Agenda Hijacking

(This will be written as I originally wrote it about 1.5 days ago. Things have been a little busy, so I haven’t been able to post this blog entry until now. I hope that you enjoy it.)

At the time of putting ‘pen-to-paper,’ it is almost 3 AM, Sunday, February 18, 2018. I have just sat down after brewing some tea so that I can write down what my mind has been pondering for a good hour. I don’t get times like this very often, where I feel inspired to write and can sit down to write it down.

There has been tragedy in the news, once again. There was another school shooting in Florida, with 17 killed and maybe 50 injured. All done by one angry, young man. Who may or may not have ties to white supremacist. I don’t know much of the details because I have been very busy with work, family, dealing with some really bad back pain, etc. But, truth be known, I probably won’t read much from the main news networks because I am getting pretty sick and tired of all the special interest groups hijacking the events for their own agendas.

Pretty much every day, be it on tv, on Facebook, on LinkedIn, or some other place, I see one article after another take an event, be it current or not, and make it fit their particular agenda. Those wanting stricter gun control will focus on the details that support their agenda. Those touting a ‘armed everybody” will focus on those details that give credence to theirs. The list goes on and on.

And while we are allowing the special interest groups to pull us one way or another, there are still many people still bleeding, still hurting, still mourning, still screaming, Why God, why?!” and still people ready to stone others who don’t see life their way, etc. To me, that is the greatest tragedy.

I am in my mid-forties and will be celebrating a birthday soon. I have served in the US Army, both Active Duty and in the Nebraska National Guard. Although my current job is with the Nebraska Department of Correctional Services, I have worked as a church pastor, done sales floor at Office Depot, done landscaping, worked as a lifeguard, etc. Each of these events are a part of me. Though some aspects might have a greater influence, they are all a part of me.

It saddens me that this happens so often, but id doesn’t surprise me at all. On the rare occasion where this “addenda hijacking” doesn’t happen, it’s like a breath of fresh air! I try to enjoy it as much as I can, even if it’s a perspective that I don’t necessarily agree with or can relate to. And, I am naturally angered when my perspective, my narrative is hijacked for someone else’s agenda.

About two decades ago, I was attending Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary and working on becoming an ordained minister with the Presbyterian Church (USA). As part of the ordination process, I had to attend a three day ‘career counseling workshop.’ My experience was a very negative one because of how they ‘evaluated’ me. One example that I will share is thus…

We were to spend some time drawing how we saw ourselves at this point and time in our lives, and give a narrative why we saw ourselves that way. We each had a large piece of newprint paper (probably 24x36 inches, and very thin paper) and a lot of pens, pencils, crayons, etc. My picture was of me hiking on a trail in the woods, complete with backpack, walking stick, and a hat. I was on a pat that was lined by trees, and on a hill. My narrative was that I was on a hill during this journey of my life, and that I could see a lot before me. Because I was in a forest with lots of hills, my exact route was hidden. I new which direction I needed to go (ministry), but the exact details were hidden. I also added in my narrative that I could occasionally see bits and pieces of my path, but mostly unknown. And, most of all, I was excited about everything!

After we all shared our narratives, those leading the discussion/session, gave their ‘observations.’ Bare in mind that I have always been an introvert, very introspective, a lover of nature and exploring, and a lover of learning. Although I had grown up in the church as a pastor’s kid, my personal relationship with Christ was just starting to really brow and blossom. The ‘career counselors,’ though, interpreted my narrative very differently. You see, they only saw a young man who was lost, alone, and afraid. And, I needed ‘professional help’ to get read of my ‘shyness’ and become ‘more outgoing,’ as well as to deal with many (supposed) issues with adoption and other things. I was angry then.

A few weeks later, when I receive their 8ish page ‘report,’ I was outraged! When I shared it with my small group of close friends (felt more like a family), they barely recognized the person in the report. This is based on their experiences with me over more than 6 months of being together. A couple of brothers-in-Christ sat down with me at different times to discuss what I could use to better myself and what was not worth keeping.

Although my time at LPTS was often very difficult, I was blessed with my wonderful friends and many enriching experiences. And, I will share one of my more positive experiences with you.

During my senior year, I took an ethics class on Frederick Douglass. Some of the books were written by the former slave who became a major voice with the US abolitionist movement before and during the American Civil War. Other books were written about him. In our class, there was the instructor and 10-12 students. All of us students ranged from very conservative to very liberal in theology and politics. We also varied in age from 20-something to over 50. A very diverse group, indeed! Though our Professor might not have always agreed with our observations or perspectives, he encouraged us to share them. He also challenged us with, “have you considered this perspective,” or “Okay, why did this impact you so much?” He also kept the discussion on the topic and minimized the rabbit trails and personal agendas. It was a challenging, but deeply enriching experience!

Now, I have done my own ‘agenda hijacking’ to an event and used it to push forward something that is important to me. That is, try to learn all you can from the whole situation. Don’t just let people speak, but listen to what they are saying. Be there to help them. Even if you disagree with their life stories, listen. In listening to what people are saying, we can learn and grow. By at least trying to understand their perspective, maybe we can help others to heal and grow, too.

Right now, there is a tragedy unfolding before our eyes. A tragedy so terrible more lives could be lost. A tragedy of anger, maybe even pride and/or deep lostness. A tragedy of a very young man so angry, who became so bitter, that he chose to take the lives of at least 17 people, some of whom ma not hae had any role in this ager, his malice. A young many with the intestinal fortitude to take ownership with what he did, not deny it.

Where his actions wrong? Absolutely! Should he be held accountable for his actions? Yes! Should we cast him a way and do nothing more with him? May it never be! He needs healing in his live, just like those who were injured or lost loved ones need healing in theirs. His friends and family need help with their own grief, mourning, anger, confusion, etc. Each of them are a human being, each made in the Image of God. Each of them deserves love and compassion.

Are we brave enough to help each of them? Or, will we choose to just follow some easy path/agenda that pleases us or is comfortable. Our chose will have repercussion in the future. What kind of future do we want for ourselves and our children?

Reflections on the Connecticut Shooting

I am sure that I am not the only one out there writing his or her reflections on the incredible act of violence that transpired at the elementary school in Connecticut Friday. Like so many people, I am contemplating how to understand what has transpired. Because of my background, how I have been contemplating such events is a real mixed baggage. If you are interested and willing, please continue reading as I list some of my thoughts. Just be warned, I tend to be upfront with my faith and beliefs, and at times very blunt.

First and foremost, this was a very evil act. To me, purposely going after people who are unable to defend themselves is something that should be very harshly punished. But, to me at least, why did he do it? How could a 20-year-old man consider doing something as cruel as going through a school? Being angry at one's parents, former teacher, etc., is one thing. Whether justifiable because of things in the past or not, one adult seeking to kill another adult is one thing. But, to go around and slaughter children?! That is something totally different. My faith informs me that all of us are imperfect and sinful beings. That is, our natures are corrupt since birth, seeking to gratify our felt desires. Through training, we can manage this to some extent, be we will always have this sinful nature. When we look around, we see some people who go to great lengths to disciple themselves so as to indulge their sinful desires less. But, we also see those who go out of their way to gratify them. Though many do not seek out ways so horrific as what happened on Friday, they still seek to gratify them.

For someone to choose to commit such a crime as shooting innocent children in a school, it seems that such a person would have had to harbor a very deep kind of bitterness for a very long time. In Ephesians 4:26, we read: "26 "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath," There is something very important to take away from this passage, I believe. When we allow anger to continue to fester in our hearts, it turns to bitterness. As this bitterness grows, it pushes out things like love, forgiveness, compassion, etc. As these things are pushed aside, out of one's life, it becomes more and more easy to consider things like taking one's anger out on anyone who is available, to just lash out. All of us feel angry at some point of time. That is a natural, God given emotion. It tells us that something is wrong (or at least feels wrong) and that something needs to be done. So, feeling angry is not bad, in and of itself. It's what a person does in expressing and/or deal with that anger that is either constructive or destructive.

From what little I have read, two of the victims appear to be his parents. It makes me wonder what his parents had done to enrage him so much. Or, a more likely issue is, what made this young man interpret things in such a way as to become so bitter. In a recent Fox News article, I read that some are speculating that mental illness might have something to do with his rampage. While in college, I took several psychology courses. One of the things that I learned from that is that reasons are never totally clear. Though there can be many influences, it's rarely clear as to what is a 'definite why.' My experiences and training inform me that we all have three facets, the physical, the emotional/psychological, and the spiritual. All three facets are interrelated and what happens to one directly impacts the other two.

On Facebook, I have read many posts about how angry people are about the man's actions in Connecticut. Some people blame guns, some blame education, others are just angry. Many people are struggling with wondering the "why did he?!?!" Others are asking how we could have protected the children.

I've worked corrections and military law enforcement. I am definitely not alone in wishing I could have done something. Being what my background is, I know that I could have done something. But, I often wonder if it would have been good enough? That is not a question I can really answer. Because of how many state and/or local laws are written, if I am not a law enforcement officer then I would not have been able to legally carry a weapon onto school grounds. That means, if I had been nearby and had the means to respond, I wonder if it would have been something that I could have done legally? I know that there are many out there that agree with me in that, were I there and had the means to have use whatever force necessary to stop this young man, I should have. However, I know that there are many out there who take the position that anything that, because I am not a civilian law enforcement officer, any use of a weapon on school property would be considered breaking the law. That is, I would be just as guilty of using a weapon on school grounds as the man shooting the children, teachers, etc.

When such events as this happen, we all struggle with how to understand it. We all struggle with how it could have been prevented and how to prevent future things from happening. There are no easy answers. There are no easy solutions, either. There are some things that are better than others, though.  One of the things that I read in the above-mentioned article was that the car and guns used in the rampage were all stolen. The car, the rifle, and the pistols were all owned by his mother, Nancy Lanza. Whether or not the young man suffered from any mental illness, it is clear that he stole weapons from someone else to use in his crimes. So, trying to justify more weapons control/bans is unfounded. He didn't buy them, he stole them. So far I have not read if he used the weapons to kill his mother or if he killed her by other means and then obtained the rifle and pistols. And to me, it doesn't really matter.

Although I am a military police officer with the Nebraska National Guard that does not mean that I can carry a firearm onto school grounds, with or without a CCW (concealed carry weapons) permit. There are so many people and places that are anti-gun that for those who choose to go through the training and application process for a CCW, it's difficult to be legally able to use that training. To me, that's sad. It also angers me. Many of us not only have a passion to help and protect others, even if that is not our primary job in life but have the training and experience to do so.

I don't know about others, but I would be very, very angry if any person who choose to risk their own life to stop someone like this shooter and were they prosecuted as a criminal because they also brought a firearm onto a school. Unfortunately, heroes like that are victimized because, in order to stop someone from committing a crime, they had to break a law. Instead of thanking the person for doing so, they are put in jail. It doesn't make any sense to me. Which is worse, carrying a firearm onto school grounds to stop an active shooter or the actions of the shooter? What is really justifiable? Which is a greater evil? We have Good Samaritan laws to protect those who try to save the lives of others. Why don't we have similar laws to protect citizen who would be willing to risk their own lives to protect others in a shooting situation?

I've been deployed to Iraq many times. I've studied Scripture for years and prayerfully seek God's help in applying it to my life. I have worked with convicted felons in a state prison, having to deal with some people who genuinely do not care about others, but only want to gratify their own selfish, even perverted, desires. I have also worked military law enforcement. I have been on a use of force team on numerous occasions because an inmate refused to follow the rules and force was necessary to correct the situation. I have had to spontaneously use force on a few occasions in order to protect myself or someone else. I have sat at the bedside of someone who was so distraught with life that they tried to commit suicide and had not succeeded. I have talked with friends and family members of someone who had suffered serious injure or had died because of a bad decision that they had made or because of someone else had. In some ways, all of these experiences help me to personally deal with such events. But, only so much.

All in all, I still struggle with such events. I am angry with the person who did such things. I am angry that people want to punish law abiding citizens who have not committed crimes just because someone else has. I am angry that there are those who would want to punish a person who would be willing to do anything and everything they possible could to protect the innocent because of how they stopped a criminal. I am saddened that young children were murdered by someone who, for whatever reasons, took his anger and bitterness out on them. I also want to understand how such a thing happened or how to prevent such a thing from happening in the future.

Many ask how a loving God could allow such a thing to happen. I do not know why. But, I do know that God is in control. What happened was evil. But, I do know that God can bring blessings out of it.  I know that many people will be very angry with the statement that I just made. That is fine with me. Looking back at my life, I know that I have made many bad decisions. We all have. But, God has shown me grace and helped me to learn from such mistakes. I know that God has done that in other people's lives. I also know that God can bring good out of this situation, too. For me, the big question is, are we going to seek to punish others for the sins/mistakes of one person, or are we going to seek how God wants to show us His Grace? Are we going to be willing to accept what God wants to give us or teach us? I don't have the answer for that either. I just hope and pray that whatever God wants to do with this event in my life, that I will be obedient. I pray that you, the reader, will do so as well.

RC