Suicide: A Serious Look

References (Military):
• Five Myths About Military Suicides
• Suicide in the Military
• The Truth About 22 Veteran Suicides A Day
References (Corrections):
• Suicide Among Corrections Officers: It’s Time for an Open Discussion
• Beating The Odds
• Prison Officers Need Help, But They Won’t Ask For It
• Correctional Suicides: Doing Time Takes its Toll
Suicide Prevention
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• Military One Source
• Suicide Prevention Program from Indian Health Service
• CDC Feature on Preventing Suicide
• Veterans Affairs Crisis Line/Resources

Honestly, this is a blog entry that I have been thinking about for almost 1 ½ years now. It is a topic that I am very concerned about, especially from a Military and Corrections standpoint. But, not exclusively. Let me start out by telling you a personal story…

Back in the mid ‘80s, my parents and I were living in Crestwood, KY. It was probably my senior year, sometime in the month of December. Though I don’t remember the exact date, I remember very clearly what I was doing. I was sitting in our living room and watching one of my favorite Christmas movies, “A Christmas Carol.” The version that I was watching was a black-and-white film, probably from the 1950’s. Like usual, I was totally engrossed with it. Then, the phone rang…
I got up and the woman on the line introduced herself as one of the members of our church, Pewee Valley Presbyterian Church. The reason for the call was to inform me that our pastor had committed suicide. I remember just standing there, numb, while I finished talking with the lady from our church. The pastor and I had become pretty good friends over the last year and a half, and had talked about quite a few things.

Here I was, getting ready to celebrate Christmas with my family and… Our pastor was gone… I remember hanging up the phone on the wall, standing there for a while, then I remember I had been watching one of my favorite Christmas movies, so I went back to the sofa to finish it. I am guessing that I was about half through. I just sat there watching for maybe 5 minutes. Then, I decided to just turn it off. I no longer felt like watching it. I just felt so numb… I can’t remember for sure what I did do after I got up and turned off the t.v., not that it mattered. I do remember feeling numb for a day or so.

A few years ago, I learned of the death of a friend of mine who used to work at Tecumseh State Correctional Institution. Todd and I had been friends for at least three years and really enjoyed working together and talking with each other. Todd had moved from Nebraska to Kansas and, from what I knew, was doing well. I knew that he had left Corrections because of issues that he had with some of the staff, as well as some of the Inmates. What I didn’t know was that, because of all the issues that he had been having, he had abused alcohol so much that his body essentially stopped working correctly and he died. He was born in 1966 and died in March of 2013. His sister had contacted me via Facebook to give me the sad news. She had known of our friendship even though we had never met. She also explained why Todd had died. ‘Feeling sad’ really didn’t describe how I felt.

I am sure that each of you reading this blog entry have been touched by suicide. I am sure each of you have been left wondering, “What went wrong?” Or maybe, “What should I have done differently?!” Or possibly “Why did I miss the warning signs?!” It is easy to not just think about those things, but to become focused on them.

People commit suicide for different reasons. Usually it is because they are trying to find a way stop the physical, emotional, or mental pain that they are feeling at the time. There have been many studies on why people commit suicide, and it is not what this blog is about.

I have been in the US Army (both Active Duty and with the Nebraska National Guard) for 15 years now. I have been with the Nebraska Department of Corrections for about 8 1/3 years now. Both of those are very high stress jobs. Although I am often thanked for my Service, not everyone understands the kind of experiences that I have had. Unfortunately, I rarely, if ever, get any kind of ‘thanks’ for my service in Corrections outside of my immediate family and close circle of friends.

I knew going into Corrections that it would probably be a ‘thankless’ job. Back in 2006 when I first started my Corrections training, Law Enforcement professionals were already been looked down upon. I knew that working in a prison would be a hard job to do, and many around me did not leave me disappointed. The stress that Custody (or Line) Staff have to deal with on a daily basis, plus a society that often misunderstand us or grossly dislikes us, can easily lead to lots of stress and the impression that there are few outlets out there for dealing with it. The same can be true for those in our Armed Forces.

The thing is, there are those out there who do genuinely care, both in Corrections and in the Military. In the Army, we have Peer-to-Peer trained soldiers and those who have had ASIST (Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training), myself being one who has both. Annually, those of us who work for the Nebraska Department of Corrections (NDCS) take refresher training on suicide prevention. Though it focuses more on dealing with Inmate suicide, the concepts there can be used with co-workers, too.

The thing is, there are many people out there who genuinely care. There are many people out there who want to help out. Even if they do not understand what you are going through, they still want to help and support you. The important thing is to keep asking, to keep searching for those who do care.

There are two analogies that I have learned concerning how things build up to wanting to commit suicide. The first one is the ‘blinders’ analogy. Have you ever seen a horse pulling a buggy? Over the eyes of the horse are what’s called ‘blinders.’ They are items to ‘blind’ the horse to things that are happening around it, keeping it focused straight ahead. As a person goes through life and stress and pain start building, a person can develop blinders that hinder him or her from seeing the ‘whole picture.’ As time goes on, he or she becomes more and more focused on the source of their pain (emotional, physical, etc.) and less and less on the options available. Maybe not the best analogy, but one that help.

Another good analogy that I found came from my ASIST training (site is https://www.livingworks.net/). Picture in your mind a dam with a large reservoir behind it, the canyon walls off to the sides in front of the dam, and then a pump house at the base. The reservoir symbolizes all that is in your mind (thoughts, feelings, memories, etc.). The pump house symbolizes the way that you process everything. The dam is, well, you. When a person is effectively regulating one’s emotions, thoughts, etc., the water behind the dam and the water coming out of the pump house work effectively. However, when there gets to be an excess of water within the reservoir and/or the pump house has problems regulating everything, cracks can start forming within the dam, water can start spilling out around the dam wall, the water can start flowing over the dam wall, etc. This can be a slow build up, caused by a traumatic event(s), created or aggravated by drug and/or alcohol abuse, etc. As the well becomes more and more overwhelmed, the odds of something ‘rash’ to deal with everything becomes more and more likely.

Again, these are only analogies. And I feel the need to emphasize that each and every one of us are dealing with different things in our lives. What may not really bother one person can greatly affect someone else. Some people thrive in environments of challenge, conflict, etc. Others excel and grow in areas of calm and quiet. We are all different, and we each react to things differently. But, no matter how difficult things may be, no matter how dark your life might seem right now, there are many out there who do care and want to help. And if one doesn’t understand what you are feeling or are not sure with how to help, the do want to help and at least walk with you during this challenging time. Keep searching and asking until one does help you.