and, I feel guilty for not adjusting my time more so that I could write more entries.

I am hoping that things will get better soon. Although we are getting new staff, things are still really difficult. However, I still have to deal with all that I have. Since my Bible Study won’t meet again until next year, that will help a little with time.

Each of us have to wrestle with priorities. My wife knows very well how frustrated I often feel with all my current obligations. The Bible Study and helping with VFW are a much needed source of self-expression that I need, something that I thoroughly love doing. So is this blog. It is my hope that things will improve such that I can do more blogging. Not just because it is a creative release for me, but because many of you out there really enjoy reading it. May God help each of us with our priorities.

Your Reputation Precedes You

References:
• “Revenge of the Sith,” Anakin and Obi-Wan vs. Grievous
• Galatians 2:1-10 NAS
• Proverbs 3:1-8 NAS
• Importance of a Reputation article

I am sure that many of you out there have heard the phrase, “your reputation precedes you.” But, have you taken time to think about what it really means. And especially, have you thought about what it might mean for you?
A reputation is something you build with other people, and with society as a whole, throughout your life. It is something that is based on the decisions that you make, whether good or bad. As we all make choices in our lives, we develop habits. Over time, other people see our habits and come to expect certain things from us. Even though a person may change over the years, a reputation that someone has can hinder a person from seeing those changes.

Word of mouth can be a very powerful thing. For example, a restaurant or business can gain a good or bad reputation based solely on the opinions of a few people who are very vocal or influential. If a lot of people had a good experience someplace and talk excitedly about it with their friends and family, then other people will become interested and try it. But, if a number of people have a poor experience and freely share that, then many people may not even try the business.

As this ‘word of mouth’ spreads, a person or business’ reputation will ‘precede them.’ That is, people will hear more and more about the experiences that others have had. As they hear these differing opinions and experiences, they will develop their own opinion before ever meeting the person or visiting the business. It is here that the reputation of the person or place ‘precedes them.’

Let’s take a reputation of a public speaker as an example. Let’s say that ‘Author’ is an energetic, thoughtful, and funny public speaker on motivation. When this person speaks in public, other people report that they enjoyed the lectures, found them encouraging and thought provoking, and left with a different frame of references for how they do things. Let’s also say that this person also is very warm and friendly while talking with people during a one-on-one setting.

As the person prepares to do a lecture in a new place, many people will read about or talk with friends about their experiences. Because so many people had such a good experience in the past, people will be interested in hearing this person’s lecture for themselves. Even though they may have no person experience with this person themselves, they have already developed their own opinions and personal expectations based on the experiences of others.

This can also be a very negative thing. Let’s say that a has worked for years as county prosecutor for years. This person develops the reputation of cutting corners at times with how he/she does their work, is very difficult to work with, often comes across as very mean towards people that are being prosecuted, is extremely argumentative with everyone, etc. Over the years, he/she sets their eyes on working for a prestigious law firm in a major city. Though this prestigious law firm wants aggressive people working for them to protect their interests, thus law firm has developed a reputation for being stern but not rude or obnoxious. They want to win their court cases, but they want to maintain a positive image for themselves and their clients. Even if the small county prosecutor may have tempered how he/she did things over the years, his or her reputation will probably go before them and either hinder their application, or even prevent them from having a chance.

As those of you who have been following my blog for a while know, I work as Custody Staff for the Nebraska Department of Corrections. It is a job that I have had for over 8 years. During that time, I have developed quite a reputation with many of the Inmates and staff there. This reputation is that I take my job very seriously, will enforce the rules, seek to treat everyone the same, and genuinely care about others. This reputation has greatly helped me on many occasions. I want to share a few of those with you.

Since I am trained to work in the Special Management Unit (SMU) and do my job well, I work there a lot. One particular day, I was working the Upper E Gallery. Because the co-worker who worked on the Upper F Gallery was busy taking care of things someplace else for several hours, I was responsible for two galleries, each of which had at least 15 Inmates. This particular day had a lot going on, so I was very, very busy.

The Inmates on the Upper F Gallery were accepting of this, but many on my Gallery wanted their (felt needs) taken care of immediately. They could care less about the many responsibilities that I had. They wanted me to do what they wanted, when they wanted. Needless to say, this led to many of them being extremely angry.

After a few hours, not only were they yelling at me at the top of their lungs, kicking and hitting their metal doors, making threats to flood the Gallery, threatening physical harm to me, etc. And, with the concrete walls and confined space, the loud echoes intensified everything. During count, the Case Worker assigned to our side of SMU pulled me aside and let me know of his concern. I simply told him I was aware of their anger and threats, and that since I was the only Custody Staff up there taking care of two galleries, I was doing everything that I could.

Not long after that, I was on the Gallery. As earlier, that was a lot of yelling, banging, threats being made, etc. Out of nowhere, I heard one Inmate yell very loudly, “Hey, I know this guy from when I was on the Incentive Gallery! If you give him a chance, he will work with you! But, if you continuously piss him off, he will start ‘writing you up’ (write a Misconduct Report) for every little thing!!” I completed what I needed to do at that time and walked off the gallery. As I did, I remember thinking, “That was weird…”

A little while later, I walked back onto the Gallery and found it oddly quiet. No yelling and screaming, no banging, just quiet. As I walked by one cell door, the Inmate said, “Corporal Underwood, I know you are really busy, but could you….” and he named his request. I took some notes and continued on with my gallery check. It struck me as very odd that the particular Inmate had been extremely vocal in his displeasure with me not even 30 minutes earlier. Now, he was talking to me in a normal tone of voice. As I continued with my gallery check, two other Inmates very politely asked me for something. I took notes and then left the gallery.

Because of the dramatic turn of events, I went through my lists of requests, got what I needed, and then returned to the Gallery. Once again, it was extremely quiet (compared to how it had been). As I talked with each of the different Inmates, they thanked me for their time and addressing what they needed, and let me continue with my work. The rest of my shift, over five hours, was like that.

My shift started with me working two galleries because my co-worker had other responsibilities at the time. For the last hour or so of my shift, he was offered the chance to go home early (something we could do at the time due to good staffing). Because of how quiet and cooperative my Gallery was now, I told him to take the time off, I could handle both galleries without problem. And it was a very relaxing night for me. Because of the reputation I had with one Inmate, who chose to share his experience, things were defused and we all had a better night.

Not long ago, I was working in visiting. As per procedure, I had to strip search each of the Inmates before they went in. This particular night, there was at least 10 Inmates waiting to go into visiting and I was the only one there to do the strip searches. As I was getting ready to start, they were getting very vocal about this displeasure that I was the only one doing the searches, that they were not going to get ‘all of our time’ with their friends and family, etc. Then, one Inmate said, “Hey, I know Underwood. He’s cool… He has a job to do, we need to let him do it. He will get us through as fast as he can.” I could literately feel the tension of the room drop. I opened the door to the room where I did the strip search and this Inmate volunteered to go first. Again, my reputation preceded me, in a way, because of the rapport I had with one or two individuals.

On many other occasions, this has worked to my advantage. Because of the rapport that I had with one or two individuals, or because of my reputation in general, I am often able to get the cooperation of other Inmates. They may not want to obey, and they may even vocally refuse what I instruct them to do, but they still do it.

As a Body of Christ, we as a local church and as individual members create a reputation with other people and with the community that we live in. As Christians, we are Christ’s ambassadors to the world around us. How we choose to interact with others within the Christian community, and with those outside of the local church, can make or break our witness. Because of choices that we make and how we act, people will either be willing to listen to our testimony about our relationship with Christ, or disregard it.

Have you ever stopped to consider what your reputation is? Have you thought about how it is preceding you? Although I know I had thought about it from time-to-time, I never appreciated its importance until I started working with the Nebraska Department of Correctional Services. In the 8+ years working at the same prison, I have seen how one’s reputation can escalate or deescalate a situation. I have seen situations where no force had to be used because of one or two individuals with good rapport were involved. But, I have seen situations quickly escalate from bad to worse because of a person’s reputation.

A reputation can be very helpful or very harmful. It can also be changed, though changing a bad reputation can take a lot of energy and a lot of time. It is very much easier to destroy a good reputation with one or a few bad decisions. But, what we say and what we do are important. People are listening and they are watching. And these people are forming their opinions. Not only that, but they are sharing their opinions, experiences, and observations with others. This word of mouth can travel very fast and very far. We can easily walk into a situation tomorrow, or even years from now, and things will either go well or poorly solely on the reputation the precedes us now. Something to think and pray about…

Games People Play

Please read:
- Philippians 2:1-18 NAS
- James 3:1-12 NAS

While I was growing up in the 70's and the 80's, my family and I would take a long vacation (one to two weeks) every summer. Most of the time we drive from one place to another. To help keep us occupied, my mom would sometimes read to us articles from the Kitchen Klatter Magazine that she would get in the mail. Other times she would read to us from a book. Two books that I remember very well (and still have) are 'Fuzzy Bones' and 'Fuzzy Papers'.

When my mom didn't feel like reading, I would sometimes entertain myself with reading my own books or playing a games like travel bingo. Other times we would play a game like going through the alphabet using the letters that we saw on billboards and license plates. All of these activities would help the time to pass more quickly, so that it would seem that we arrived at our destination sooner.

I have played numerous bard and board games over the years with friends and family. Just a few of them are Monopoly, Risk, Clue, Chutes and Ladders, Mr. Mouth, etc. Usually I have really enjoyed playing games with others. Games can be a great way to help people get to better know each other. It can also be a great way to have fun and help facilitate conversation. My kids are both getting to the age where they can join my wife and I in some games. And they have loved it! But, not all games are good.

A song that was popular when I was growing up was “Don't Go Breaking My Heart” by Elton John & Kiki Dee. Unfortunately, I am sure that a lot of people have experienced this. A person would lead someone else on, manipulating their emotions in one way or another. Although not always, it would often be an issue of commitment from one person. Unfortunately that would often lead to great heartache. It is saddening that some people continuously do this with one person after another. After one person finally puts their foot down, the manipulator goes and finds someone else to lead around.

But, that isn't the worse of it. There are those who are very good manipulators and play con games with others. But, instead of just misleading a person's heart, they use their charm and manipulative skills to take things from others. Things like money, healthy, and/or property. For them, it's a game with how much they can take from others and how many lives they can hurt, or even destroy, before they are caught. Many of these people go for years before they are stopped, leaving a trail of emotional, physical, and spiritual wreckage in their wake.

I have observed some very manipulative people in my life. And, it saddens me to say, there are many within the physical church. It could be a congregation that has very unhealthy dynamics, a lay leader who uses his/her position to manipulate others, or even a pastor who uses his/her position to take advantage of others. I have even seen youth, who don't like how a youth leader does things, to 'play games' to try and get rid of that person.

These 'games people play' can take the form of spreading false rumors, being argumentative with someone over petty things, character assassination, showing ill will towards those who support someone they don't like, or even making false accusations with law enforcement or with a church or denomination’s legal organization. I have read numerous articles over the years with how a person or group within a church destroyed a person's life through false accusations. Even though they were later found innocent of the charges, their reputation and, potentially their ministry career, was ruined.

The thing is, we don't just 'play games' with each other, we also try to play games with God. Think about it… How often have you gone through life making excuses for things you may have said or done that you knew displeased God? When you justify your actions, are you not trying to play games with God? Take a moment and read about why God choose David (1 Samuel 16:1-11 NAS and how God later confronted David (2 Samuel 12:1-15 NAS). In both examples, God shows us that He knows what is on our hearts, what our attitudes are. Whether we like it or not, we cannot lie to God. We can only believe the lies that we tell ourselves. And God will confront us about it.

While playing card games and board games can be a great and wholesome form of entertainment, not all games are good. God calls us to be honest with ourselves, with each other, and with Him. When we try to play games with others so that we can manipulate them, we are not just being selfish, but we are essentially lying to them (and to God) about what our real motives are. Let us strive to repent of when we are false with each other, and towards God. That way we can edify (to build up) each other and tear each other down.

Being an Inspiration

A while back, I wrote a blog entry about how God uses us to touch the lives of others (Touching Lives). Although I felt that I was done with that particular blog entry, I felt like God wanted me to do more. After some reflection and prayer, now I will develop that concept a little bit more. Before going further, please take a moment to read 2 Corinthians 5:17-21 and Matthew 28:18-20. There are many other passages that are applicable, but these are the two that I will use.

Has anyone come up to you and said that you are their hero? Or, that you have been an inspiration to them in some part of their life? That has happened to me on quite a few occasions. And, some of them have caught me by complete surprise.

While growing up, I was often reminded by my Dad, a Presbyterian Pastor, that the younger kids are watching me. Not just that, but that I will be a role-model to them with how to act and talk. Because of this, I need to be ‘more mindful’ of what I did and how I said things. I don’t think I really took this to heart until I was a senior in high school in Kentucky.

During my senior year, a group of seniors went around and took pictures and videos of other seniors. These pictures and videos would be put together for the seniors as part of a graduation gift from the school. Of course, there were specific rules that we had to abide by. What was neat was that they asked the students different questions in order to make it more personal. A few weeks before graduation, we got to watch the video. I will never forget it! One of the guys was asked on the video, “So tell us… Who is your hero.” His immediate response was that I was his hero! I just remember sitting there stunned, that someone would think of me as their inspiration. Honestly, I can't remember why I was his hero. Since the interview was only a few minutes long, I doubt he probably elaborated.

Over the years, I have been blessed on many other occasions where I have inspired others. For me, hearing how I have been a blessing to others is God’s way of encouraging me. He also reminds me of how He often uses me without me perceiving it. Even in small things, God has shown me how that He has touched others through what I say and do.

Another example… For those that don't know me, I am not a fast runner. For most of my military career, I have struggled with passing my 2 miles run within the allowed time. While I was Active Duty at FT Bragg, a friend of mine was the coach for the unit’s 10 Run Team. This was for the up-coming All American Week (think intramural sports being played by a whole base). He invited me to be on his team. Most of the other guys in my company questioned his logic in doing so. Since we had at least 8 runners and only the first 5 who finished would be counted, I was there more for the benefit of training with them. And, my friend inspired me to do my best by training with me. I know that it was often hard for him to run at my slower pace. But, he was that serious about me being on the team and personally helped me to improve.

As I trained, I shared with friends and family that I was participating on the 10 Mile Run Team. This was something I did on a regular basis, sharing important things in my life with those who are important to me. A few months later, while I was on vacation, I visited a good friend of mine from seminary and his family. At the time, he was pastoring a church in Kansas. While I was hanging out with him and ‘shooting the breeze,’ he told me that I had inspired him to start running and to get back into shape. At that point, he had lost several pounds, was dealing with stress better, and many other things. He also shared that, because I was several years older and took up the challenge to push myself in something I struggled to do well, what excuse did he have?

It is the same thing with my family. As a father of two kids, I often see them imitating the things that I do. At times that makes me proud, because they are mimicking the good things that I do. Other times, watching what they do makes me cringe. Through their actions and words, I realize how many times they see me making mistakes. It’s an important reminder to me, no matter what they are doing, to make sure that I am being the best role-model for them. Quite honestly, how my kids act is a daily reminder that they are closely watching how my wife and I deal with life.

Lets think about this a bit. How many people do you interact with on a daily basis? If you go to school, you have your classmates and teachers or professors. If you work, you have co-workers and supervisors. There are also various friends and family members that each of us interacts with regularly. Lets face it… We come into contact with many different people while we are out shopping, commuting to and from work or school, etc. Though we may not always be an inspiration to someone that we briefly interact with, that is not always the case.

I could be out with my family at a restaurant and, because someone is having a bad day, they decide to direct their anger towards me. In this case, lets say that I was able to use my ministerial skills to deescalate the situation. As we talked, I showed him that I cared by listening to what he was saying and that I acknowledged how it made him feel. In response, instead of taking his anger out on me or someone else, he is able to get a better perspective on things.

However, unknown to me there is a person who grew up without good parenting or role-models. All he or she knew growing up is how to react to things, especially with anger. Now the person sees how I used my verbal skills to help someone who was very upset to take a step back and gain a better perspective. This could be the inspiration that he or she needs to seek help in making positive changes in his or her life.

We all need to remember that others are watching what we say and do. It is so very easy to walk around, living life our own way, and not think about how we are impacting others. But yet, we always are influencing others with how we talk, how we act, our mannerism, etc. As followers of Christ, we are all His ambassadors to this world. (2 Corinthians 5:20) It is not something we can choose to do or not to do. If we claim to be a follower of Christ, we are, in fact, His ambassador.

Paul writes in his second Epistle to the churches in Corinth concerning many things. In this particular chapter, he talks specifically about being reconciled to Christ (born again as some define it). That is, trusting Christ as one’s Lord and Savior. In doing so, we become an adopted member of God’s family through Christ’s death and resurrection. But, being a member of the Body of Christ doesn’t just end with our adoption. As a follower of Christ, we now represent Him to those around us. Paul exhorts us, therefore, to be positive role-models or ambassadors for Christ to those around us. Not that we will get it right all the time. But, by God’s grace, we can learn and grow. And, as we learn and grow, we can more positively impact those around us.

We impact the lives of those around us, whether we know it or not. In fact, we can be a source of inspiration to others. There are many competing voices for peoples’ loyalty and devotion. On a daily basis, children are enticed to join gangs so that they can have a ‘family.’ On a daily basis terrorist groups try to persuade those who are angry about life to join their cause. On a daily basis, there are people who have corrupt morals that seek to encourage others to follow their examples. Let us seek God’s help to also be a voice to others. Let us seek God’s help in being positive influence in people’s lives. Not just that, let us ask God to change us in such was as we inspire others to follow Him. And not just follow Him, but seek to be obedient to Him in thought, word and deed. If prayerfully do that on a day-to-day basis, imagine the kind of impact God could have on the lives of those around us!

Touching Lives

Scripture verses to ponder:
Ecclesiastes 11:1-6 NKJV
John 3:3-13 NKJV
1 Corinthians 3:1-11 NKJV
Hebrews 13:1-7 NKJV

Every so often during the last couple of weeks, I have been looking at the stats for my blog site, “Law and Grace.” As of the time of writing this blog entry, I have had over 620 visits since I first started it in 2012. Now, how many of those were people who clicked on a link to my blog, saw what it was about and left without reading much, I don't know. But, I am excited by the fact that my blog has been visited so many times. Especially considering the fact that this entry will be my 27th published entry.

Something that excites me more than the number of people that have visited my blog is the fact that so many people from different countries that have visited it. According to the stats page, the majority of the people who have visited my blog are from the US, with over 400. Considering the fact that I am from the US and that most of my friends and relatives live there, that is no surprise. What is a surprise is that people from countries like Germany, Netherlands, Russia, the Ukraine, Romania, amongst other, have visited my site. Again, I don't know how many stayed to read and how many clicked on my site and then left. That is only known by God. But, it shows that I am starting to touch lives all over the world. That is totally awe inspiring!

And, that really got me thinking… As the passages that I listed above, we often do not know, or even have a clue, as to what God chooses to do through us. Each and every person that we interact with through out lives, be it just once, or through an on going relationship, we impact them either positively or negatively. Kind of like leaving footprints in their lives. A very popular poem about this concept, called “Footprints in the Sand,” can be found here. A song written about this poem can be found here. Gives one a different view of how Christ walks with us, huh? But, let's take that idea a little further.

Lets say that each of our lives is like a beach. For those of us whose lives are longer (I am over 40 years old and experienced a lot), our 'track of beach' will probably be long and wide. Others would be much longer and wider than mine. Others much, much narrower and shorter. And, picture various footprints appearing and disappearing, going this way and that. These would be the footprints of others that have impacted you, either positively or negatively. When you add onto this how many lives impact you through your on-line relationships, it can really become filled and confusing. I am sure that my stretch of beach would be a huge swath of churned sand, kicked all over the place. Especially considering the gruff personalities I have interacted with in the military and in corrections. Some of them have been quite negative, even cruel. But, others would be neatly made because the person making them were friendly and caring with how they interacted with me, even if it was just briefly.

Whether short or over a long period of time, whether gruff, mean, or kind, each of the footprints left a mark on my life. Each of them shaped me into the person that I am today. Looking back, even some of the more gruff and 'difficult' people that I had to deal with were able to positively change me. It was not pleasant for me at the time, but over the months and years, I was able to see how they were (intentionally or not) directing me and how God used that to change me. Kind of like how Joseph viewed his brothers. Years before, they had sold him into slavery in . But, God never abandoned Joseph and continued to mature and train him so that, after many years, Joseph would be ready to become second in command of all Egypt and save the nation, and many surrounding countries from a very, very severe drought and famine. Though Joseph's brothers had evil intent, God used all of the circumstances to bring about great and awesome good for all.

If God could use Joseph in such an awesome way, then I knew that He can use me in awesome ways to touch the lives of others. Whether it is the people that I interact with on a day-to-day basis, face-to-face, friends that I talk with via the Internet, or 'faceless' people that are able to read my blog from around the world. I have faith that God will touch the lives of those around me. In fact, a particular Scripture passage comes to my mind:

6 Seek the Lord while He may be found, Call upon Him while He is near. 7 Let the wicked forsake his way, And the unrighteous man his thoughts; Let him return to the Lord, And He will have mercy on him; And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon. 8 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. 9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts. 10 "For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, That it may give seed to the sower And bread to the eater, 11 So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. 12 "For you shall go out with joy, And be led out with peace; The mountains and the hills Shall break forth into singing before you, And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. 13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress tree, And instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree; And it shall be to the Lord for a name, For an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off." (Isaiah 55:6-13 NKJV)

I believe that God can and will use me to impact the lives of those around me. When I walk in obedience to Him, He will use that to bless the lives of others. Though it may not always be in the way that I intend or the way that they perceive, God will accomplish what He wills in due time. Even when I make a fool of myself and do not walk according to the Spirit, but according to my flesh, I trust that He can use that, too. Even if its along the lines of, “Look… Don't do that, or else this will happen.” For me, that is the awesome thing about God. Even when I seek to do His will and fail because of my brokenness and human frailty (or even human foolishness), God can still use it for His greater good. I do have an obligation to Him to strive to walk in the Spirit and to be obedient to Him. Out of thankfulness for all that He has done that I don't deserve (Romans 5:1-10), I want to be obedient. But, even when I want to serve Him wholeheartedly, even when I fail He will still use it. That gives me a lot of peace, knowing that as I make myself available to Him, He will use me in awesome ways!

Hebrews 12:1-6 is such an encouragement to me. Many have gone before me, some suffering great evil so that the Gospel of Christ could be proclaimed. And now, each of those witnesses are cheering us on to continue to do good and live lives of obedience. It may not always be easy, sometimes it may be down right painful. Some may even have to lay down their lives in order for the Gospel of Christ to be clearly and loudly proclaimed. Those are more extreme examples. In our own lives, we can daily live self-sacrificially, in obedience to God, and proclaim the Gospel of Christ in our words and actions. Though we may see evidence of God touching the lives of others, that may not always be the case.

As I started, I will end reflecting on how many people have at least looked at different pages of my blog. Though different stats give different totals, one thing doesn't change. Many people from all over the world have been exposed to what I have been writing. I have not heard much in the way of how I have impacted them. Many don't know me from Adam, Cain, or Noah. Some of whom will probably not realize how my words have impacted for some time, when God brings to mind something that I wrote that, all of a sudden, now makes sense or illuminates something. A song by a Christian singer, Ray Boltz, comes to mind. The song is called, “Thank You.” You can find the lyrics here and a video here. The person who is a subject of the song sought to obediently live for Christ and the song is a celebration that, upon entering Heaven, Christ started showing him just how many lives were touched through his words and actions. Let all be encouraged to live more obediently to God and to make ourselves available to Him. Only He knows how much He can use each of us to change the lives of those around us.

Reflections on the Connecticut Shooting

I am sure that I am not the only one out there writing his or her reflections on the incredible act of violence that transpired at the elementary school in Connecticut Friday. Like so many people, I am contemplating how to understand what has transpired. Because of my background, how I have been contemplating such events is a real mixed baggage. If you are interested and willing, please continue reading as I list some of my thoughts. Just be warned, I tend to be upfront with my faith and beliefs, and at times very blunt.

First and foremost, this was a very evil act. To me, purposely going after people who are unable to defend themselves is something that should be very harshly punished. But, to me at least, why did he do it? How could a 20-year-old man consider doing something as cruel as going through a school? Being angry at one's parents, former teacher, etc., is one thing. Whether justifiable because of things in the past or not, one adult seeking to kill another adult is one thing. But, to go around and slaughter children?! That is something totally different. My faith informs me that all of us are imperfect and sinful beings. That is, our natures are corrupt since birth, seeking to gratify our felt desires. Through training, we can manage this to some extent, be we will always have this sinful nature. When we look around, we see some people who go to great lengths to disciple themselves so as to indulge their sinful desires less. But, we also see those who go out of their way to gratify them. Though many do not seek out ways so horrific as what happened on Friday, they still seek to gratify them.

For someone to choose to commit such a crime as shooting innocent children in a school, it seems that such a person would have had to harbor a very deep kind of bitterness for a very long time. In Ephesians 4:26, we read: "26 "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath," There is something very important to take away from this passage, I believe. When we allow anger to continue to fester in our hearts, it turns to bitterness. As this bitterness grows, it pushes out things like love, forgiveness, compassion, etc. As these things are pushed aside, out of one's life, it becomes more and more easy to consider things like taking one's anger out on anyone who is available, to just lash out. All of us feel angry at some point of time. That is a natural, God given emotion. It tells us that something is wrong (or at least feels wrong) and that something needs to be done. So, feeling angry is not bad, in and of itself. It's what a person does in expressing and/or deal with that anger that is either constructive or destructive.

From what little I have read, two of the victims appear to be his parents. It makes me wonder what his parents had done to enrage him so much. Or, a more likely issue is, what made this young man interpret things in such a way as to become so bitter. In a recent Fox News article, I read that some are speculating that mental illness might have something to do with his rampage. While in college, I took several psychology courses. One of the things that I learned from that is that reasons are never totally clear. Though there can be many influences, it's rarely clear as to what is a 'definite why.' My experiences and training inform me that we all have three facets, the physical, the emotional/psychological, and the spiritual. All three facets are interrelated and what happens to one directly impacts the other two.

On Facebook, I have read many posts about how angry people are about the man's actions in Connecticut. Some people blame guns, some blame education, others are just angry. Many people are struggling with wondering the "why did he?!?!" Others are asking how we could have protected the children.

I've worked corrections and military law enforcement. I am definitely not alone in wishing I could have done something. Being what my background is, I know that I could have done something. But, I often wonder if it would have been good enough? That is not a question I can really answer. Because of how many state and/or local laws are written, if I am not a law enforcement officer then I would not have been able to legally carry a weapon onto school grounds. That means, if I had been nearby and had the means to respond, I wonder if it would have been something that I could have done legally? I know that there are many out there that agree with me in that, were I there and had the means to have use whatever force necessary to stop this young man, I should have. However, I know that there are many out there who take the position that anything that, because I am not a civilian law enforcement officer, any use of a weapon on school property would be considered breaking the law. That is, I would be just as guilty of using a weapon on school grounds as the man shooting the children, teachers, etc.

When such events as this happen, we all struggle with how to understand it. We all struggle with how it could have been prevented and how to prevent future things from happening. There are no easy answers. There are no easy solutions, either. There are some things that are better than others, though.  One of the things that I read in the above-mentioned article was that the car and guns used in the rampage were all stolen. The car, the rifle, and the pistols were all owned by his mother, Nancy Lanza. Whether or not the young man suffered from any mental illness, it is clear that he stole weapons from someone else to use in his crimes. So, trying to justify more weapons control/bans is unfounded. He didn't buy them, he stole them. So far I have not read if he used the weapons to kill his mother or if he killed her by other means and then obtained the rifle and pistols. And to me, it doesn't really matter.

Although I am a military police officer with the Nebraska National Guard that does not mean that I can carry a firearm onto school grounds, with or without a CCW (concealed carry weapons) permit. There are so many people and places that are anti-gun that for those who choose to go through the training and application process for a CCW, it's difficult to be legally able to use that training. To me, that's sad. It also angers me. Many of us not only have a passion to help and protect others, even if that is not our primary job in life but have the training and experience to do so.

I don't know about others, but I would be very, very angry if any person who choose to risk their own life to stop someone like this shooter and were they prosecuted as a criminal because they also brought a firearm onto a school. Unfortunately, heroes like that are victimized because, in order to stop someone from committing a crime, they had to break a law. Instead of thanking the person for doing so, they are put in jail. It doesn't make any sense to me. Which is worse, carrying a firearm onto school grounds to stop an active shooter or the actions of the shooter? What is really justifiable? Which is a greater evil? We have Good Samaritan laws to protect those who try to save the lives of others. Why don't we have similar laws to protect citizen who would be willing to risk their own lives to protect others in a shooting situation?

I've been deployed to Iraq many times. I've studied Scripture for years and prayerfully seek God's help in applying it to my life. I have worked with convicted felons in a state prison, having to deal with some people who genuinely do not care about others, but only want to gratify their own selfish, even perverted, desires. I have also worked military law enforcement. I have been on a use of force team on numerous occasions because an inmate refused to follow the rules and force was necessary to correct the situation. I have had to spontaneously use force on a few occasions in order to protect myself or someone else. I have sat at the bedside of someone who was so distraught with life that they tried to commit suicide and had not succeeded. I have talked with friends and family members of someone who had suffered serious injure or had died because of a bad decision that they had made or because of someone else had. In some ways, all of these experiences help me to personally deal with such events. But, only so much.

All in all, I still struggle with such events. I am angry with the person who did such things. I am angry that people want to punish law abiding citizens who have not committed crimes just because someone else has. I am angry that there are those who would want to punish a person who would be willing to do anything and everything they possible could to protect the innocent because of how they stopped a criminal. I am saddened that young children were murdered by someone who, for whatever reasons, took his anger and bitterness out on them. I also want to understand how such a thing happened or how to prevent such a thing from happening in the future.

Many ask how a loving God could allow such a thing to happen. I do not know why. But, I do know that God is in control. What happened was evil. But, I do know that God can bring blessings out of it.  I know that many people will be very angry with the statement that I just made. That is fine with me. Looking back at my life, I know that I have made many bad decisions. We all have. But, God has shown me grace and helped me to learn from such mistakes. I know that God has done that in other people's lives. I also know that God can bring good out of this situation, too. For me, the big question is, are we going to seek to punish others for the sins/mistakes of one person, or are we going to seek how God wants to show us His Grace? Are we going to be willing to accept what God wants to give us or teach us? I don't have the answer for that either. I just hope and pray that whatever God wants to do with this event in my life, that I will be obedient. I pray that you, the reader, will do so as well.

RC