This past week, I got a glimpse of hope for two families who were visiting the prison that I work at. For privacy reasons, I will not be sharing many details. However, I will share some basic things because I believe others need to see this glimpse.
Recently, there was the initial trial for an Inmate concerning a serious crime he had committed against another while in prison. The two families, the one of the accused and the one of the victim, were at the proceedings. From what I understand from my conversations with others, their interactions with each other in the courtroom was anything but cordial. In fact, the impression that I got was that it was pretty hostile.
Not long after the Inmate who had been arraigned returned, it was time to start processing the second session of visitors. As we were doing so, in walk two ladies who said something about being followed. I looked up perplexed, but then in walked two Sherriff’s Deputies, who immediately started talking with one the two ladies. A few moments later, another group of adults came in and I felt the tension rise very, very quickly. As the two groups talked, one Deputy stayed between the two groups, the other moved away to the side
the two groups were obviously struggling to keep things civil. And, I think I was not the only prison who thought things were going to "come to blows." Both Deputies were obviously tense, and I think most other visitors were getting nervous.
But then, something amazing happened. One woman said that she understands that the other woman was feeling deep loss and pain because... Then, the other woman acknowledged the pain that the other woman must be feeling. Though I sensed that these words were a little forced, I still got the sense that they were trying to be genuine and sincere. After this, my coworker started directing each group with what they could do as far as visiting went. The two groups then began to go their separate ways and the tension started to slowly ease.
From my experiences in ministry and with corrections, I know that both families will have a long, difficult journey ahead. Especially since the trial is just getting started. But, the impression that I got was that the two families were taking baby steps towards healing. In such an environment in which it happened, I definitely do feel that it was a miracle of God in progress, that He was slowly helping them with the healing process.
When a loved one is seriously hurt, betrayed, or even killed by someone else, often feels shock, confusion, and even rage. It is very easy for us to allow the pain, anger, loss, etc., to become bitterness. It is much harder to give the pain and anger to God and allow Him to help us forgive.
We cannot confuse forgiving others from allowing a Court of Law to hold other accountable for their actions. Forgiving them means that we allow God to take care of things, and that we let go of our need for revenge.
All of us have suffered pain from others. At times, we hold onto our own anger against ourselves because of things that we either did or failed to do. That is a part of life. The Good News is that Christ can bring healing and forgiveness into our lives. It might be a long and rocky road. But, I believe that it is worth it.
Showing posts with label broken. Show all posts
Showing posts with label broken. Show all posts
Monday, September 25, 2017
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Spring Thoughts
References:
• 2 Corinthians 5:11-21 NAS
• Galatians 6:10-18 NAS
The other day, my wife went outside to work in our yard. It is something that she really loves to do. In fact, if the weather is decent and there are not other pressing things to do, she will often work outside when given the chance. Although I enjoy being outside and enjoying nature, doing yard work, gardening, etc., are things that I do not enjoy at all. It is something that I really appreciate about my wife.
It is interesting to me that Easter is in the Spring. Interesting and awesome, in my opinion. Think about it. In Spring, we celebrate plants seemingly ‘come back to life.’ Grass becomes green again, deciduous trees start budding and new leaves come out, the days become warmer, the days become longer, flowers start to appear and bloom, etc. It can almost be like the world is ‘coming back to life!’
During Easter, we celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, Who was fully Man and fully Divine, so that our sins could be forgiven and we could have a new life. As Christians, we believe that so that a sinful person could have a personal relationship with a holy and righteous God, something had to atone for our sins. Because of God’s great and unfathomable love for us, He chose to take our place on that cross.
Think about it… A holy and righteous God cared so much for a fallen and rebellious people that He took our place! Here is a way to put it into context. Imagine a person who lives an abundant life, caring and loving others, lives with integrity, is always honest and speaks in a compassionate manner. Does this not sound like someone who you would want to emulate?
Now, say an evil man or woman, who has tortured and killed many people is finally arrested. This particular person is accused of torturing and killing more than 30 people who did noting wrong. In fact, this evil person went out of their way to find people who sought to live a good life to murder in very painful, even excruciating ways, making it last days if possible. This person is tried and found guilty and has earned the death penalty because of the horrendous crimes that he/she has committed. And, let’s assume that there is absolutely no question of his/her guilt because this person was so evil at heart that he/she videotaped many of their ‘sessions,’ DNA evidence clearly links this person to the numerous crimes, etc. You probably expect, even hope, that such a person would be “thrown in prison and that they throw away the key” at the very least, if not publicly execute him/her for all of the evil that he/she did.
Now, let’s say that the ‘righteous man,’ the outstanding citizen mentioned above, chooses to have compassion on this evil person, who is now pleading for mercy and swearing that he/she will totally change their ways. This ‘righteous person’ not only pleads with the judge for clemency for the wicked person, but voluntarily will take their place with the death sentence. If you were the judge, would you accept this man’s offer? If you were one of the victims of this ‘monster,’ would you be willing to accept the ‘righteous man’s offer’ to take place of the man or woman who was, without question, found guilty of torturing and killing your loved one?!
If this sounds to horrendous to consider, that’s the point. Because, whether or not we want to believe it, we are all like that ‘horrendous and evil killer.’ Why? Because in thought, word, and deed, we rebel against God’s authority in our lives and ‘murder’ others in our hearts by hating others. We all break each and every one of God’s 10 Commandments in thought, word, and deed, each and every day of our lives. Each of us.
As a holy and righteous God, when Adam and Eve first sinned, God would have been justified in permanently ending our existence right then and there. Or God could have chosen to have done nothing and allow us to perpetually live separated from Him in this life and in eternity. Instead, God allowed us to endure the consequences of our sins by being physically alive and spiritual dead until He could, at the right time, remove the consequences of our sins for those who trust in Him and His forgiving love. There is a cost for us, though. In exchange for receiving His free grace, God expects us to repent of our sins and to turn away from them. We are not alone in doing this, though. Upon repenting of our wickedness and receiving God’s love and grace, He in turn dwells within us via His Holy Spirit. In living through us, God helps us to change, learn and grow in faith and become more like Him.
Imagine that… Though we are broken, have wicked hearts with evil intentions, and by nature do not want to obey God, He wants to change us. That is what we celebrate this Easter. It’s not about colorfully decorated eggs, it’s not about a bunny delivering baskets (Hasenpfeffer, anyone?!), it’s about God taking our sins upon Himself so that we could live with Him for eternity.
• 2 Corinthians 5:11-21 NAS
• Galatians 6:10-18 NAS
The other day, my wife went outside to work in our yard. It is something that she really loves to do. In fact, if the weather is decent and there are not other pressing things to do, she will often work outside when given the chance. Although I enjoy being outside and enjoying nature, doing yard work, gardening, etc., are things that I do not enjoy at all. It is something that I really appreciate about my wife.
It is interesting to me that Easter is in the Spring. Interesting and awesome, in my opinion. Think about it. In Spring, we celebrate plants seemingly ‘come back to life.’ Grass becomes green again, deciduous trees start budding and new leaves come out, the days become warmer, the days become longer, flowers start to appear and bloom, etc. It can almost be like the world is ‘coming back to life!’
During Easter, we celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, Who was fully Man and fully Divine, so that our sins could be forgiven and we could have a new life. As Christians, we believe that so that a sinful person could have a personal relationship with a holy and righteous God, something had to atone for our sins. Because of God’s great and unfathomable love for us, He chose to take our place on that cross.
Think about it… A holy and righteous God cared so much for a fallen and rebellious people that He took our place! Here is a way to put it into context. Imagine a person who lives an abundant life, caring and loving others, lives with integrity, is always honest and speaks in a compassionate manner. Does this not sound like someone who you would want to emulate?
Now, say an evil man or woman, who has tortured and killed many people is finally arrested. This particular person is accused of torturing and killing more than 30 people who did noting wrong. In fact, this evil person went out of their way to find people who sought to live a good life to murder in very painful, even excruciating ways, making it last days if possible. This person is tried and found guilty and has earned the death penalty because of the horrendous crimes that he/she has committed. And, let’s assume that there is absolutely no question of his/her guilt because this person was so evil at heart that he/she videotaped many of their ‘sessions,’ DNA evidence clearly links this person to the numerous crimes, etc. You probably expect, even hope, that such a person would be “thrown in prison and that they throw away the key” at the very least, if not publicly execute him/her for all of the evil that he/she did.
Now, let’s say that the ‘righteous man,’ the outstanding citizen mentioned above, chooses to have compassion on this evil person, who is now pleading for mercy and swearing that he/she will totally change their ways. This ‘righteous person’ not only pleads with the judge for clemency for the wicked person, but voluntarily will take their place with the death sentence. If you were the judge, would you accept this man’s offer? If you were one of the victims of this ‘monster,’ would you be willing to accept the ‘righteous man’s offer’ to take place of the man or woman who was, without question, found guilty of torturing and killing your loved one?!
If this sounds to horrendous to consider, that’s the point. Because, whether or not we want to believe it, we are all like that ‘horrendous and evil killer.’ Why? Because in thought, word, and deed, we rebel against God’s authority in our lives and ‘murder’ others in our hearts by hating others. We all break each and every one of God’s 10 Commandments in thought, word, and deed, each and every day of our lives. Each of us.
As a holy and righteous God, when Adam and Eve first sinned, God would have been justified in permanently ending our existence right then and there. Or God could have chosen to have done nothing and allow us to perpetually live separated from Him in this life and in eternity. Instead, God allowed us to endure the consequences of our sins by being physically alive and spiritual dead until He could, at the right time, remove the consequences of our sins for those who trust in Him and His forgiving love. There is a cost for us, though. In exchange for receiving His free grace, God expects us to repent of our sins and to turn away from them. We are not alone in doing this, though. Upon repenting of our wickedness and receiving God’s love and grace, He in turn dwells within us via His Holy Spirit. In living through us, God helps us to change, learn and grow in faith and become more like Him.
Imagine that… Though we are broken, have wicked hearts with evil intentions, and by nature do not want to obey God, He wants to change us. That is what we celebrate this Easter. It’s not about colorfully decorated eggs, it’s not about a bunny delivering baskets (Hasenpfeffer, anyone?!), it’s about God taking our sins upon Himself so that we could live with Him for eternity.
Friday, March 10, 2017
Spring Cleaning and Memories
Over the last several months, my wife and I have been going through some of our many boxes and crates of things that we have collected over the years. We have been slowly going through things, trying to figure out what we still need and what we can get rid off. It's amazing how much 'stuff' can accumulate in just a few years time!
For some things, it is easy to determine if we want to keep it or not. Other things require a bit of thought. We often have to ask ourselves, "Do I really want to keep this? How important is it to me?"
As I have been going through things, many memories have been triggered. I came across some correspondence between my ex-wife and her family several weeks ago. A bit of a painful time in my life, so I did not keep it. I also have come across several different sets of things from when I was going through the ordination process with the Presbyterian Church (USA) and the United Methodist Church. Some of the things were important documents of schooling and evaluations that definitely needed to be kept. Some other things were not nearly that important. But all had to be evaluated.
I have also come across quite at bit from the different vacations that our family has been on together. Some of the brochures no longer needed to be kept. But, some of them did for when we can put a scrapbook together. Again, many different memories came to my mind.
Isn't it interesting how seeing something will trigger one or many different memories? An old letter from a close friend, a special gift from someone who has passed away, a certificate from something that was a major achievement, or an evaluation that was not very positive but still a growing experience? I have had many such experiences these last few months as I have been doing this. There have been a few times where I took a short break to contemplate the memories that an item brought back, even if they were not very pleasant.
One of the more pleasant memories surrounded a couple pages of a note that my "church grandma" had written me many years ago. Because my dad was a pastor and my mom sang in the choir, I had to sit with other people in the congregation during worship. I probably sat with three or four different couples or families on a regular basis, but one couple, the McCleods, were the ones that I sat with the most. In fact, Charles and Ethel McCleod became my 'church grandparents.' On many different occasions I would spend time with them while I was growing up in Kansas. Needless to say, a real flood of memories came back to me when I came across just one letter from them!
We all have memories that we deeply cherish, as well as ones that we would rather forget. But, all of those memories help to create who we are today. It has been my experience that God can use each of those memories in His plan for us. I know that this may come as a shock to some of you. But, God can, and often does, bring beauty out of our ashes. In fact, we may never know how He may use the different experiences that we have had. Nor may we fully realize what God does through us on this side of heaven.
At different points of our lives, we will have to go through the things that have accumulated in our lives. they are physical things or just emotions and memories themselves. How will we sort through them? What kind of criteria will we sue for what we want to keep and what we want to get rid of? At least with the physical things we can get rid of. The emotions and memories, especially the negative ones, not so easy. It is a challenge, is it not? For me, the hope is that God will take all of my experiences, from the wonderful to the extremely painful, and use them for His glory. As we prepare for Easter this Lenten season, perhaps that is something we all should prayerfully considering, how God might made beauty out of our ashes.
For some things, it is easy to determine if we want to keep it or not. Other things require a bit of thought. We often have to ask ourselves, "Do I really want to keep this? How important is it to me?"
As I have been going through things, many memories have been triggered. I came across some correspondence between my ex-wife and her family several weeks ago. A bit of a painful time in my life, so I did not keep it. I also have come across several different sets of things from when I was going through the ordination process with the Presbyterian Church (USA) and the United Methodist Church. Some of the things were important documents of schooling and evaluations that definitely needed to be kept. Some other things were not nearly that important. But all had to be evaluated.
I have also come across quite at bit from the different vacations that our family has been on together. Some of the brochures no longer needed to be kept. But, some of them did for when we can put a scrapbook together. Again, many different memories came to my mind.
Isn't it interesting how seeing something will trigger one or many different memories? An old letter from a close friend, a special gift from someone who has passed away, a certificate from something that was a major achievement, or an evaluation that was not very positive but still a growing experience? I have had many such experiences these last few months as I have been doing this. There have been a few times where I took a short break to contemplate the memories that an item brought back, even if they were not very pleasant.
One of the more pleasant memories surrounded a couple pages of a note that my "church grandma" had written me many years ago. Because my dad was a pastor and my mom sang in the choir, I had to sit with other people in the congregation during worship. I probably sat with three or four different couples or families on a regular basis, but one couple, the McCleods, were the ones that I sat with the most. In fact, Charles and Ethel McCleod became my 'church grandparents.' On many different occasions I would spend time with them while I was growing up in Kansas. Needless to say, a real flood of memories came back to me when I came across just one letter from them!
We all have memories that we deeply cherish, as well as ones that we would rather forget. But, all of those memories help to create who we are today. It has been my experience that God can use each of those memories in His plan for us. I know that this may come as a shock to some of you. But, God can, and often does, bring beauty out of our ashes. In fact, we may never know how He may use the different experiences that we have had. Nor may we fully realize what God does through us on this side of heaven.
At different points of our lives, we will have to go through the things that have accumulated in our lives. they are physical things or just emotions and memories themselves. How will we sort through them? What kind of criteria will we sue for what we want to keep and what we want to get rid of? At least with the physical things we can get rid of. The emotions and memories, especially the negative ones, not so easy. It is a challenge, is it not? For me, the hope is that God will take all of my experiences, from the wonderful to the extremely painful, and use them for His glory. As we prepare for Easter this Lenten season, perhaps that is something we all should prayerfully considering, how God might made beauty out of our ashes.
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Hole In My Heart
Many of us have lost someone that we love. Some to old age, some to disease, some to accidents, or a myriad of many other reasons. While in seminary, I did my CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) at the University of Louisville Hospital, a Level One Trauma hospital. During the summer course that I was there, I saw a very large range of injured people come in. Not all left alive. One thing that always struck me as 'interesting' was the fact that sometimes, the family were having a harder time dealing with a person's illness or injury than the patient his/herself.
The experiences that I had there have really stuck with me. In one night, July 4th of 1997, I was with three different families that lost a loved one. Each person faced the death of a loved one very differently.
Just like these other people, I have lost loved ones in my life. During my time here, I found out that someone I knew lost a close friend of his, and it had hit him really hard. Seeing how he struggled to make since with his friend's death, inspired the poem that I will be sharing here shortly. It is a summary, of sort, of the many times that I have lost a loved one. And each time left a 'hole in my heart.' It is something that time, God's Grace, and the love of others have helped to heal. So now they are scars and memories of people that I have loved and are no longer in my life. Please note that I am NOT bitter or struggling with emotional pain. Though I remember how it felt then, it is not how I feel about the memories now. One of the things that I am learning about being an INFJ is that I remember fewer of the details of things and remember more of how it 'made me feel.' It's how I am made.
I know that this poem might be a bit hard for some out there to read. If that's the case, then don't punish yourself and keep reading. Come back another time. I do hope that it can help some of you out there with dealing with a loss. You are not a lone. As many people have reminded me, there is always hope in life. Sometimes you just have to hunt for it.
A Hole In My Heart (25NOV2015)
Sitting down to watch a Christmas special, a yearly tradition…
A Christmas Carol, one that I love!
Always a call to love those around us.
The phone rings, a lady in my church speaks.
Our pastor was found dead.
Car in the garage, running…
I listen, I ask questions, I hang up…
The words now just mumblings.
No joy now in my favorite show.
A hole is now in my heart, a part taken way.
A person who I care for,
Someone who cared for me.
They are gone, but here I am,
Hurting, weeping,
or just stunned and numb.
The pain is real, the hole hurts,
but what can I do?
What can fill this hole?
Though I am adopted, I long to know
from where I came from,
who it was that created me.
After many years of waiting, I learn.
I meet the man and woman
who created me and tried to love me.
Though I was gone from their lives
for over 16 years, they had never stopped,
never stopped loving me.
A little time passed, biological mother struggled with her health.
She had a zeal for life
and love for others.
But one day, while in college,
a call came, I went numb.
One that I loved was no more.
Cindy was no longer with us,
and though I only knew her less than 2 years,
the hole in my heart was very, very real.
Being there to be a comfort to my family,
heart is aching,
a part has died.
Though I had known her just briefly
for just such a short time,
the pain sought to tear my heart in two!
After she was laid to rest, getting ready to go home,
heart burst, tears suddenly flowed,
I wept and mourned one I had hardly known.
What can I say? What can I do?
With every loss, every good-bye
there is another hole in my heart.
Many people love me. I love them.
Love helps me feel alive.
Love energizes me to help others.
People come, and then they go.
A love betrayed or one's death,
the result is yet another hole in my heart.
Each and every hole, put there by someone else.
Each hole is a love there no more.
Each hole is a permanent 'good-bye.'
Some are gone by choice,
theirs or mine.
But not all…
Some holes are there because
someone who loved me
is no longer alive.
As time goes by, eventually heal.
Kind of…
Sort of…
Over time the sharp pain becomes dull…
Though my heart heals over
there is still the scare of the hole.
Fresh experiences and fresh relationships
bring back love
and the fear of heartache to come.
For one thing I have learned
with every joyful friend,
for each who care for me,
They will eventually leave and be gone.
Be it death, betrayed friendship
or just fading off to the distance.
Every love, every relationship
will have its bitter end.
A hole in my heart.
With all the love and joy that I seek,
there is a bitter pill to take.
Do I even dare to do it again?
Another deep and powerful love arises,
one who wants to be my wife.
To cherish and to love!
But it is a deep love that is betrayed,
It cuts to the very core of my soul
a pain so beyond my words!
I weep, I shake with rage! Wrath!
I think of her, rage boils within!
Nothing can express how I feel!
I want reconciliation, a love to regrow…
Choices have been made,
The dye has been cast.
A marriage over, a grief of one dead
but yet still alive.
A grief beyond words!
Though I know that God loves me
that His love knows no bounds,
and that it is sacrificial...
It is hard to perceive, to understand…
When there are so many holes,
places of loss and of pain.
But yet, through time,
God helps me to move on,
past the brokenness and pain.
The experiences that I had there have really stuck with me. In one night, July 4th of 1997, I was with three different families that lost a loved one. Each person faced the death of a loved one very differently.
Just like these other people, I have lost loved ones in my life. During my time here, I found out that someone I knew lost a close friend of his, and it had hit him really hard. Seeing how he struggled to make since with his friend's death, inspired the poem that I will be sharing here shortly. It is a summary, of sort, of the many times that I have lost a loved one. And each time left a 'hole in my heart.' It is something that time, God's Grace, and the love of others have helped to heal. So now they are scars and memories of people that I have loved and are no longer in my life. Please note that I am NOT bitter or struggling with emotional pain. Though I remember how it felt then, it is not how I feel about the memories now. One of the things that I am learning about being an INFJ is that I remember fewer of the details of things and remember more of how it 'made me feel.' It's how I am made.
I know that this poem might be a bit hard for some out there to read. If that's the case, then don't punish yourself and keep reading. Come back another time. I do hope that it can help some of you out there with dealing with a loss. You are not a lone. As many people have reminded me, there is always hope in life. Sometimes you just have to hunt for it.
A Hole In My Heart (25NOV2015)
Sitting down to watch a Christmas special, a yearly tradition…
A Christmas Carol, one that I love!
Always a call to love those around us.
The phone rings, a lady in my church speaks.
Our pastor was found dead.
Car in the garage, running…
I listen, I ask questions, I hang up…
The words now just mumblings.
No joy now in my favorite show.
A hole is now in my heart, a part taken way.
A person who I care for,
Someone who cared for me.
They are gone, but here I am,
Hurting, weeping,
or just stunned and numb.
The pain is real, the hole hurts,
but what can I do?
What can fill this hole?
Though I am adopted, I long to know
from where I came from,
who it was that created me.
After many years of waiting, I learn.
I meet the man and woman
who created me and tried to love me.
Though I was gone from their lives
for over 16 years, they had never stopped,
never stopped loving me.
A little time passed, biological mother struggled with her health.
She had a zeal for life
and love for others.
But one day, while in college,
a call came, I went numb.
One that I loved was no more.
Cindy was no longer with us,
and though I only knew her less than 2 years,
the hole in my heart was very, very real.
Being there to be a comfort to my family,
heart is aching,
a part has died.
Though I had known her just briefly
for just such a short time,
the pain sought to tear my heart in two!
After she was laid to rest, getting ready to go home,
heart burst, tears suddenly flowed,
I wept and mourned one I had hardly known.
What can I say? What can I do?
With every loss, every good-bye
there is another hole in my heart.
Many people love me. I love them.
Love helps me feel alive.
Love energizes me to help others.
People come, and then they go.
A love betrayed or one's death,
the result is yet another hole in my heart.
Each and every hole, put there by someone else.
Each hole is a love there no more.
Each hole is a permanent 'good-bye.'
Some are gone by choice,
theirs or mine.
But not all…
Some holes are there because
someone who loved me
is no longer alive.
As time goes by, eventually heal.
Kind of…
Sort of…
Over time the sharp pain becomes dull…
Though my heart heals over
there is still the scare of the hole.
Fresh experiences and fresh relationships
bring back love
and the fear of heartache to come.
For one thing I have learned
with every joyful friend,
for each who care for me,
They will eventually leave and be gone.
Be it death, betrayed friendship
or just fading off to the distance.
Every love, every relationship
will have its bitter end.
A hole in my heart.
With all the love and joy that I seek,
there is a bitter pill to take.
Do I even dare to do it again?
Another deep and powerful love arises,
one who wants to be my wife.
To cherish and to love!
But it is a deep love that is betrayed,
It cuts to the very core of my soul
a pain so beyond my words!
I weep, I shake with rage! Wrath!
I think of her, rage boils within!
Nothing can express how I feel!
I want reconciliation, a love to regrow…
Choices have been made,
The dye has been cast.
A marriage over, a grief of one dead
but yet still alive.
A grief beyond words!
Though I know that God loves me
that His love knows no bounds,
and that it is sacrificial...
It is hard to perceive, to understand…
When there are so many holes,
places of loss and of pain.
But yet, through time,
God helps me to move on,
past the brokenness and pain.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
A Disturbing Trend
References:
- Rambo: First Blood (movie currently on Netflix)
- Romans 8:28-39 NAS
- Hebrews 12:1-3 NAS
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NAS
I bet you are wondering why I would use a movie such as “Rambo: First Blood” as a reference for one of my posts. That is a good question. It is, after all, a violent war movie. Although it came out when I was in grade school, I have not watched it until now. Hard to believe, huh? But, I am glad that I did. And, by the time you finish reading this blog entry, I hope you understand why I would use it as a reference.
Tomorrow, on August 10th, there will be a Suicide Awareness 5K Fun Run/Walk. It's to help bring awareness of suicide amongst military veterans. You see, we have a very, very challenging job to do. Just like law enforcement, fire fighting, working in corrections, being a soldier can have a very high physical, emotional and spiritual toll. I took a couple of minutes and Googled suicide amongst veterans. It's almost heartbreaking…
The statistics are pretty varied. According to "The Truth About 22 Veteran Suicides A Day,” by Stacy Bare on June 2, 2015, it is believed that the statistics are only one veteran committing suicide each day. However, another article, “Why suicide rate among veterans may be more than 22 a day,” by Moni Basu, CNN, last edited on 1708 GMT (0108 HKT) November 14, 2013, estimates the statistics to actually be higher. It all depends on where you collect your data, during what time periods, what demographics you use, etc. But one thing we can agree on in general, suicide rates amongst veterans is very high.
I have three deployments to Iraq under my belt. That is more than quite a few people, but a lot less than many others. While I have been near several gunfights and car bombs, I have not actually been in one. The thing is, though, even if you are 200 meters from a car bomb and behind concrete walls, the sound is deafening, you still feel the blast wave, you still wonder “What the hell was that?!” In fact, not only was there a car bomb near where I was at, but several grenades and a lot of automatic fire. It was an attack on a gate not far from where I was at. The terrorist attack upon the Iraqi soldiers was repelled, thankfully. But it was still an attack near where I was.
I have worked with the Nebraska Department of Corrections for over 7 years. I have been a first responder on many occasions to fights, medical emergencies, and attempted suicides. On some occasions I played a support role. On other occasions I was involved with dealing with the situation. There have been times where I have been the team leader for the situation. Each of the situations have left a significant impression on me, and the others who had to respond. Most of the situations were resolved in a good way. But, there were other situations where things did not turn out well.
In my time studying for ministry, being the military, and working in corrections, I have learned many things. One of the things I have learned is that a significant event (like being in an accident, attacked by someone, being attacked by an animal, etc.) affects different people in different ways. For one person, an event may be disturbing, but he or she has no lasting problems. But, someone else can experience years of problems from the exact same situation. Everyone deals with stress differently.
While I was pastoring two United Methodist churches in Nebraska, one individual that I spoke with on several occasions was a former Vietnam Vet. He had felt disconnected from many churches for a variety reason, but his experiences in Vietnam was one. While others had ministered to him in the past, they were not able to connect with him. This was because they could not understand the framework that he had. Although I had not been in combat myself, I still had similar experiences from my deployments. This helped me to connect with him in a positive way.
In the movie, “Rambo: First Blood,” John Rambo is a former Captain and Green Beret. At the beginning of the movie, we see John Rambo trying to reconnect with a former member of his team. Although the widow has to tell him several times, Rambo finally realizes that his friend was dead. We find out later on that he was the last one on his team. Now, John Rambo is the last of this elite team. And, because Sheriff Teasle treats him shamefully, John chooses to be confrontational. Of course, things will not end well because of this.
At one point, about 66 minutes into the movie, we see Colonel (COL) Trautman sitting in a bar. He was John Rambo's former Commander while in Vietnam. Sheriff Teasle sees him, accepts Trautman's invitation to sit with him, and they talk. During this conversation when it is believed that Rambo has been killed, Teasle admits that he had really wanted to kill Rambo himself. Teasle statistically asks COL Trautman, “What would you have done with him if he came in? Would you wrap your arms around him, give him a big sloppy kiss? Or would you have blown his brains out?” Trautman pauses several seconds, then finally says, “I couldn't answer that until I met him face to face.”
Ironically, at the end of the movie, COL Trautman is able to confront Rambo when he is about ready to shoot Sheriff Teasle. Although it isn't immediate, Rambo finally starts listening to COL Trautman. Then something surprising happens. Here is this highly trained warrior suddenly breaking down. Rambo starts talking about his experiences, including one of his team members being killed by an explosion. Except this person wasn't killed immediately. Rambo tries to save him, but his soldier literately dies in his arms. A loved one being mortally injured and dying in your arms, that is really going to affect you. And from the flashbacks you see Rambo having, we know that he had many traumatic events during his service.
When a person is deeply affected by a traumatic event and they develop PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), it can seriously disrupt how a person is able to deal with life. You can read more about PTSD at the VA website and the Mayo Clinic. Not every soldier who deploys develops PTSD. Not every soldier who has PTSD has deployed. Many people in Law Enforcement, are First Responders/EMTs, and every day citizens develop PTSD because of events that they directly experience or witness. Although such events affect each person differently, the effects are felt none-the-less.
Although the events in “Rambo: First Blood” are fictitious, they do reflect what some people go through. COL Trautman was able to reach out to and connect with John Rambo at the end of the movie. But, not until after one man was killed and many others were injured. And then there's the great cost of property damage. The actions of two people at the beginning of the movie, John Rambo and Sheriff Teasle, have devastating consequences. In real life, there are just as much physical and emotional damage. There are many people who have served in the military and experienced traumatic events. When they come home, they not only have to deal with the trauma that they experienced, they have to also deal with the stigma of mental illness, the sigma of seeking help, and the negative perceptions that some people still have towards those who serve.
Being more introverted, I internalize a lot. I have to be very mindful of this and purposefully unwind and decompress. And there have been times where I had to talk with a close friend or a Chaplain to 'take that step back' so that I can better see things for what they really are. When one is under stress, it is very, very easy to develop blinders to all that is going on around you. You can very easily got focused on the thing or situation that is causing stress. When one has problems like PTSD, dealing with such situations become even more difficult.
Life can be extremely challenging at times. There are times where events can seem very overwhelming. At times we have to be like a marathon runner, enduring the difficulties. But, we should not try to deal with extreme situations on our own. I cannot understand everything someone else has gone through because I am not that person. I did not experience what they did the way they did. However, that doesn't mean I cannot listen and share the burden. The Ecclesiastes passage makes clear how important it is to have someone be there and help you. Being more introverted, I recharge best during my alone time. Whether it's through reading, writing, drawing, or just listening to music, I recharge best alone. For those who are more extroverted, they recharge as they interact with others. Neither is better, just different. The thing is, I still am a social person and need to interact with others. There are time where I need to talk with others about things that are bothering me. There are times where I need to use someone else as a sounding board to better 'take a step back' from a situation.
- Rambo: First Blood (movie currently on Netflix)
- Romans 8:28-39 NAS
- Hebrews 12:1-3 NAS
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NAS
I bet you are wondering why I would use a movie such as “Rambo: First Blood” as a reference for one of my posts. That is a good question. It is, after all, a violent war movie. Although it came out when I was in grade school, I have not watched it until now. Hard to believe, huh? But, I am glad that I did. And, by the time you finish reading this blog entry, I hope you understand why I would use it as a reference.
Tomorrow, on August 10th, there will be a Suicide Awareness 5K Fun Run/Walk. It's to help bring awareness of suicide amongst military veterans. You see, we have a very, very challenging job to do. Just like law enforcement, fire fighting, working in corrections, being a soldier can have a very high physical, emotional and spiritual toll. I took a couple of minutes and Googled suicide amongst veterans. It's almost heartbreaking…
The statistics are pretty varied. According to "The Truth About 22 Veteran Suicides A Day,” by Stacy Bare on June 2, 2015, it is believed that the statistics are only one veteran committing suicide each day. However, another article, “Why suicide rate among veterans may be more than 22 a day,” by Moni Basu, CNN, last edited on 1708 GMT (0108 HKT) November 14, 2013, estimates the statistics to actually be higher. It all depends on where you collect your data, during what time periods, what demographics you use, etc. But one thing we can agree on in general, suicide rates amongst veterans is very high.
I have three deployments to Iraq under my belt. That is more than quite a few people, but a lot less than many others. While I have been near several gunfights and car bombs, I have not actually been in one. The thing is, though, even if you are 200 meters from a car bomb and behind concrete walls, the sound is deafening, you still feel the blast wave, you still wonder “What the hell was that?!” In fact, not only was there a car bomb near where I was at, but several grenades and a lot of automatic fire. It was an attack on a gate not far from where I was at. The terrorist attack upon the Iraqi soldiers was repelled, thankfully. But it was still an attack near where I was.
I have worked with the Nebraska Department of Corrections for over 7 years. I have been a first responder on many occasions to fights, medical emergencies, and attempted suicides. On some occasions I played a support role. On other occasions I was involved with dealing with the situation. There have been times where I have been the team leader for the situation. Each of the situations have left a significant impression on me, and the others who had to respond. Most of the situations were resolved in a good way. But, there were other situations where things did not turn out well.
In my time studying for ministry, being the military, and working in corrections, I have learned many things. One of the things I have learned is that a significant event (like being in an accident, attacked by someone, being attacked by an animal, etc.) affects different people in different ways. For one person, an event may be disturbing, but he or she has no lasting problems. But, someone else can experience years of problems from the exact same situation. Everyone deals with stress differently.
While I was pastoring two United Methodist churches in Nebraska, one individual that I spoke with on several occasions was a former Vietnam Vet. He had felt disconnected from many churches for a variety reason, but his experiences in Vietnam was one. While others had ministered to him in the past, they were not able to connect with him. This was because they could not understand the framework that he had. Although I had not been in combat myself, I still had similar experiences from my deployments. This helped me to connect with him in a positive way.
In the movie, “Rambo: First Blood,” John Rambo is a former Captain and Green Beret. At the beginning of the movie, we see John Rambo trying to reconnect with a former member of his team. Although the widow has to tell him several times, Rambo finally realizes that his friend was dead. We find out later on that he was the last one on his team. Now, John Rambo is the last of this elite team. And, because Sheriff Teasle treats him shamefully, John chooses to be confrontational. Of course, things will not end well because of this.
At one point, about 66 minutes into the movie, we see Colonel (COL) Trautman sitting in a bar. He was John Rambo's former Commander while in Vietnam. Sheriff Teasle sees him, accepts Trautman's invitation to sit with him, and they talk. During this conversation when it is believed that Rambo has been killed, Teasle admits that he had really wanted to kill Rambo himself. Teasle statistically asks COL Trautman, “What would you have done with him if he came in? Would you wrap your arms around him, give him a big sloppy kiss? Or would you have blown his brains out?” Trautman pauses several seconds, then finally says, “I couldn't answer that until I met him face to face.”
Ironically, at the end of the movie, COL Trautman is able to confront Rambo when he is about ready to shoot Sheriff Teasle. Although it isn't immediate, Rambo finally starts listening to COL Trautman. Then something surprising happens. Here is this highly trained warrior suddenly breaking down. Rambo starts talking about his experiences, including one of his team members being killed by an explosion. Except this person wasn't killed immediately. Rambo tries to save him, but his soldier literately dies in his arms. A loved one being mortally injured and dying in your arms, that is really going to affect you. And from the flashbacks you see Rambo having, we know that he had many traumatic events during his service.
When a person is deeply affected by a traumatic event and they develop PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), it can seriously disrupt how a person is able to deal with life. You can read more about PTSD at the VA website and the Mayo Clinic. Not every soldier who deploys develops PTSD. Not every soldier who has PTSD has deployed. Many people in Law Enforcement, are First Responders/EMTs, and every day citizens develop PTSD because of events that they directly experience or witness. Although such events affect each person differently, the effects are felt none-the-less.
Although the events in “Rambo: First Blood” are fictitious, they do reflect what some people go through. COL Trautman was able to reach out to and connect with John Rambo at the end of the movie. But, not until after one man was killed and many others were injured. And then there's the great cost of property damage. The actions of two people at the beginning of the movie, John Rambo and Sheriff Teasle, have devastating consequences. In real life, there are just as much physical and emotional damage. There are many people who have served in the military and experienced traumatic events. When they come home, they not only have to deal with the trauma that they experienced, they have to also deal with the stigma of mental illness, the sigma of seeking help, and the negative perceptions that some people still have towards those who serve.
Being more introverted, I internalize a lot. I have to be very mindful of this and purposefully unwind and decompress. And there have been times where I had to talk with a close friend or a Chaplain to 'take that step back' so that I can better see things for what they really are. When one is under stress, it is very, very easy to develop blinders to all that is going on around you. You can very easily got focused on the thing or situation that is causing stress. When one has problems like PTSD, dealing with such situations become even more difficult.
Life can be extremely challenging at times. There are times where events can seem very overwhelming. At times we have to be like a marathon runner, enduring the difficulties. But, we should not try to deal with extreme situations on our own. I cannot understand everything someone else has gone through because I am not that person. I did not experience what they did the way they did. However, that doesn't mean I cannot listen and share the burden. The Ecclesiastes passage makes clear how important it is to have someone be there and help you. Being more introverted, I recharge best during my alone time. Whether it's through reading, writing, drawing, or just listening to music, I recharge best alone. For those who are more extroverted, they recharge as they interact with others. Neither is better, just different. The thing is, I still am a social person and need to interact with others. There are time where I need to talk with others about things that are bothering me. There are times where I need to use someone else as a sounding board to better 'take a step back' from a situation.
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