Thoughts flowing freely, unhindered, carefree;
going this way, that way,
unhindered and free.
Anger and frustration, mine or soaked up?
Now they ease, fade to the distance,
thoughts and feelings are now more clear…
Time passes, not paying attention…
Stresses and frustration, mine or others,
are finally fading away.
Sometimes I go for a long walk.
Sometimes I read, sometimes watch tv.
Sometimes, only in quiet stillness they leave.
Although through the day, talking and interacting,
things build up, they're soaked up.
Now, processed, examined, set free.
Many times I spend long hours
trying to sort through all that I feelings
examining this way and that.
At times I will rehearse conversations,
trying different approaches,
hearing their voices, feeling their mannerisms…
Trying out different ideas, mental role-playing,
knowing their patters, their tendencies…
How to address? Is it worth it?
Seconding guessing all these thoughts,
present plans, future plans…
What will work? Will it all fail?
While walking, while resting, while sleeping or eating,
my thoughts will often wonder
this way, that way, where ever.
From past conversations to future expectations
they are examined, processed
no mental stone left unturned.
Good possibilities, bad possibilities,
all are considered, analyzed.
Which one more? God only knows!
Approached by someone, asked if I have a little time.
A heart hurts, mind is confused,
or a burdened needs to be shared.
Sometimes this is totally expected.
Other times a great surprise.
But helping is my calling, so listen I will.
I listen to their words, spoken or not.
Sense their emotions, even draw them in.
I filter all they share, through heart and mind.
As time goes by, conversation wanes.
They feel calmer, heart is lighter.
Do I have anything wise to say?
Their problems, experiences, sorted and sifted,
and analyzed within my mind.
Thoughts and feelings, mesh with mine.
A thought, an idea, or even my own deeds,
sifted through, maybe shared,
or just gentle quiet of a burden shared.
We part and I continue sifting and sorting,
their thoughts, feelings I felt, even absorbed.
Gradually the mess is made into sense.
Though I rejoice that a life was touched,
God has blessed through me,
I am tired, or even exhausted.
My day is still young, much yet to do.
A silent prayer for guidance, energy, focus;
till I can finally, fully rest.
RC Underwood
20SEP2015
Sunday, September 20, 2015
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Cultural and Respect
References:
- Acts 17:16-34 NAS
- 1 Corinthians 9:16-27 NAS
- Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
- Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
- The Kingdom (2007)
I love a good, thought provoking movie, as well as a good action movie or a good thriller. For me, the movie has to have depth. I want to be touched by the message of the movie, not just something meaningless to watch. Yes, I am a bit picky about what movies I watch. Each of us has our own preferences. A movie that I have just recently added to my “very much enjoy list” is “Lawrence of Arabia.” This movie has a similar theme to other two movies that I really enjoy, “Kingdom of Heaven” and “The Kingdom.” But, I will get to that in a few minutes.
In the passage from Acts, we see Paul and Silas were traveling together on Paul's second missionary trip (Acts 15:36-41) and were currently in Athens, Greece. Paul sees all sorts of idols, including any empty pedestal, and uses them as a springboard for preaching to the local populace in a manner that they could understand. In the 1 Corinthians passage referenced above, we see Paul's strategy a little more in depth. He seeks to understand the culture that he is working in, and then uses that to inform how he teaches them about Christ. He doesn't change the Message of the Gospel, just how he explains it and how he lives amongst them. He does that so that they can understand who Christ Jesus is.
You see, each of us view life through the lens of our unique blend of culture, heritage, and experiences. All of this informs us how to view life. It's the framework that we use in order to understand the world around us. Not only does each country have its own unique culture, but communities within the same country have different forms of culture. Although a whole nation may share some similar cultural features, different areas within the same country will differ somewhat. Local customs, dialects, and unique histories vary greatly from place to place.
Besides the United States, I have experienced the local cultures of Europe and some parts of Iraq. Through visiting distant relatives in Europe and spending a semester in Strasbourg, France, I have a lot of first hand experience with European cultures. I have been able to see local history, experienced local traditions, and visited with many different people. This personal experience, combined with basic knowledge of the German language and history, has opened many doors for me. Whether traveling on a train, sitting in a restaurant, or some other environment, I have been blessed with some fascinating conversations with German people. There have been awkward times where neither of us had enough vocabulary to express all that we wanted to say. But yet, we strove to understand and to be understood.
My experience with the Iraqi culture is a bit more limited. But, especially during my third deployment in 2010-11, I did get to interact with some of the business, government and military leaders in Baghdad. That was because of my job with creating vehicle security passes for vehicles within the International Zone. Not only did I get to interact with some of the Iraqi citizens, but I also got to interact with many of the members of the different embassies. Although I had many positive experiences working with each of them, one situation in particular really stands out with me.
One of the PSD (Personal Security Detail) teams that I worked with was from the Korean Embassy. While in high school, college, and in seminary, I have gotten to know many people from different Asian countries. Because of these experiences, both good and bad, I had fairly good idea of what I should do. When they came to the door, I stood up, walked towards them, and then bowed to them. I acknowledged them according to their culture. They hesitated a moment, then returned the bow. We then got down to business. For whatever reason, they had to leave and return. When they came back a few days later, they literately stood at the door and politely told the OIC (Officer in Charge) that they would like to talk with me. They then patiently waited for me to be ready. Because of the way I had shown them respect, they went out of their way to show me respect.
Over the years, I have talked with many people from different countries while they were either visiting or studying in the United States. While many people do try to show respect to them, it is unfortunate that others within the US do not. This happens while Americans have traveled to different countries to visit and while foreigners have visited the US. Sometimes it's because someone just does not have any experience with other cultures and doesn't understand the differences. There are so many different cultures out there that it would be impossible to understand them all. And most foreigners visiting or studying here understand that. But, there is a big difference between not understanding because of no experience, and not even trying.
Each of the three movies have a common theme. Major world events caused two different cultures to have to work together. In each of the movies, each side had their cultural stereotypes of the other. These stereotypes caused a lot of friction and frustration initially. But, during the movie, people on both sides made the attempt to try and understand the others' perspective, while seeking to more clearly explaining their own. It took time, patience, and a lot of work. But, by the end of the movie, their work paved the way for a lot of mutual respect and learning. In working together, they were able to accomplish a lot of awesome things. Something they could not have accomplished separately.
There have been many times where, in trying to interact with someone of another culture, I 'put my foot into my mouth.' I have made mistakes. I have also striven to learn from those mistakes so that I can better interact with people from a different culture. It is not easy. What is normal in some cultures can be offensive to others. These are easy to find. However, will we strive to set aside the things that we find distasteful and annoying and seek common ground? That is something each and every one of us will have to decide when the time comes. For those of us who follow Christ, we are His ambassadors to this world. How shall we live this out?
- Acts 17:16-34 NAS
- 1 Corinthians 9:16-27 NAS
- Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
- Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
- The Kingdom (2007)
I love a good, thought provoking movie, as well as a good action movie or a good thriller. For me, the movie has to have depth. I want to be touched by the message of the movie, not just something meaningless to watch. Yes, I am a bit picky about what movies I watch. Each of us has our own preferences. A movie that I have just recently added to my “very much enjoy list” is “Lawrence of Arabia.” This movie has a similar theme to other two movies that I really enjoy, “Kingdom of Heaven” and “The Kingdom.” But, I will get to that in a few minutes.
In the passage from Acts, we see Paul and Silas were traveling together on Paul's second missionary trip (Acts 15:36-41) and were currently in Athens, Greece. Paul sees all sorts of idols, including any empty pedestal, and uses them as a springboard for preaching to the local populace in a manner that they could understand. In the 1 Corinthians passage referenced above, we see Paul's strategy a little more in depth. He seeks to understand the culture that he is working in, and then uses that to inform how he teaches them about Christ. He doesn't change the Message of the Gospel, just how he explains it and how he lives amongst them. He does that so that they can understand who Christ Jesus is.
You see, each of us view life through the lens of our unique blend of culture, heritage, and experiences. All of this informs us how to view life. It's the framework that we use in order to understand the world around us. Not only does each country have its own unique culture, but communities within the same country have different forms of culture. Although a whole nation may share some similar cultural features, different areas within the same country will differ somewhat. Local customs, dialects, and unique histories vary greatly from place to place.
Besides the United States, I have experienced the local cultures of Europe and some parts of Iraq. Through visiting distant relatives in Europe and spending a semester in Strasbourg, France, I have a lot of first hand experience with European cultures. I have been able to see local history, experienced local traditions, and visited with many different people. This personal experience, combined with basic knowledge of the German language and history, has opened many doors for me. Whether traveling on a train, sitting in a restaurant, or some other environment, I have been blessed with some fascinating conversations with German people. There have been awkward times where neither of us had enough vocabulary to express all that we wanted to say. But yet, we strove to understand and to be understood.
My experience with the Iraqi culture is a bit more limited. But, especially during my third deployment in 2010-11, I did get to interact with some of the business, government and military leaders in Baghdad. That was because of my job with creating vehicle security passes for vehicles within the International Zone. Not only did I get to interact with some of the Iraqi citizens, but I also got to interact with many of the members of the different embassies. Although I had many positive experiences working with each of them, one situation in particular really stands out with me.
One of the PSD (Personal Security Detail) teams that I worked with was from the Korean Embassy. While in high school, college, and in seminary, I have gotten to know many people from different Asian countries. Because of these experiences, both good and bad, I had fairly good idea of what I should do. When they came to the door, I stood up, walked towards them, and then bowed to them. I acknowledged them according to their culture. They hesitated a moment, then returned the bow. We then got down to business. For whatever reason, they had to leave and return. When they came back a few days later, they literately stood at the door and politely told the OIC (Officer in Charge) that they would like to talk with me. They then patiently waited for me to be ready. Because of the way I had shown them respect, they went out of their way to show me respect.
Over the years, I have talked with many people from different countries while they were either visiting or studying in the United States. While many people do try to show respect to them, it is unfortunate that others within the US do not. This happens while Americans have traveled to different countries to visit and while foreigners have visited the US. Sometimes it's because someone just does not have any experience with other cultures and doesn't understand the differences. There are so many different cultures out there that it would be impossible to understand them all. And most foreigners visiting or studying here understand that. But, there is a big difference between not understanding because of no experience, and not even trying.
Each of the three movies have a common theme. Major world events caused two different cultures to have to work together. In each of the movies, each side had their cultural stereotypes of the other. These stereotypes caused a lot of friction and frustration initially. But, during the movie, people on both sides made the attempt to try and understand the others' perspective, while seeking to more clearly explaining their own. It took time, patience, and a lot of work. But, by the end of the movie, their work paved the way for a lot of mutual respect and learning. In working together, they were able to accomplish a lot of awesome things. Something they could not have accomplished separately.
There have been many times where, in trying to interact with someone of another culture, I 'put my foot into my mouth.' I have made mistakes. I have also striven to learn from those mistakes so that I can better interact with people from a different culture. It is not easy. What is normal in some cultures can be offensive to others. These are easy to find. However, will we strive to set aside the things that we find distasteful and annoying and seek common ground? That is something each and every one of us will have to decide when the time comes. For those of us who follow Christ, we are His ambassadors to this world. How shall we live this out?
Friday, September 18, 2015
Sensing God Speaking
References:
- 1 Kings 19:9-13 NAS
I don't know about any of you out there, but growing up I was teased quite a bit. Because I was introverted, have always had a very vivid imagination, didn't care to hang out with big groups of people, and wasn't all that interested in sports, many kids made fun of me. They could not understand why I did not want to be like them. Although it sometimes hurt a lot, I always felt that I needed to be true to who I was, even if I didn't fully understand it.
One of the benefits of being an INFJ is the 'internal compass' that I possess. Since I more often make decisions on 'what feels right' instead of 'facts,' this 'internal compass' features prominently in my decision making process. That is not to say that I don't consider facts, I definitely do. But, my instincts, or the 'internal compass,' is what I used to make a final decision. Usually the facts and my instincts agree. Sometimes, though, they don't.
After I gave my life to Christ in 1994, I slowly realized that God would use my instincts to direct me to do things. It was His way of speaking to me. Almost like a voice at times. Not a voice I could hear, but a 'voice I could just feel.' Sometimes it was direction to speak with someone, sometimes it would be direction to address something in a class, other times it was “just be quiet for now...” Whether I understood it or not, I strove to respond as I felt God directing me.
This 'listening to my instincts' is not an easy thing to do. Especially when one typically 'feels' his environment as he or she is looking at it. It is an on going challenge to discern what I actually feel, what I am gathering from my environment, as well as what I am seeing. On top of that, what people say and/or do doesn't always match up with what I am perceiving. This is particularly frustrating. Since what I am perceiving isn't something that can be measured, many people blow it off. This can make any sensing person wondering if they are perceiving things right.
Because of challenges in seminary and how things are typically done in the military, I started relying on my intuition less and less. Instead I focused more and more on just my other senses, like sight, touch, hearing, etc. For years I did this and did okay. Since I trusted my 'sixth sense' less and less, I became less and less aware of it. However, one thing that I could not turn off was the fact that I could sense how people were feeling. Although I might be ignoring these cues, I still could feel it.
During this time, I couldn't understand why some days would leave me so extremely exhausted. I would work with someone who was extremely upset or frustrated, and then I would feel that way for hours afterward. There were times I was having a really good day, but then I would either have to work with someone who was really upset about something, or just be near him or her for a while. Not always, but many times, I would start feeling that way and just couldn't understand it.
Eventually I left Active Duty and sought a career in the civilian world. Although I did not want to work for the Nebraska Department of Corrections, I eventually did apply and was subsequently hired. It was a difficult job for me, but one I could do. Through out this time, I would prayerfully ask God to help me “walk by the Spirit.” That is, to listen carefully to what God was speaking to my heart/spirit, and then to respond as He directed me. What I didn't realize then, but am better understanding now, is that since I had been pushing aside my instincts, I was making it more difficult to sense what God wanted to tell me.
Over the years, there were times where I paid more attention to God's nudges via my instincts. But, it was more often that I didn't. Since both Corrections and Military Law Enforcement stress facts, that is what I focused on. And I continued to have stressful days that should have been good. But yet, I would come home from work either angry or depressed for no reason that I could think of. Or, I would just feel so emotionally exhausted that I had to rest for hours.
One afternoon, maybe two years ago now, I was driving to work and spending some time in focused prayer. I had learned many years before that I really needed to have this quality time with God to physically, emotionally and spiritually prepare myself for the day ahead. During this particular day, I found myself praying to God, “help me feel Your leading, help me listen to my instincts.” Maybe not the exact working, but that is essentially what I prayed. And, I was a bit surprised by that prayer. But, I decided to take a leap of faith and try to listen to my instincts.
What I experienced over the next several weeks as I prayerfully did this is hard to explain. I know it wasn't all at once. But, over time, I started getting impressions of things around me that may or may not match what I was seeing or hearing. But, as I walked in faith, I slowly started better perceiving things around me. Honestly, it is hard to describe it. I will be walking and feel the sense that I need to go to a certain area. Or, I will be watching what is going on around me and all of a sudden my hearing will focus on what someone a ways away is saying. There are times where I will be talking with an inmate or a staff member and just 'know' whether or not they are being honest with me. This is even if they are biting back sarcasm or feeling hurt. I still don't quite know how or why I know, I just due.
Some days, I sense more of what I should write. Sometimes it is what I should say to a person. Or, I will see a person and quickly discern what mood they are in. Other times I will be looking for someone and instinctively know where to go. Other times, I won't sense much at all. Some days I will sense how people are feeling around me, other times I will feel next to nothing. I really don't understand why that is. Perhaps it's God's way of protecting me from being overwhelmed? Maybe my senses know when they need to be active? I really don't know.
About a week ago, I started researching my personality type. As I did, things started to better make sense. Now I better understand why other peoples' emotions can affect me so much. Or, that I can sense things about my environment is something to expect for my personality. I am learning that it is a rare kind of gift and that I need to treasure it. I know that God has used it to impact the lives of many people around me. Even if it's just knowing 'what to pray for.' It is a strange gift, one that sometimes doesn't make much sense. But yet, I am striving to walk in faith with God, trusting that He will help me learn how to use it better and for His glory.
- 1 Kings 19:9-13 NAS
I don't know about any of you out there, but growing up I was teased quite a bit. Because I was introverted, have always had a very vivid imagination, didn't care to hang out with big groups of people, and wasn't all that interested in sports, many kids made fun of me. They could not understand why I did not want to be like them. Although it sometimes hurt a lot, I always felt that I needed to be true to who I was, even if I didn't fully understand it.
One of the benefits of being an INFJ is the 'internal compass' that I possess. Since I more often make decisions on 'what feels right' instead of 'facts,' this 'internal compass' features prominently in my decision making process. That is not to say that I don't consider facts, I definitely do. But, my instincts, or the 'internal compass,' is what I used to make a final decision. Usually the facts and my instincts agree. Sometimes, though, they don't.
After I gave my life to Christ in 1994, I slowly realized that God would use my instincts to direct me to do things. It was His way of speaking to me. Almost like a voice at times. Not a voice I could hear, but a 'voice I could just feel.' Sometimes it was direction to speak with someone, sometimes it would be direction to address something in a class, other times it was “just be quiet for now...” Whether I understood it or not, I strove to respond as I felt God directing me.
This 'listening to my instincts' is not an easy thing to do. Especially when one typically 'feels' his environment as he or she is looking at it. It is an on going challenge to discern what I actually feel, what I am gathering from my environment, as well as what I am seeing. On top of that, what people say and/or do doesn't always match up with what I am perceiving. This is particularly frustrating. Since what I am perceiving isn't something that can be measured, many people blow it off. This can make any sensing person wondering if they are perceiving things right.
Because of challenges in seminary and how things are typically done in the military, I started relying on my intuition less and less. Instead I focused more and more on just my other senses, like sight, touch, hearing, etc. For years I did this and did okay. Since I trusted my 'sixth sense' less and less, I became less and less aware of it. However, one thing that I could not turn off was the fact that I could sense how people were feeling. Although I might be ignoring these cues, I still could feel it.
During this time, I couldn't understand why some days would leave me so extremely exhausted. I would work with someone who was extremely upset or frustrated, and then I would feel that way for hours afterward. There were times I was having a really good day, but then I would either have to work with someone who was really upset about something, or just be near him or her for a while. Not always, but many times, I would start feeling that way and just couldn't understand it.
Eventually I left Active Duty and sought a career in the civilian world. Although I did not want to work for the Nebraska Department of Corrections, I eventually did apply and was subsequently hired. It was a difficult job for me, but one I could do. Through out this time, I would prayerfully ask God to help me “walk by the Spirit.” That is, to listen carefully to what God was speaking to my heart/spirit, and then to respond as He directed me. What I didn't realize then, but am better understanding now, is that since I had been pushing aside my instincts, I was making it more difficult to sense what God wanted to tell me.
Over the years, there were times where I paid more attention to God's nudges via my instincts. But, it was more often that I didn't. Since both Corrections and Military Law Enforcement stress facts, that is what I focused on. And I continued to have stressful days that should have been good. But yet, I would come home from work either angry or depressed for no reason that I could think of. Or, I would just feel so emotionally exhausted that I had to rest for hours.
One afternoon, maybe two years ago now, I was driving to work and spending some time in focused prayer. I had learned many years before that I really needed to have this quality time with God to physically, emotionally and spiritually prepare myself for the day ahead. During this particular day, I found myself praying to God, “help me feel Your leading, help me listen to my instincts.” Maybe not the exact working, but that is essentially what I prayed. And, I was a bit surprised by that prayer. But, I decided to take a leap of faith and try to listen to my instincts.
What I experienced over the next several weeks as I prayerfully did this is hard to explain. I know it wasn't all at once. But, over time, I started getting impressions of things around me that may or may not match what I was seeing or hearing. But, as I walked in faith, I slowly started better perceiving things around me. Honestly, it is hard to describe it. I will be walking and feel the sense that I need to go to a certain area. Or, I will be watching what is going on around me and all of a sudden my hearing will focus on what someone a ways away is saying. There are times where I will be talking with an inmate or a staff member and just 'know' whether or not they are being honest with me. This is even if they are biting back sarcasm or feeling hurt. I still don't quite know how or why I know, I just due.
Some days, I sense more of what I should write. Sometimes it is what I should say to a person. Or, I will see a person and quickly discern what mood they are in. Other times I will be looking for someone and instinctively know where to go. Other times, I won't sense much at all. Some days I will sense how people are feeling around me, other times I will feel next to nothing. I really don't understand why that is. Perhaps it's God's way of protecting me from being overwhelmed? Maybe my senses know when they need to be active? I really don't know.
About a week ago, I started researching my personality type. As I did, things started to better make sense. Now I better understand why other peoples' emotions can affect me so much. Or, that I can sense things about my environment is something to expect for my personality. I am learning that it is a rare kind of gift and that I need to treasure it. I know that God has used it to impact the lives of many people around me. Even if it's just knowing 'what to pray for.' It is a strange gift, one that sometimes doesn't make much sense. But yet, I am striving to walk in faith with God, trusting that He will help me learn how to use it better and for His glory.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Wonderfully Made
References:
- Psalm 139:7-18 NAS
- Jeremiah 1:1-10 NAS
- Romans 12:3-13 NAS
- Jung Typology Test
- 16 Personalities
After some thinking and praying, I believe that God is calling me to change things just a little bit with my blog. There will be a continued emphasis on seeking to better understand who God is and how He calls us to reach out to those who are lost, hurting, etc. I will also be adding some original poetry and short essays (for me, a 2-4 page essay is short) reflecting on how I perceive life. That way this blog will be a better reflection of who I am, and be an encouragement to others.
For most of you out there, while in school or while at work, you have most likely heard about personalities tests. Some are more for fun, like which movie character you are most like, or what kind of animal you might be, what kind of car matches your personality, etc. Others are more series, like the ones I listed above. There are many personality tests out there, each measuring different things. Their goal is to help a person better understand what kind of personality they have. This is because one's personality influences how a person interprets and interacts with the world around them.
For example, an introvert is more inwardly focused on his/her thoughts. They can be very creative thinkers, making connections and coming up with ideas that others might miss. They are less social than extroverts and prefer to be alone in their thoughts, a good book, etc. In fact, an introvert needs a lot of time alone to recharge themselves emotionally and spiritually so that they can effectively engage the world around them. Whereas extroverts tend to get most of their recharging interacting with others. Neither is better than the other and both are needed.
Some people are more sensing (external stimuli) while others rely more on intuition. Some are either more thinking (logic) or feeling (how they feel they should react). One place to find more in depth information is here. Just as with the Gifts of the Spirit, I believe that God gives each of us different personalities so as to help us all engage the world more effectively. Because each of us perceives the world differently, and engages the world differently, each of us can contribute more to solving things.
Although I didn't know exactly what my personality type was until I was in seminary, I always knew that I was a bit different. Unlike some of my friends, I did very well in academics and was able to come up with some creative ideas. Unlike many friends who craved being around others, I was almost always content with being by myself. Instead of having a large circle of friends, I have always had a few by very close friends. My very vivid imagination was something else that not many friends shared or understood. In fact, I was often considered 'weird' (putting it politely) because of these traits.
While in seminary, I had to take a personality test as part of the ordination process. It was one of many tests that I had to take. The personality test was to help me better understand who I was. It was also to help those guiding me through the ordination process better understand where I would 'best fit.' I was an INFJ (introvert, intuition, feeling, judging). I kind of knew what this meant, but there was a lot that I didn't. One of the things that I didn't understand was that this is the rarest personality type. I also have learned that it is one of the least understood by a large portion of the personality.
As a whole, we have a 'caregiver' personality. We are good at perceiving how others feel and can often perceive how genuine a person is. We love doing creative things like writing, art, listening to music, etc. We want to help others achieve their goals and/or deal with their problems. One of the things that really sets us apart is the fact that we have very strong inner sense of what is right and what is wrong. We are typically not a confrontational type, but challenging something like our intentions or moral value is something that can set us off.
I don't know how many times I have been brushed to the side because I do not socialize like many others do, or because I often spend time in deep thought. There have been times where others have questioned my intelligence because I could not remember certain specific details about an event. Since I perceive things more through impressions, I remember the details of how I felt and what I noticed of others. Not their clothes, names, etc., but how they were acting, whether they were in a good mood, etc. Although I have grown used to this, it is still not pleasant to experience.
I recently came across a really helpful site called Introvert, Dear. It is full of resources for those of us who are introverts. And, it also has sub categories for different aspects of life and for different personality types. I also recently joined a Facebook group called INFJ Refuge. With these resources, I hope to gain an even better understanding of how I interpret and interact with the world. I also hope to help others learn to be all that they can be as an INFJ.
This is also why I am adding such reflections into my blog. Although we are a very small part of the population, there are many with this personality scattered out there in the world. It is my hope and prayer that some of my reflections of faith and on my personality can be helpful to them. I also hope to help others better understand how some of us interpret the world around us. God created each of us differently for a reason. He wants each of us to contribute in unique ways to the world around us. Sometimes, it can be hard to understand how others can contribute. It is a continuous journey that we all take. Let us strive to encourage one another to do so with committed love.
- Psalm 139:7-18 NAS
- Jeremiah 1:1-10 NAS
- Romans 12:3-13 NAS
- Jung Typology Test
- 16 Personalities
After some thinking and praying, I believe that God is calling me to change things just a little bit with my blog. There will be a continued emphasis on seeking to better understand who God is and how He calls us to reach out to those who are lost, hurting, etc. I will also be adding some original poetry and short essays (for me, a 2-4 page essay is short) reflecting on how I perceive life. That way this blog will be a better reflection of who I am, and be an encouragement to others.
For most of you out there, while in school or while at work, you have most likely heard about personalities tests. Some are more for fun, like which movie character you are most like, or what kind of animal you might be, what kind of car matches your personality, etc. Others are more series, like the ones I listed above. There are many personality tests out there, each measuring different things. Their goal is to help a person better understand what kind of personality they have. This is because one's personality influences how a person interprets and interacts with the world around them.
For example, an introvert is more inwardly focused on his/her thoughts. They can be very creative thinkers, making connections and coming up with ideas that others might miss. They are less social than extroverts and prefer to be alone in their thoughts, a good book, etc. In fact, an introvert needs a lot of time alone to recharge themselves emotionally and spiritually so that they can effectively engage the world around them. Whereas extroverts tend to get most of their recharging interacting with others. Neither is better than the other and both are needed.
Some people are more sensing (external stimuli) while others rely more on intuition. Some are either more thinking (logic) or feeling (how they feel they should react). One place to find more in depth information is here. Just as with the Gifts of the Spirit, I believe that God gives each of us different personalities so as to help us all engage the world more effectively. Because each of us perceives the world differently, and engages the world differently, each of us can contribute more to solving things.
Although I didn't know exactly what my personality type was until I was in seminary, I always knew that I was a bit different. Unlike some of my friends, I did very well in academics and was able to come up with some creative ideas. Unlike many friends who craved being around others, I was almost always content with being by myself. Instead of having a large circle of friends, I have always had a few by very close friends. My very vivid imagination was something else that not many friends shared or understood. In fact, I was often considered 'weird' (putting it politely) because of these traits.
While in seminary, I had to take a personality test as part of the ordination process. It was one of many tests that I had to take. The personality test was to help me better understand who I was. It was also to help those guiding me through the ordination process better understand where I would 'best fit.' I was an INFJ (introvert, intuition, feeling, judging). I kind of knew what this meant, but there was a lot that I didn't. One of the things that I didn't understand was that this is the rarest personality type. I also have learned that it is one of the least understood by a large portion of the personality.
As a whole, we have a 'caregiver' personality. We are good at perceiving how others feel and can often perceive how genuine a person is. We love doing creative things like writing, art, listening to music, etc. We want to help others achieve their goals and/or deal with their problems. One of the things that really sets us apart is the fact that we have very strong inner sense of what is right and what is wrong. We are typically not a confrontational type, but challenging something like our intentions or moral value is something that can set us off.
I don't know how many times I have been brushed to the side because I do not socialize like many others do, or because I often spend time in deep thought. There have been times where others have questioned my intelligence because I could not remember certain specific details about an event. Since I perceive things more through impressions, I remember the details of how I felt and what I noticed of others. Not their clothes, names, etc., but how they were acting, whether they were in a good mood, etc. Although I have grown used to this, it is still not pleasant to experience.
I recently came across a really helpful site called Introvert, Dear. It is full of resources for those of us who are introverts. And, it also has sub categories for different aspects of life and for different personality types. I also recently joined a Facebook group called INFJ Refuge. With these resources, I hope to gain an even better understanding of how I interpret and interact with the world. I also hope to help others learn to be all that they can be as an INFJ.
This is also why I am adding such reflections into my blog. Although we are a very small part of the population, there are many with this personality scattered out there in the world. It is my hope and prayer that some of my reflections of faith and on my personality can be helpful to them. I also hope to help others better understand how some of us interpret the world around us. God created each of us differently for a reason. He wants each of us to contribute in unique ways to the world around us. Sometimes, it can be hard to understand how others can contribute. It is a continuous journey that we all take. Let us strive to encourage one another to do so with committed love.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Physical and Spiritual Nutrition
References:
- Psalm 42 NAS
- John 6:26-40 NAS
For some people, hunger is a daily issue. Because of poverty, famine, war, etc., they go without food much more than they are with. Every day is a struggle just to survive. Because of the lack of food, they are more often sick, which puts their lives in greater peril.
For most of my life, I have had plenty to eat. There have been times while at work or out in the field that I have had less than what I wanted. But, even then, I have not been in great need. Not like many people out there who are starving on a regular basis.
There have been a few times where I have chosen to limit my food during a time of fasting. Usually it is because there is something significant going on in my life or I need God's clear direction. It is only for a short period of time that I go without my normal food intake. And during that time, I usually drink a lot of milk, fruit juices and water. That way I still stay hydrated and get some nutrition. I also cut back on my physical activity in proportion of my limited food intake. It is all in a controlled manner so as to help me focus more on Bible study and prayer.
Has there been a time in your life where you went without for an extended period of time? Has there been a time where you have struggled with hunger, weariness, or excessive thirst? I seem to struggle more with just tiredness. Some nights it's because I'm stressed and can't sleep well. Other times I have to work very long hours and get very little sleep afterward. I do remember one time, though, when I was so hungry my body was shaking.
Back in 2011, I left the Nebraska Department of Corrections to pursue what I was hoping to be a ministry career. When it came time to move, my wife traveled ahead with our son to our new home to get thing set up there. Although I was expecting help, I was going to be working on my own for several hours. Well, because my help was delayed, I ended up working over 6 hours by myself. Having been to college and seminary, and having a family, we had quite a bit of furniture. Throughout the morning and into the afternoon, I packed at least half of a large truck full of things. I was so focused on getting things loaded that I didn't think about eating.
In the afternoon, my help finally arrived. I was so excited about this that, though I was starting to feel hungry, I continued to work. They helped me load quite a few large pieces of furniture and finish packing the truck. Because it was now starting to get late into the afternoon, we still had to travel over an hour to our new home, and unpack everything, I didn't think about eating. Instead, I closed up the truck, made sure the house was locked, and we took off. About 30ish minutes into the drive, I started feeling very sluggish. Not too long after that, I started feeling weary and my limbs started shaking. Not a good thing to happen while driving through a city in a 20+ foot moving van!
By God's grace, we got to our destination safely. By that time, I felt bone tired, my body was shaking like I was really cold, and I wasn't too coordinated. After opening the back of the van, I excused myself so that I could get something to eat and drink. The church members had brought pizza for everyone and I took the opportunity for a 'quick break.' It wasn't until after my third piece of pizza that I stopped shaking and started feeling better. It turns out that I had worked so hard and burned so many calories that my body was in desperate need of fuel and nutrition. I don't remember how long of a 'break' I took, but most of the stuff was moved in by the time I finished eating and drinking.
It's rare for me to be so tired and hungry that I shake like that. But, it has happened a few times. After I participated in the 82nd Airborne All American Week 10 mile run, I was exceedingly exhausted! I am sure that I was so tired and hungry that my body shook. A couple of times after completing a long ruck march, I would be so exhausted and hungry that I would be shaking and struggling to stay awake. These ruck marches were 12 miles long and we would start very early in the morning. And each of us would be carrying a 35 pound ruck and our assigned weapon.
Sleep deprivation and going without food and water for long periods of time can really hurt our bodies. It causes us to become moody and irritable, we more easily loose our mental focus, we become less coordinated, and we are more likely to make bad decisions. Going without water can cause death within hours. Going without adequate food and/or sleep can quickly affect us, but might not cause death for several days. But yet, if going without physical water and food affects us so much, how might going without spiritual nourishment affect us?
I believe all of us have a physical body that we can touch and see. I also believe that we all have a spirit within us that cannot be seen or measured, but is there nevertheless. And, if it is not healthy, it can affect us physically and emotionally. Without spending time in God's Word, time in prayer, and time worshiping God, alone and with fellow believers, we starve our spirit. When God created us, He created use to be dependent on physical nourishment and upon spiritual nourishment. We need adequate food, water and rest for our physical bodies to be healthy. We need adequate rest and mental stimulation to keep our minds sharp. We also need human interaction and to maintain a healthy level of stress to stay emotionally and mentally healthy. And likewise, God created us to be dependent on Him for our spiritual nourishment.
Without regular time reading God's Word, private and cooperate worship, and time in prayer, we become cutoff from God's spiritual nourishment. When we starve ourselves that way, we often become more stressed, we more easily get distracted by unimportant things, we are more prone to be disobedient to God, and we are more likely to feel dejected, alone, and even afraid.
I have been walking with God for over 21 years now. And I still struggle with keeping myself healthy spiritually. There are times where I am very consistent in my devotions and my prayer life, and there are times where I am not. There are times where I am very consistent in worship, especially with others. And, there are times where I do poorly with that. And whenever I poorly maintain my spiritual health, it starts affecting my emotional and spiritual health.
God created us to be dependent on physical food and water and the need to have adequate rest. We also were created to be in relationship with each other and with Him. Just as doing with out food, water, and sleep can greatly affect us physically, so can starving ourselves spiritually. Let us continue to maintain ourselves physically and spiritually, so that we can be healthy in body, mind, and in spirit.
- Psalm 42 NAS
- John 6:26-40 NAS
For some people, hunger is a daily issue. Because of poverty, famine, war, etc., they go without food much more than they are with. Every day is a struggle just to survive. Because of the lack of food, they are more often sick, which puts their lives in greater peril.
For most of my life, I have had plenty to eat. There have been times while at work or out in the field that I have had less than what I wanted. But, even then, I have not been in great need. Not like many people out there who are starving on a regular basis.
There have been a few times where I have chosen to limit my food during a time of fasting. Usually it is because there is something significant going on in my life or I need God's clear direction. It is only for a short period of time that I go without my normal food intake. And during that time, I usually drink a lot of milk, fruit juices and water. That way I still stay hydrated and get some nutrition. I also cut back on my physical activity in proportion of my limited food intake. It is all in a controlled manner so as to help me focus more on Bible study and prayer.
Has there been a time in your life where you went without for an extended period of time? Has there been a time where you have struggled with hunger, weariness, or excessive thirst? I seem to struggle more with just tiredness. Some nights it's because I'm stressed and can't sleep well. Other times I have to work very long hours and get very little sleep afterward. I do remember one time, though, when I was so hungry my body was shaking.
Back in 2011, I left the Nebraska Department of Corrections to pursue what I was hoping to be a ministry career. When it came time to move, my wife traveled ahead with our son to our new home to get thing set up there. Although I was expecting help, I was going to be working on my own for several hours. Well, because my help was delayed, I ended up working over 6 hours by myself. Having been to college and seminary, and having a family, we had quite a bit of furniture. Throughout the morning and into the afternoon, I packed at least half of a large truck full of things. I was so focused on getting things loaded that I didn't think about eating.
In the afternoon, my help finally arrived. I was so excited about this that, though I was starting to feel hungry, I continued to work. They helped me load quite a few large pieces of furniture and finish packing the truck. Because it was now starting to get late into the afternoon, we still had to travel over an hour to our new home, and unpack everything, I didn't think about eating. Instead, I closed up the truck, made sure the house was locked, and we took off. About 30ish minutes into the drive, I started feeling very sluggish. Not too long after that, I started feeling weary and my limbs started shaking. Not a good thing to happen while driving through a city in a 20+ foot moving van!
By God's grace, we got to our destination safely. By that time, I felt bone tired, my body was shaking like I was really cold, and I wasn't too coordinated. After opening the back of the van, I excused myself so that I could get something to eat and drink. The church members had brought pizza for everyone and I took the opportunity for a 'quick break.' It wasn't until after my third piece of pizza that I stopped shaking and started feeling better. It turns out that I had worked so hard and burned so many calories that my body was in desperate need of fuel and nutrition. I don't remember how long of a 'break' I took, but most of the stuff was moved in by the time I finished eating and drinking.
It's rare for me to be so tired and hungry that I shake like that. But, it has happened a few times. After I participated in the 82nd Airborne All American Week 10 mile run, I was exceedingly exhausted! I am sure that I was so tired and hungry that my body shook. A couple of times after completing a long ruck march, I would be so exhausted and hungry that I would be shaking and struggling to stay awake. These ruck marches were 12 miles long and we would start very early in the morning. And each of us would be carrying a 35 pound ruck and our assigned weapon.
Sleep deprivation and going without food and water for long periods of time can really hurt our bodies. It causes us to become moody and irritable, we more easily loose our mental focus, we become less coordinated, and we are more likely to make bad decisions. Going without water can cause death within hours. Going without adequate food and/or sleep can quickly affect us, but might not cause death for several days. But yet, if going without physical water and food affects us so much, how might going without spiritual nourishment affect us?
I believe all of us have a physical body that we can touch and see. I also believe that we all have a spirit within us that cannot be seen or measured, but is there nevertheless. And, if it is not healthy, it can affect us physically and emotionally. Without spending time in God's Word, time in prayer, and time worshiping God, alone and with fellow believers, we starve our spirit. When God created us, He created use to be dependent on physical nourishment and upon spiritual nourishment. We need adequate food, water and rest for our physical bodies to be healthy. We need adequate rest and mental stimulation to keep our minds sharp. We also need human interaction and to maintain a healthy level of stress to stay emotionally and mentally healthy. And likewise, God created us to be dependent on Him for our spiritual nourishment.
Without regular time reading God's Word, private and cooperate worship, and time in prayer, we become cutoff from God's spiritual nourishment. When we starve ourselves that way, we often become more stressed, we more easily get distracted by unimportant things, we are more prone to be disobedient to God, and we are more likely to feel dejected, alone, and even afraid.
I have been walking with God for over 21 years now. And I still struggle with keeping myself healthy spiritually. There are times where I am very consistent in my devotions and my prayer life, and there are times where I am not. There are times where I am very consistent in worship, especially with others. And, there are times where I do poorly with that. And whenever I poorly maintain my spiritual health, it starts affecting my emotional and spiritual health.
God created us to be dependent on physical food and water and the need to have adequate rest. We also were created to be in relationship with each other and with Him. Just as doing with out food, water, and sleep can greatly affect us physically, so can starving ourselves spiritually. Let us continue to maintain ourselves physically and spiritually, so that we can be healthy in body, mind, and in spirit.
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Sleep, How Elusive
Here
I am.. Waiting for you to visit me..
But,
old friend, you make me wait...
I
lie here, trying to be patient.
Yet
still, you make me wait.
I
lie here and try to sing hymns.
Oh,
how amazing is Your Grace, oh Lord.
Here
I am, Lord, it is I Lord...
Why
so downcast oh my soul...
Why
do I still linger?
Where
have you gone, my friend?
Why
do you allude me?
Why
are you hiding?
Was
it something I said?
In
the stillness, people shuffle by.
Any
occasional conversation is heard.
Sometimes
joyful...
Sometimes
angry...
Sleep,
why do you make me linger?
I
go online and share a praise,
that
is still on my heart.
A
loved one is home,
seems
to be on the mend.
I
thank people for their prayers,
I
talk briefly with my wife,
I
ask a few questions,
I
choose to log off, hoping to sleep.
But
yet, I linger...
Oh,
sleep, why have you abandoned me?
Do
not remember?
Remember
how frustrated my week has been?
That
I have been working hard,
trying
to correct a dumb mistake.
I
have felt drained, tired,
just
wishing for sweet rest.
To
be rested, restored
You
visited me last night,
I
had felt a little better.
But
yet now, my hopes are being dashed
as
I lie awake, waiting...
In
just a few hours, I must awaken,
go
to Chapel,
sing
praises and worship God.
But
yet, I wait for you, sweet sleep.
Sermons
can be encouraging,
sweet
food for the soul,
or
painful rebukes for not being true.
Or
funny, or sad...
But
it may be confused for me,
not
being here or there,
just
being tired, hardly aware...
Sleep,
why are you being so mean?!
Here
I lay me down to sleep,
I
pray to God and count sheep.
Wooly
uncomforted, tired, awake...
Baa...
Baa... Amen...
Here
I lay, waiting to sleep.
The
sheep are AWOL,
gone
without my permission!
Am
I a helpless case?!
Sleep...
Sleep... Where art thou?
I
have not abandoned you,
I
am still here, waiting...
Just
where the heck are you?!
The
game of hide and seek,
is
just plain mean!
Why
do you insist on this torture?
Why
must I linger, tired and awake?
I
hear my roommate's breathing,
regular,
resting, asleep.
Why
him and not me?
I
don't get it. Enlighten me, please!
I
toss and I turn, waiting...
Tired
and awake, I listen to voices
from
next door, from down the row.
Why
do I hear them and not dream deep?
Is
there something I need to pray about?
Something
I need to confess?
Is
there something I need to know?
Oh
joy... My stomach just growled...
Sleep...
Sleep.. Oh, where art thou?
Why
have you abandoned me? Lingering?
Why
are you gone?
Come
back, come back, bring me food!
Oh
joy... Oh joy... No more baas or wool.
Here
I linger, tired and hungry...
I
guess I have to the best of everything.
Sheep
are away, can't be counted upon.
They
can't be counted, can't be lamb chops.
Here
I am, tired and hungry...
Wanting
to sleep...
Wanting
to eat...
Sleep,
you are ever so mean!
You
are a bully, goats gruff!
Oh,
wait... Sheep and goats?
Is
sleeplessness not enough?!
Must
parables linger with me, too?
Now,
here I am, lingering, tired...
Sheep
are AWOL, goats linger...
My
thoughts are hungry...
Now,
I'm confused...
Sleep,
why do you hide?
What
have I done?
Come
back to me! Make haste!
I
am tired of being hungry, awake!
The
Lord is my Shepherd, I shall want...
Ham
and eggs, sheep to count...
No...
Sleep, come back!
Oh,
it's no use...
Sleep,
in my need, you have left..
Sleep
has left the building!
I
ramble... Thoughts are jumbled...
My
stomach rumbles...
Oh
me, oh my, oh, my kingdom for some Zs.
But
here I linger,
amongst
tired and hungry thoughts...
Do
I now here sleep laughing?
Is
it just me, or mutton I get some sleep?
I
am wooly awake...
Tired,
hungry, awake...
These
sheep jokes are getting my goat.
Need
I say more, sleep, my old friend?
Are
you satisfied with my ramblings
Is
this a joke?! Are you amused?!
For
here I linger, hungry for you.
Ray
C. Underwood
13SEP2015
The Art of Creating
References:
- Genesis 1; Genesis 2
- John 1:1-18 NAS
- Dickblick art supplies
- Pebble Mosaic idea
- German artist Albrecht Durer
I have a question for you… What do you get when two shutterbugs get married and go off to a State Park for their honeymoon? Answer… A lot of joking banter of whose turn it was to use the camera and almost 1,000 pictures taken within a week. Granted, we were using a digital camera so we didn't have to buy film, but still… That is a lot of pictures, isn't it?
Thing is, that is my wife and myself. We love taking pictures. She has taken an actual photography course on the science behind good photography. I, on the other hand, have not. My use of the camera has been primarily to recording significant events (like pictures of family and friends, vacations, holidays, etc.) and to gather possible references for drawings or paintings. Yes, I do love art. I have taken an art class just about every year of middle school, high school, and college. I am definitely not a Van Gogh, Rembrandt, Raphael, Leonardo, Michelangelo (and I don't mean TMNT), or an Albrecht Durer. But, I do have good artistic talent. I have never tried pursuing art as a career, just as a way to express myself.
I have worked with many different mediums, or types of art. For example, I have done a lot with charcoal, pastels, pen and ink, ceramics, painting, etc. For what ever reason, I don't seem to be as strong working with colors as I am working with black-n-white mediums. That is, my quality of work is not as good when I working with colors, like pastels, as it is working in black-n-white, charcoal for example. Usually I will use a reference for my art work. It can either been a photograph that I have taken, a picture from a magazine, or a still-life that I put together. Sometimes I draw from my imagination.
Whether it's drawing, painting, using pastels, or photography, art as a hobby can be expensive. I have no idea how much I have paid in my art supplies over the years. And, I have quite a few supplies! And, I admit, some of them are the cheap end of a certain medium. This is more often the case with my colored pencils or pastels. I don't use them a lot and I am not as strong in that medium. So, I am not going to invest nearly as much money as I would in something like a camera or a pen set. In fact, a good friend of mine in college had a very nice pen set. He was a psychology and art double major and pen-n-ink was one of his favorite mediums to work with. He let me use his pen set for one of my art projects and I fell in love with their quality. I told my parents about it and, the next thing I knew, I had my own set for Christmas. Except it was a 7 pen set. Each pen had a nib of a different thickness, enabling me to draw more exact lines. I still have that pen set today and try to use it on occasion.
Over the last few years, I have done a lot more 'artistic work' with writing than I have with drawing. I have always had good talent with creative writing, be it writing prose or poetry. No, I have not done much in the realm of poetry lately. But, I have done a lot of creative writing over the last few years. This blog is just one example of creative writing for me. I journal at times, though not very regularly. I also have done a lot with sermon and Bible Study writing. For me, they are no different than writing a good story. You have a message to deliver and you have to do it effectively. Although I usually organize my sermons and Bible Studies in an outline form, I have used those outlines to create blog entries on occasion. My blog on Dietrich Bonhoeffer is one example.
We all have artistic skills of some sort. For some, it is cooking. Others are gifted in story telling. Still others are gifted in how they arrange things in the home. Still others are gifted in music, be it singing, playing an instrument, etc. Some have amazing gifts in a certain area, and others don't seem to be 'as strong.' But yet, we all have some sort of artistic talent.
I believe that this is because the God that created the world and all that we see is the Author of 'being creative.' I mean, think about it… Think about the huge variety of animal and plant life that is around you. Ever think how many different kinds of butterflies there are? Or how many different kinds of spiders? Not only do they have very different coloring and size, but their favorite habitat or favorite food greatly differs.
Also taken into consideration how many different shades of skin the human race has! There's black, white, tan (like Asian), medium brown for Native American or Middle Eastern, or black. In fact, there are many variations of each! Not just skin color, but also eye and hair color.
When I look around and the many different kinds of flowers one can see in the Prairie alone, I am amazed. At the Homestead National Monument, they have a large area set aside for allowing the plants that used to grow on the Prairie. Each time I have walked through that area, I have been astounded that the rich variety of colors, shapes and sizes. Needless to say, I have taken many pictures of that area alone. I don't know of anyone who can create like that! Many have tried, and have created wonderful works of art. But yet, to me, nothing a person can do compares to what God has already done.
It amazes me just how talented some people are. It also greatly saddens me when people use their talents to hurt others. For example, some people are very gifted at singing. But, instead of writing songs to inspire others, they write songs to hurt others. The same thing goes with drawing or humor. Instead of using their talents to be a blessing onto others, they use their skills to put others down to feed their own egos or the egos of their 'race.' They use their skills to feed their negative stereotypes and promote more hatred instead of using their gifts to bring people together.
We all have choices to make, and there will always be consequences to our choices. They can either be positive consequences or negative consequences. We can either sow the seeds of love, joy, and peace through the things we do. Or, we can use our time and talents to sow seeds of anger, hatred, discontent. The choice is up to us. Even when we are using art as a way to express the sadness or anger that a person is feeling, care needs to be used with how it is expressed. Sometimes, something has to be drawn or written to put those feelings into down so that they can be processed. But then, because of how hurtful they are, they need to be thrown away, burned, shredded, or the like. As a way of letting go of the anger or sadness that one feels.
As I mentioned earlier, a close friend of mine in college was a dual major in psychology and art. His hope was to use art as a means of helping people to heal. There have been times where I have written a poem or drawn a picture to express what I am feeling. But, because of the nature of what I have written or drawn, and the fact that it is something negative that I am letting go, very few people have seen them. In fact, most were never meant to be shared with others. They were meant as a way of letting go with what I was angry or sad about. Although it hasn't always helped, there have been times where it has. Not just is the act of writing or drawing, but also in the tearing up or shredding. Though I still have the memories, those acts of doing something creative to express them in a controlled manner, and then purposely 'letting them go' has helped to lessen the impact those memories have on me today.
While in seminary, I participated in what is called CPE, Clinical Pastoral Education. Its a type of intense 'on the job training' for doing ministry. Typically, it is done in a high stress environment, like in a prison or hospital. Usually, half the day is spent in a class setting, learning more about ways to minister to those who are hurting. The other half is the actual ministry. I did my CPE at a Level One Trauma hospital in Louisville, Ky. I saw all sorts of people come in with very wide range of sickness and injuries. Some looked like slabs of meat that used to be a person. Others were those who were deathly ill with cancer, poisoning of some sort, or a serious infection. During my time there, I learned that ministering to those who are hurting is a real art. Although there are scientific ideas and research behind different disciplines of ministry, how you apply it is a real art. No two situations are the same. One method of ministering to one person my be extremely effective, all the while being totally ineffective in another situation.
During this time, I learned that times of prayer, either by myself or with others, can be like a form of art. We see that in the Book of Psalms. Some Psalms express deep sadness and distress. Others express great rage at a person or group of people. Others express awe and wonder towards God and all He has created. But, all of them are someone's expression of what they were feeling, written down as a prayer to God. A classmate of mine did a class on prayer that included some hand motions. I have to admit, it I was a bit skeptical of what I would get out of that class. But, I did find it rewarding. From a book she had read, she learned that sometimes, while confessing one's sins and shortcomings, a person should try holding one's hands out, hands open, and facing downwards. The reason for this is you are physically representing the fact that you are trying to let go of something and give it to God. Then, when you are asking for God's help and blessings, you change your hand position. Now, hold your hands straight out or at an upward angle, with your hands held like cups. This is to express your hearts desire of receiving God's blessings. It was an artistic expression of prayer, something that I was impressed with and have used on occasion.
The other night, my wife shared an article with me that she had found on the Internet. In the Facebook post, she asked me if I could see myself doing it. I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical of whether I could see myself doing a 'pebble mosaic.' But, as I read through the article, I soon was picturing myself doing just that. Or, at least trying to. I started picturing how I could use something common and every day, like a river pebble, and making something beautiful out of it. Having done some really neat works of art by carving clay, I knew that I could do something in 3D. Might be a bit of a challenge, but not impossible.
But, it also got me thinking about something else. Something very awesome that God does. For those who accept Christ as their Lord and Savior, God becomes even more of an Artist. He takes something that was broken, dull, or even evil, and creates something beautiful out of it. Think about it… A favorite example I like to use is the life of John Newton, the author of the song 'Amazing Grace.' I mean, here was a man who sold fellow human beings into slavery. After his conversion to Christ, God used him to impact the lives of countless millions through his sermons and songs. Eventually, God also used him to help end slave trade in England. Something that used to be a source of income for him, he helped to end. Astounding, isn't it?!
And that is something God can do with each and everyone one of us. If we are willing to allow Him to work in our lives and through us. We can either choose to live life our own way, or we can choose to be God's instruments. One of the main reasons why I have this blog is so that God can touch the lives of others through me. Although it is an effective way for me to express myself creatively, it is more than that. It is a way for me to touch the lives of others. People I may never have been able to impact face-to-face. People that, because of how I write something, or what I feel inspired to write about, can impact them in a way that someone else might not be able to do. On this side of Heaven, I know that I will never fully understand how God has used this blog to touch the lives of others. Just like I will not know, in this life, how a 'chance meeting' to me was something God used to change someone's life. All I can do is walk in faith, trusting that God will use me. And, it is a form of art, I think, to prayerfully and actively walk with God and to be used by Him. Something that takes the common, the uninteresting, even the broken or evil, and something beautiful is made. May that be a reality in your life.
- Genesis 1; Genesis 2
- John 1:1-18 NAS
- Dickblick art supplies
- Pebble Mosaic idea
- German artist Albrecht Durer
I have a question for you… What do you get when two shutterbugs get married and go off to a State Park for their honeymoon? Answer… A lot of joking banter of whose turn it was to use the camera and almost 1,000 pictures taken within a week. Granted, we were using a digital camera so we didn't have to buy film, but still… That is a lot of pictures, isn't it?
Thing is, that is my wife and myself. We love taking pictures. She has taken an actual photography course on the science behind good photography. I, on the other hand, have not. My use of the camera has been primarily to recording significant events (like pictures of family and friends, vacations, holidays, etc.) and to gather possible references for drawings or paintings. Yes, I do love art. I have taken an art class just about every year of middle school, high school, and college. I am definitely not a Van Gogh, Rembrandt, Raphael, Leonardo, Michelangelo (and I don't mean TMNT), or an Albrecht Durer. But, I do have good artistic talent. I have never tried pursuing art as a career, just as a way to express myself.
I have worked with many different mediums, or types of art. For example, I have done a lot with charcoal, pastels, pen and ink, ceramics, painting, etc. For what ever reason, I don't seem to be as strong working with colors as I am working with black-n-white mediums. That is, my quality of work is not as good when I working with colors, like pastels, as it is working in black-n-white, charcoal for example. Usually I will use a reference for my art work. It can either been a photograph that I have taken, a picture from a magazine, or a still-life that I put together. Sometimes I draw from my imagination.
Whether it's drawing, painting, using pastels, or photography, art as a hobby can be expensive. I have no idea how much I have paid in my art supplies over the years. And, I have quite a few supplies! And, I admit, some of them are the cheap end of a certain medium. This is more often the case with my colored pencils or pastels. I don't use them a lot and I am not as strong in that medium. So, I am not going to invest nearly as much money as I would in something like a camera or a pen set. In fact, a good friend of mine in college had a very nice pen set. He was a psychology and art double major and pen-n-ink was one of his favorite mediums to work with. He let me use his pen set for one of my art projects and I fell in love with their quality. I told my parents about it and, the next thing I knew, I had my own set for Christmas. Except it was a 7 pen set. Each pen had a nib of a different thickness, enabling me to draw more exact lines. I still have that pen set today and try to use it on occasion.
Over the last few years, I have done a lot more 'artistic work' with writing than I have with drawing. I have always had good talent with creative writing, be it writing prose or poetry. No, I have not done much in the realm of poetry lately. But, I have done a lot of creative writing over the last few years. This blog is just one example of creative writing for me. I journal at times, though not very regularly. I also have done a lot with sermon and Bible Study writing. For me, they are no different than writing a good story. You have a message to deliver and you have to do it effectively. Although I usually organize my sermons and Bible Studies in an outline form, I have used those outlines to create blog entries on occasion. My blog on Dietrich Bonhoeffer is one example.
We all have artistic skills of some sort. For some, it is cooking. Others are gifted in story telling. Still others are gifted in how they arrange things in the home. Still others are gifted in music, be it singing, playing an instrument, etc. Some have amazing gifts in a certain area, and others don't seem to be 'as strong.' But yet, we all have some sort of artistic talent.
I believe that this is because the God that created the world and all that we see is the Author of 'being creative.' I mean, think about it… Think about the huge variety of animal and plant life that is around you. Ever think how many different kinds of butterflies there are? Or how many different kinds of spiders? Not only do they have very different coloring and size, but their favorite habitat or favorite food greatly differs.
Also taken into consideration how many different shades of skin the human race has! There's black, white, tan (like Asian), medium brown for Native American or Middle Eastern, or black. In fact, there are many variations of each! Not just skin color, but also eye and hair color.
When I look around and the many different kinds of flowers one can see in the Prairie alone, I am amazed. At the Homestead National Monument, they have a large area set aside for allowing the plants that used to grow on the Prairie. Each time I have walked through that area, I have been astounded that the rich variety of colors, shapes and sizes. Needless to say, I have taken many pictures of that area alone. I don't know of anyone who can create like that! Many have tried, and have created wonderful works of art. But yet, to me, nothing a person can do compares to what God has already done.
It amazes me just how talented some people are. It also greatly saddens me when people use their talents to hurt others. For example, some people are very gifted at singing. But, instead of writing songs to inspire others, they write songs to hurt others. The same thing goes with drawing or humor. Instead of using their talents to be a blessing onto others, they use their skills to put others down to feed their own egos or the egos of their 'race.' They use their skills to feed their negative stereotypes and promote more hatred instead of using their gifts to bring people together.
We all have choices to make, and there will always be consequences to our choices. They can either be positive consequences or negative consequences. We can either sow the seeds of love, joy, and peace through the things we do. Or, we can use our time and talents to sow seeds of anger, hatred, discontent. The choice is up to us. Even when we are using art as a way to express the sadness or anger that a person is feeling, care needs to be used with how it is expressed. Sometimes, something has to be drawn or written to put those feelings into down so that they can be processed. But then, because of how hurtful they are, they need to be thrown away, burned, shredded, or the like. As a way of letting go of the anger or sadness that one feels.
As I mentioned earlier, a close friend of mine in college was a dual major in psychology and art. His hope was to use art as a means of helping people to heal. There have been times where I have written a poem or drawn a picture to express what I am feeling. But, because of the nature of what I have written or drawn, and the fact that it is something negative that I am letting go, very few people have seen them. In fact, most were never meant to be shared with others. They were meant as a way of letting go with what I was angry or sad about. Although it hasn't always helped, there have been times where it has. Not just is the act of writing or drawing, but also in the tearing up or shredding. Though I still have the memories, those acts of doing something creative to express them in a controlled manner, and then purposely 'letting them go' has helped to lessen the impact those memories have on me today.
While in seminary, I participated in what is called CPE, Clinical Pastoral Education. Its a type of intense 'on the job training' for doing ministry. Typically, it is done in a high stress environment, like in a prison or hospital. Usually, half the day is spent in a class setting, learning more about ways to minister to those who are hurting. The other half is the actual ministry. I did my CPE at a Level One Trauma hospital in Louisville, Ky. I saw all sorts of people come in with very wide range of sickness and injuries. Some looked like slabs of meat that used to be a person. Others were those who were deathly ill with cancer, poisoning of some sort, or a serious infection. During my time there, I learned that ministering to those who are hurting is a real art. Although there are scientific ideas and research behind different disciplines of ministry, how you apply it is a real art. No two situations are the same. One method of ministering to one person my be extremely effective, all the while being totally ineffective in another situation.
During this time, I learned that times of prayer, either by myself or with others, can be like a form of art. We see that in the Book of Psalms. Some Psalms express deep sadness and distress. Others express great rage at a person or group of people. Others express awe and wonder towards God and all He has created. But, all of them are someone's expression of what they were feeling, written down as a prayer to God. A classmate of mine did a class on prayer that included some hand motions. I have to admit, it I was a bit skeptical of what I would get out of that class. But, I did find it rewarding. From a book she had read, she learned that sometimes, while confessing one's sins and shortcomings, a person should try holding one's hands out, hands open, and facing downwards. The reason for this is you are physically representing the fact that you are trying to let go of something and give it to God. Then, when you are asking for God's help and blessings, you change your hand position. Now, hold your hands straight out or at an upward angle, with your hands held like cups. This is to express your hearts desire of receiving God's blessings. It was an artistic expression of prayer, something that I was impressed with and have used on occasion.
The other night, my wife shared an article with me that she had found on the Internet. In the Facebook post, she asked me if I could see myself doing it. I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical of whether I could see myself doing a 'pebble mosaic.' But, as I read through the article, I soon was picturing myself doing just that. Or, at least trying to. I started picturing how I could use something common and every day, like a river pebble, and making something beautiful out of it. Having done some really neat works of art by carving clay, I knew that I could do something in 3D. Might be a bit of a challenge, but not impossible.
But, it also got me thinking about something else. Something very awesome that God does. For those who accept Christ as their Lord and Savior, God becomes even more of an Artist. He takes something that was broken, dull, or even evil, and creates something beautiful out of it. Think about it… A favorite example I like to use is the life of John Newton, the author of the song 'Amazing Grace.' I mean, here was a man who sold fellow human beings into slavery. After his conversion to Christ, God used him to impact the lives of countless millions through his sermons and songs. Eventually, God also used him to help end slave trade in England. Something that used to be a source of income for him, he helped to end. Astounding, isn't it?!
And that is something God can do with each and everyone one of us. If we are willing to allow Him to work in our lives and through us. We can either choose to live life our own way, or we can choose to be God's instruments. One of the main reasons why I have this blog is so that God can touch the lives of others through me. Although it is an effective way for me to express myself creatively, it is more than that. It is a way for me to touch the lives of others. People I may never have been able to impact face-to-face. People that, because of how I write something, or what I feel inspired to write about, can impact them in a way that someone else might not be able to do. On this side of Heaven, I know that I will never fully understand how God has used this blog to touch the lives of others. Just like I will not know, in this life, how a 'chance meeting' to me was something God used to change someone's life. All I can do is walk in faith, trusting that God will use me. And, it is a form of art, I think, to prayerfully and actively walk with God and to be used by Him. Something that takes the common, the uninteresting, even the broken or evil, and something beautiful is made. May that be a reality in your life.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
A Disturbing Trend
References:
- Rambo: First Blood (movie currently on Netflix)
- Romans 8:28-39 NAS
- Hebrews 12:1-3 NAS
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NAS
I bet you are wondering why I would use a movie such as “Rambo: First Blood” as a reference for one of my posts. That is a good question. It is, after all, a violent war movie. Although it came out when I was in grade school, I have not watched it until now. Hard to believe, huh? But, I am glad that I did. And, by the time you finish reading this blog entry, I hope you understand why I would use it as a reference.
Tomorrow, on August 10th, there will be a Suicide Awareness 5K Fun Run/Walk. It's to help bring awareness of suicide amongst military veterans. You see, we have a very, very challenging job to do. Just like law enforcement, fire fighting, working in corrections, being a soldier can have a very high physical, emotional and spiritual toll. I took a couple of minutes and Googled suicide amongst veterans. It's almost heartbreaking…
The statistics are pretty varied. According to "The Truth About 22 Veteran Suicides A Day,” by Stacy Bare on June 2, 2015, it is believed that the statistics are only one veteran committing suicide each day. However, another article, “Why suicide rate among veterans may be more than 22 a day,” by Moni Basu, CNN, last edited on 1708 GMT (0108 HKT) November 14, 2013, estimates the statistics to actually be higher. It all depends on where you collect your data, during what time periods, what demographics you use, etc. But one thing we can agree on in general, suicide rates amongst veterans is very high.
I have three deployments to Iraq under my belt. That is more than quite a few people, but a lot less than many others. While I have been near several gunfights and car bombs, I have not actually been in one. The thing is, though, even if you are 200 meters from a car bomb and behind concrete walls, the sound is deafening, you still feel the blast wave, you still wonder “What the hell was that?!” In fact, not only was there a car bomb near where I was at, but several grenades and a lot of automatic fire. It was an attack on a gate not far from where I was at. The terrorist attack upon the Iraqi soldiers was repelled, thankfully. But it was still an attack near where I was.
I have worked with the Nebraska Department of Corrections for over 7 years. I have been a first responder on many occasions to fights, medical emergencies, and attempted suicides. On some occasions I played a support role. On other occasions I was involved with dealing with the situation. There have been times where I have been the team leader for the situation. Each of the situations have left a significant impression on me, and the others who had to respond. Most of the situations were resolved in a good way. But, there were other situations where things did not turn out well.
In my time studying for ministry, being the military, and working in corrections, I have learned many things. One of the things I have learned is that a significant event (like being in an accident, attacked by someone, being attacked by an animal, etc.) affects different people in different ways. For one person, an event may be disturbing, but he or she has no lasting problems. But, someone else can experience years of problems from the exact same situation. Everyone deals with stress differently.
While I was pastoring two United Methodist churches in Nebraska, one individual that I spoke with on several occasions was a former Vietnam Vet. He had felt disconnected from many churches for a variety reason, but his experiences in Vietnam was one. While others had ministered to him in the past, they were not able to connect with him. This was because they could not understand the framework that he had. Although I had not been in combat myself, I still had similar experiences from my deployments. This helped me to connect with him in a positive way.
In the movie, “Rambo: First Blood,” John Rambo is a former Captain and Green Beret. At the beginning of the movie, we see John Rambo trying to reconnect with a former member of his team. Although the widow has to tell him several times, Rambo finally realizes that his friend was dead. We find out later on that he was the last one on his team. Now, John Rambo is the last of this elite team. And, because Sheriff Teasle treats him shamefully, John chooses to be confrontational. Of course, things will not end well because of this.
At one point, about 66 minutes into the movie, we see Colonel (COL) Trautman sitting in a bar. He was John Rambo's former Commander while in Vietnam. Sheriff Teasle sees him, accepts Trautman's invitation to sit with him, and they talk. During this conversation when it is believed that Rambo has been killed, Teasle admits that he had really wanted to kill Rambo himself. Teasle statistically asks COL Trautman, “What would you have done with him if he came in? Would you wrap your arms around him, give him a big sloppy kiss? Or would you have blown his brains out?” Trautman pauses several seconds, then finally says, “I couldn't answer that until I met him face to face.”
Ironically, at the end of the movie, COL Trautman is able to confront Rambo when he is about ready to shoot Sheriff Teasle. Although it isn't immediate, Rambo finally starts listening to COL Trautman. Then something surprising happens. Here is this highly trained warrior suddenly breaking down. Rambo starts talking about his experiences, including one of his team members being killed by an explosion. Except this person wasn't killed immediately. Rambo tries to save him, but his soldier literately dies in his arms. A loved one being mortally injured and dying in your arms, that is really going to affect you. And from the flashbacks you see Rambo having, we know that he had many traumatic events during his service.
When a person is deeply affected by a traumatic event and they develop PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), it can seriously disrupt how a person is able to deal with life. You can read more about PTSD at the VA website and the Mayo Clinic. Not every soldier who deploys develops PTSD. Not every soldier who has PTSD has deployed. Many people in Law Enforcement, are First Responders/EMTs, and every day citizens develop PTSD because of events that they directly experience or witness. Although such events affect each person differently, the effects are felt none-the-less.
Although the events in “Rambo: First Blood” are fictitious, they do reflect what some people go through. COL Trautman was able to reach out to and connect with John Rambo at the end of the movie. But, not until after one man was killed and many others were injured. And then there's the great cost of property damage. The actions of two people at the beginning of the movie, John Rambo and Sheriff Teasle, have devastating consequences. In real life, there are just as much physical and emotional damage. There are many people who have served in the military and experienced traumatic events. When they come home, they not only have to deal with the trauma that they experienced, they have to also deal with the stigma of mental illness, the sigma of seeking help, and the negative perceptions that some people still have towards those who serve.
Being more introverted, I internalize a lot. I have to be very mindful of this and purposefully unwind and decompress. And there have been times where I had to talk with a close friend or a Chaplain to 'take that step back' so that I can better see things for what they really are. When one is under stress, it is very, very easy to develop blinders to all that is going on around you. You can very easily got focused on the thing or situation that is causing stress. When one has problems like PTSD, dealing with such situations become even more difficult.
Life can be extremely challenging at times. There are times where events can seem very overwhelming. At times we have to be like a marathon runner, enduring the difficulties. But, we should not try to deal with extreme situations on our own. I cannot understand everything someone else has gone through because I am not that person. I did not experience what they did the way they did. However, that doesn't mean I cannot listen and share the burden. The Ecclesiastes passage makes clear how important it is to have someone be there and help you. Being more introverted, I recharge best during my alone time. Whether it's through reading, writing, drawing, or just listening to music, I recharge best alone. For those who are more extroverted, they recharge as they interact with others. Neither is better, just different. The thing is, I still am a social person and need to interact with others. There are time where I need to talk with others about things that are bothering me. There are times where I need to use someone else as a sounding board to better 'take a step back' from a situation.
- Rambo: First Blood (movie currently on Netflix)
- Romans 8:28-39 NAS
- Hebrews 12:1-3 NAS
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NAS
I bet you are wondering why I would use a movie such as “Rambo: First Blood” as a reference for one of my posts. That is a good question. It is, after all, a violent war movie. Although it came out when I was in grade school, I have not watched it until now. Hard to believe, huh? But, I am glad that I did. And, by the time you finish reading this blog entry, I hope you understand why I would use it as a reference.
Tomorrow, on August 10th, there will be a Suicide Awareness 5K Fun Run/Walk. It's to help bring awareness of suicide amongst military veterans. You see, we have a very, very challenging job to do. Just like law enforcement, fire fighting, working in corrections, being a soldier can have a very high physical, emotional and spiritual toll. I took a couple of minutes and Googled suicide amongst veterans. It's almost heartbreaking…
The statistics are pretty varied. According to "The Truth About 22 Veteran Suicides A Day,” by Stacy Bare on June 2, 2015, it is believed that the statistics are only one veteran committing suicide each day. However, another article, “Why suicide rate among veterans may be more than 22 a day,” by Moni Basu, CNN, last edited on 1708 GMT (0108 HKT) November 14, 2013, estimates the statistics to actually be higher. It all depends on where you collect your data, during what time periods, what demographics you use, etc. But one thing we can agree on in general, suicide rates amongst veterans is very high.
I have three deployments to Iraq under my belt. That is more than quite a few people, but a lot less than many others. While I have been near several gunfights and car bombs, I have not actually been in one. The thing is, though, even if you are 200 meters from a car bomb and behind concrete walls, the sound is deafening, you still feel the blast wave, you still wonder “What the hell was that?!” In fact, not only was there a car bomb near where I was at, but several grenades and a lot of automatic fire. It was an attack on a gate not far from where I was at. The terrorist attack upon the Iraqi soldiers was repelled, thankfully. But it was still an attack near where I was.
I have worked with the Nebraska Department of Corrections for over 7 years. I have been a first responder on many occasions to fights, medical emergencies, and attempted suicides. On some occasions I played a support role. On other occasions I was involved with dealing with the situation. There have been times where I have been the team leader for the situation. Each of the situations have left a significant impression on me, and the others who had to respond. Most of the situations were resolved in a good way. But, there were other situations where things did not turn out well.
In my time studying for ministry, being the military, and working in corrections, I have learned many things. One of the things I have learned is that a significant event (like being in an accident, attacked by someone, being attacked by an animal, etc.) affects different people in different ways. For one person, an event may be disturbing, but he or she has no lasting problems. But, someone else can experience years of problems from the exact same situation. Everyone deals with stress differently.
While I was pastoring two United Methodist churches in Nebraska, one individual that I spoke with on several occasions was a former Vietnam Vet. He had felt disconnected from many churches for a variety reason, but his experiences in Vietnam was one. While others had ministered to him in the past, they were not able to connect with him. This was because they could not understand the framework that he had. Although I had not been in combat myself, I still had similar experiences from my deployments. This helped me to connect with him in a positive way.
In the movie, “Rambo: First Blood,” John Rambo is a former Captain and Green Beret. At the beginning of the movie, we see John Rambo trying to reconnect with a former member of his team. Although the widow has to tell him several times, Rambo finally realizes that his friend was dead. We find out later on that he was the last one on his team. Now, John Rambo is the last of this elite team. And, because Sheriff Teasle treats him shamefully, John chooses to be confrontational. Of course, things will not end well because of this.
At one point, about 66 minutes into the movie, we see Colonel (COL) Trautman sitting in a bar. He was John Rambo's former Commander while in Vietnam. Sheriff Teasle sees him, accepts Trautman's invitation to sit with him, and they talk. During this conversation when it is believed that Rambo has been killed, Teasle admits that he had really wanted to kill Rambo himself. Teasle statistically asks COL Trautman, “What would you have done with him if he came in? Would you wrap your arms around him, give him a big sloppy kiss? Or would you have blown his brains out?” Trautman pauses several seconds, then finally says, “I couldn't answer that until I met him face to face.”
Ironically, at the end of the movie, COL Trautman is able to confront Rambo when he is about ready to shoot Sheriff Teasle. Although it isn't immediate, Rambo finally starts listening to COL Trautman. Then something surprising happens. Here is this highly trained warrior suddenly breaking down. Rambo starts talking about his experiences, including one of his team members being killed by an explosion. Except this person wasn't killed immediately. Rambo tries to save him, but his soldier literately dies in his arms. A loved one being mortally injured and dying in your arms, that is really going to affect you. And from the flashbacks you see Rambo having, we know that he had many traumatic events during his service.
When a person is deeply affected by a traumatic event and they develop PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), it can seriously disrupt how a person is able to deal with life. You can read more about PTSD at the VA website and the Mayo Clinic. Not every soldier who deploys develops PTSD. Not every soldier who has PTSD has deployed. Many people in Law Enforcement, are First Responders/EMTs, and every day citizens develop PTSD because of events that they directly experience or witness. Although such events affect each person differently, the effects are felt none-the-less.
Although the events in “Rambo: First Blood” are fictitious, they do reflect what some people go through. COL Trautman was able to reach out to and connect with John Rambo at the end of the movie. But, not until after one man was killed and many others were injured. And then there's the great cost of property damage. The actions of two people at the beginning of the movie, John Rambo and Sheriff Teasle, have devastating consequences. In real life, there are just as much physical and emotional damage. There are many people who have served in the military and experienced traumatic events. When they come home, they not only have to deal with the trauma that they experienced, they have to also deal with the stigma of mental illness, the sigma of seeking help, and the negative perceptions that some people still have towards those who serve.
Being more introverted, I internalize a lot. I have to be very mindful of this and purposefully unwind and decompress. And there have been times where I had to talk with a close friend or a Chaplain to 'take that step back' so that I can better see things for what they really are. When one is under stress, it is very, very easy to develop blinders to all that is going on around you. You can very easily got focused on the thing or situation that is causing stress. When one has problems like PTSD, dealing with such situations become even more difficult.
Life can be extremely challenging at times. There are times where events can seem very overwhelming. At times we have to be like a marathon runner, enduring the difficulties. But, we should not try to deal with extreme situations on our own. I cannot understand everything someone else has gone through because I am not that person. I did not experience what they did the way they did. However, that doesn't mean I cannot listen and share the burden. The Ecclesiastes passage makes clear how important it is to have someone be there and help you. Being more introverted, I recharge best during my alone time. Whether it's through reading, writing, drawing, or just listening to music, I recharge best alone. For those who are more extroverted, they recharge as they interact with others. Neither is better, just different. The thing is, I still am a social person and need to interact with others. There are time where I need to talk with others about things that are bothering me. There are times where I need to use someone else as a sounding board to better 'take a step back' from a situation.
Monday, September 7, 2015
God is Not Dead
References:
- “God's Not Dead” on imdb
- “God's Not Dead” official site
- Matthew 16:24-28 NAS
- John 3:22-35 NAS
This evening I watched a movie with my roommate called “God's Not Dead.” I have seen a number of Christian/Faith based movies over the years. Some I have enjoyed, but quite a few I have not. I enjoy a movie that has a good, though out plot, good acting, and has meaning. A pet peeve of mine is a movie that is shallow or is just cliché-ish. There are several Christian movies that I have seen over the years that are very good, “Faith Like Potatoes” (which used to be on Netflix) and “Rumors of Wars” (currently on Netflix) are two that I have enjoyed. “The Prince of Egypt,” “The Passion of the Christ” and several of the Veggie Tales are other movies that I have enjoyed.
Unfortunately, I have also seen quite a few faith based movies that I quickly lost interest in. Either because they seemed to be shallow or unrealistic. It has been very frustrating to me trying to find a good, wholesome faith-based movie. I have been walking with Christ since January of 1994 and have faced many, many difficulties. I have experienced many things that have challenged my faith and forced me to grow as a person and as a Christian. Although I have not understood all that I have endured, I have trusted God to guide me through them. Not just that, but I trust God to use my experiences for His glory.
The standard plot of any movie is that a person faces a problem and how he or she overcomes this difficulty. They have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Any good story needs to have this. For a faith-based film, the central theme is how God helps a person get from point A to point B. A well made faith-based movie can show just that if the plot is developed well. However, at least to me, many of these films seem very shallow in how they address problems. To some extent every movie is going to have its problems. In reality, you can only do so much within 80 to 200 minutes (one hour 20 minutes to 2 hours and twenty minutes, the typical length of a movie). However, many faith-based movies seem way too cliché-ish and shallow with how they address the issues in the movie.
From my experiences in ministry (both paid and volunteer), I have learned that there are often no easy answers. When someone is going through a difficult time, it is sometimes more important to walk through that difficulty with them instead of trying to 'help them find answers.' There have been times when I have sought to share a burden with someone. Instead of sharing it with me by listening, they have sought to 'answer my questions' outright. That is, to try and solve the problem instead of letting me verbalize what I was feeling and just being there for me. And, unfortunately, I know I have done that to others. We are all guilty of that. Although we knew that trying to answer people who are sharing a burden is a good way to shut them down, why do some people feel it needs to be done in a movie?
From my experiences in ministry, in the Army, and in corrections, I have realized that there are often no 'easy answers.' There are things that I have struggled to understand for many years. One that I continue it wrestle with is why did God call me to get a Master's of Divinity, but then not open the door for full-time ministry? The longest that I have worked a paid ministry position, outside of seminary, is 8 months. That was while I was seeking ordination with the United Methodist Church in Nebraska. I was thoroughly enjoying ministering to others and I could see God using me to touch lives. Because of my personality and military and corrections backgrounds, God used me to connect with several people in the communities that I was serving. These were people that other minister would have a hard time relating to. One was a Vietnam Vet who felt that others just did not understand him. However, we connected during our first conversation and had several very enjoyable conversations after that.
But yet, that door of ministry was closed less than a year after it had initially opened. While job hunting for almost a year, I earnestly prayed that God would only open the door for employment that He wanted me to enter. Eventually God did open the door for employment, once again with the Nebraska Department of Corrections. Although I did not want to return to this kind of work, I choose to be obedient and accepted the position when it was offered. God has opened some very interesting doors to me for ministering to others, both staff and inmates. But, it is not the kind of work that I would have chosen.
As a child, I had known that I was adopted. The only specifics, though, were that I had been born in South Dakota and that my biological mother had been 16 and my biological father had been 21 when I had been born. I had no idea if I had any siblings, if my biological parents were still alive, specifically why they had given me up for adoption, etc. When I turned 18, my adopted Father followed through upon his promise that, when I turned 18, he would help me try and contact my biological parents. This is, assuming that they wanted to be contacted. And it turned out that they did. In the spring of 1991, I started talking with members of my biological family and reconnecting with them. This was a dream come true to me!
In January of 1993, my biological Mother, Cindy (Zeeb) Packard, died because of health problems. I was astounded and heartbroken that this happened. Not even two years after I had first started talking with her, I felt that she had been stolen from me. I wasn't as angry with God about it as some other members of my (biological) family were, but I was still grieved that I would not be able to get to know here more. Because I had grow up a pastor's kid, though I was not walking with God at this time, I have a vague notion that God has a reason for allowing it to happen. My (half-)sister grew up with Cindy, had known her well (not to mention Cindy's mother and sisters) and they were very upset about loosing Cindy before she had turned 36. For me, having known her for less than 2 years….
Although I sometimes feel some sadness for her loss, I focus on the short time that I did have with her. I also rejoice that I am in contact with other members of her family. Considering how bad her health was at the time I had first made contact with her, I now realize that God was showing us both His Grace to have some time together. But, it has taken a number of years to really recognize and accept that.
Too often, people seek to give out 'pet answers' to others when they are dealing with heartache and loss. Sometimes it's to fill that 'awkward silence.' Sometimes they say things that they feel sound good, or assume that the person is looking for answers. And it could be that he or she is looking for answers. However, especially while they are initially experiencing the pain of loss or because of other difficulties, most people are just seeking someone to walk with them. Unless a person specifically asks what someone else things about a situation, it is better to just be there with them. And when they do ask, one has to be very careful with responding. And many times, it needs to be a dialogue over a period of times, honestly wrestling with the issue, than a 'one size fits all quote.' And I know how easy it is to try and offer such a thing.
There are many things that defy understanding. The loss of a young child to cancer, an accident, or because someone purposely took their life is just one of many things. Callously telling a grieving mother that had a stillborn, “Oh, if you had had enough faith and prayed hard enough, this would have not happened,” is gross kind of irresponsibility and it thoroughly disgusts me. I do believe that God always answers prayers, but not always the way we expect. On this side of Heaven, there are few things we will understand. It is our human nature to want to understand and to control. But yet, many times God calls us to walk in faith, in spite of not understanding. It is just gross spiritual arrogance to think such a thing. And, doing so can cause deep emotional and spiritual wounds.
An example comes to my mind that I have experienced. When I first joined the Army, I was married to a young woman. Because of her emotional and mental health issues, I was experiencing great difficulties. For over a year, I had been trying to work with her to face them. Unfortunately though, she refused to do so. On top of that, she and her parents were trying to manipulate me into believing that all of her problems were my fault. After lots of wrestling in prayer and talking with godly people that I trusted, I realized that divorce might be the only good option for me. Please understand, I knew that God does not like divorce and I was not thinking about it haphazardly. At one point, I talked with a Chaplain's Assistant at the base where I was training. I explained the situation (without names) and asked for prayers that God would help me do the right thing. The next thing I knew, the Chaplain Assistant started telling me how much God hates divorce and how I had to be reconciled to my wife. Instead of showing me Christ's love and helping me, he did the exact opposite. I admit, I had a very hard time not saying anything in response and just walking away.
For me, quite a few of the faith-based movies that I have seen come across like the above example. To be able to get all that they want within the 90ish minutes of the movie, and 'to provide good answers' to very hard theological questions, they make the unfortunate mistake of 'providing a pat answer' with plenty of Scripture quotes. This could be done well, if it is wrestled with through out the movie. But, it has to be done intelligently and with the understanding that not everything will be understood. Unfortunately though, this often not the case. Instead, at a 'critical juncture' late in the movie, a pastor or other person pulls out a Bible, quotes a Scripture or two, and then the 'problem is solved.' That is not real life. That is a very good way to turn people off from God's Grace and healing.
The only thing that I think the writers of “God's Not Dead” could have done to make things a little less 'cheesy' was to cut out one or two sub-plots. During the movie, they looked at the lives and struggles of at least 7 different people. In real life on a large college campus, there are literately thousands of people interacting on any given day. Each with their own joys and struggles. However, to make a 90ish minute movie good, I think they should have focused more on 4 or 5 main characters. One relationship I wish they would have explored in more depth was the young Muslim woman, Ayisha (played by Hadeel Sittu). She had been a 'closet Christian' within her Muslim family. Developing more her story, especially with the Missionary from Africa, Rev. Jude (see below), I think would have really helped the movie. That's just my opinion.
There were two things that I thought the writers did well. One was how they portrayed the atheist professor and developed why he was an atheist. They showed how he was very proud of his 'anti-god' ideas, how he almost always had a very good comeback (pat answer), and how they allowed him to be developed throughout the movie. The other thing I really liked was the 'challenges' that the minister and his missionary friend had with taking a trip. Instead of just spouting out 'pat answers' about how 'it has to be God wanting us to do something,' they focused instead of 'let's just trust God.' They then just 'rolled with the punches.' Through out the movie, it became clear that part of the plot was that God wanted to use them to touch the lives of others. Because they allowed themselves to be available, even though they were not where they had planned, God used them to touch several lives. Then, God allowed them to take their trip.
It has been my experience that we rarely appreciate or understand why we are going through something at that particular time. It is almost always later on that we see how God used our experience, or just our availability, to touch the life of another. Sometimes we don't get that glimpse on this side of Heaven. It depends on what God wants us to know. In the movie, one can tell that the missionary from Africa (Rev. Jude, played by Benjamin A. Onyango) had a better understanding of walking with God 'in the moment' and just being available. It wasn't that the pastor, Rev. Dave (played by David A.R. White). But, though he challenged the minister with this, he did not come across as patronizing him. To me at least he didn't. Instead, it was a more mentoring “follow my lead” kind of response to Rev. Dave being frustrated with the whole situation. I really liked how they did that.
All in all, I think that the move, “God's Not Dead” was very good. It didn't just through out 'pet answers' to solve all of the problems. And, to their credit, they did not try to wrap up every problem within the movie. For example, the woman who finds out she has cancer, the last thing the show is several Christian people taking the time to listen to her and then pray for her. There were other things that they allowed to 'just leave you hanging.' That's real life, and I am glad that the movie reflected that. There are suggestions for how to understand things, but I didn't get the sense that 'you can only understand them from this perspective.' I also liked how they played out the philosophical debate. But, I will make you watch the movie to learn more.
- “God's Not Dead” on imdb
- “God's Not Dead” official site
- Matthew 16:24-28 NAS
- John 3:22-35 NAS
This evening I watched a movie with my roommate called “God's Not Dead.” I have seen a number of Christian/Faith based movies over the years. Some I have enjoyed, but quite a few I have not. I enjoy a movie that has a good, though out plot, good acting, and has meaning. A pet peeve of mine is a movie that is shallow or is just cliché-ish. There are several Christian movies that I have seen over the years that are very good, “Faith Like Potatoes” (which used to be on Netflix) and “Rumors of Wars” (currently on Netflix) are two that I have enjoyed. “The Prince of Egypt,” “The Passion of the Christ” and several of the Veggie Tales are other movies that I have enjoyed.
Unfortunately, I have also seen quite a few faith based movies that I quickly lost interest in. Either because they seemed to be shallow or unrealistic. It has been very frustrating to me trying to find a good, wholesome faith-based movie. I have been walking with Christ since January of 1994 and have faced many, many difficulties. I have experienced many things that have challenged my faith and forced me to grow as a person and as a Christian. Although I have not understood all that I have endured, I have trusted God to guide me through them. Not just that, but I trust God to use my experiences for His glory.
The standard plot of any movie is that a person faces a problem and how he or she overcomes this difficulty. They have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Any good story needs to have this. For a faith-based film, the central theme is how God helps a person get from point A to point B. A well made faith-based movie can show just that if the plot is developed well. However, at least to me, many of these films seem very shallow in how they address problems. To some extent every movie is going to have its problems. In reality, you can only do so much within 80 to 200 minutes (one hour 20 minutes to 2 hours and twenty minutes, the typical length of a movie). However, many faith-based movies seem way too cliché-ish and shallow with how they address the issues in the movie.
From my experiences in ministry (both paid and volunteer), I have learned that there are often no easy answers. When someone is going through a difficult time, it is sometimes more important to walk through that difficulty with them instead of trying to 'help them find answers.' There have been times when I have sought to share a burden with someone. Instead of sharing it with me by listening, they have sought to 'answer my questions' outright. That is, to try and solve the problem instead of letting me verbalize what I was feeling and just being there for me. And, unfortunately, I know I have done that to others. We are all guilty of that. Although we knew that trying to answer people who are sharing a burden is a good way to shut them down, why do some people feel it needs to be done in a movie?
From my experiences in ministry, in the Army, and in corrections, I have realized that there are often no 'easy answers.' There are things that I have struggled to understand for many years. One that I continue it wrestle with is why did God call me to get a Master's of Divinity, but then not open the door for full-time ministry? The longest that I have worked a paid ministry position, outside of seminary, is 8 months. That was while I was seeking ordination with the United Methodist Church in Nebraska. I was thoroughly enjoying ministering to others and I could see God using me to touch lives. Because of my personality and military and corrections backgrounds, God used me to connect with several people in the communities that I was serving. These were people that other minister would have a hard time relating to. One was a Vietnam Vet who felt that others just did not understand him. However, we connected during our first conversation and had several very enjoyable conversations after that.
But yet, that door of ministry was closed less than a year after it had initially opened. While job hunting for almost a year, I earnestly prayed that God would only open the door for employment that He wanted me to enter. Eventually God did open the door for employment, once again with the Nebraska Department of Corrections. Although I did not want to return to this kind of work, I choose to be obedient and accepted the position when it was offered. God has opened some very interesting doors to me for ministering to others, both staff and inmates. But, it is not the kind of work that I would have chosen.
As a child, I had known that I was adopted. The only specifics, though, were that I had been born in South Dakota and that my biological mother had been 16 and my biological father had been 21 when I had been born. I had no idea if I had any siblings, if my biological parents were still alive, specifically why they had given me up for adoption, etc. When I turned 18, my adopted Father followed through upon his promise that, when I turned 18, he would help me try and contact my biological parents. This is, assuming that they wanted to be contacted. And it turned out that they did. In the spring of 1991, I started talking with members of my biological family and reconnecting with them. This was a dream come true to me!
In January of 1993, my biological Mother, Cindy (Zeeb) Packard, died because of health problems. I was astounded and heartbroken that this happened. Not even two years after I had first started talking with her, I felt that she had been stolen from me. I wasn't as angry with God about it as some other members of my (biological) family were, but I was still grieved that I would not be able to get to know here more. Because I had grow up a pastor's kid, though I was not walking with God at this time, I have a vague notion that God has a reason for allowing it to happen. My (half-)sister grew up with Cindy, had known her well (not to mention Cindy's mother and sisters) and they were very upset about loosing Cindy before she had turned 36. For me, having known her for less than 2 years….
Although I sometimes feel some sadness for her loss, I focus on the short time that I did have with her. I also rejoice that I am in contact with other members of her family. Considering how bad her health was at the time I had first made contact with her, I now realize that God was showing us both His Grace to have some time together. But, it has taken a number of years to really recognize and accept that.
Too often, people seek to give out 'pet answers' to others when they are dealing with heartache and loss. Sometimes it's to fill that 'awkward silence.' Sometimes they say things that they feel sound good, or assume that the person is looking for answers. And it could be that he or she is looking for answers. However, especially while they are initially experiencing the pain of loss or because of other difficulties, most people are just seeking someone to walk with them. Unless a person specifically asks what someone else things about a situation, it is better to just be there with them. And when they do ask, one has to be very careful with responding. And many times, it needs to be a dialogue over a period of times, honestly wrestling with the issue, than a 'one size fits all quote.' And I know how easy it is to try and offer such a thing.
There are many things that defy understanding. The loss of a young child to cancer, an accident, or because someone purposely took their life is just one of many things. Callously telling a grieving mother that had a stillborn, “Oh, if you had had enough faith and prayed hard enough, this would have not happened,” is gross kind of irresponsibility and it thoroughly disgusts me. I do believe that God always answers prayers, but not always the way we expect. On this side of Heaven, there are few things we will understand. It is our human nature to want to understand and to control. But yet, many times God calls us to walk in faith, in spite of not understanding. It is just gross spiritual arrogance to think such a thing. And, doing so can cause deep emotional and spiritual wounds.
An example comes to my mind that I have experienced. When I first joined the Army, I was married to a young woman. Because of her emotional and mental health issues, I was experiencing great difficulties. For over a year, I had been trying to work with her to face them. Unfortunately though, she refused to do so. On top of that, she and her parents were trying to manipulate me into believing that all of her problems were my fault. After lots of wrestling in prayer and talking with godly people that I trusted, I realized that divorce might be the only good option for me. Please understand, I knew that God does not like divorce and I was not thinking about it haphazardly. At one point, I talked with a Chaplain's Assistant at the base where I was training. I explained the situation (without names) and asked for prayers that God would help me do the right thing. The next thing I knew, the Chaplain Assistant started telling me how much God hates divorce and how I had to be reconciled to my wife. Instead of showing me Christ's love and helping me, he did the exact opposite. I admit, I had a very hard time not saying anything in response and just walking away.
For me, quite a few of the faith-based movies that I have seen come across like the above example. To be able to get all that they want within the 90ish minutes of the movie, and 'to provide good answers' to very hard theological questions, they make the unfortunate mistake of 'providing a pat answer' with plenty of Scripture quotes. This could be done well, if it is wrestled with through out the movie. But, it has to be done intelligently and with the understanding that not everything will be understood. Unfortunately though, this often not the case. Instead, at a 'critical juncture' late in the movie, a pastor or other person pulls out a Bible, quotes a Scripture or two, and then the 'problem is solved.' That is not real life. That is a very good way to turn people off from God's Grace and healing.
The only thing that I think the writers of “God's Not Dead” could have done to make things a little less 'cheesy' was to cut out one or two sub-plots. During the movie, they looked at the lives and struggles of at least 7 different people. In real life on a large college campus, there are literately thousands of people interacting on any given day. Each with their own joys and struggles. However, to make a 90ish minute movie good, I think they should have focused more on 4 or 5 main characters. One relationship I wish they would have explored in more depth was the young Muslim woman, Ayisha (played by Hadeel Sittu). She had been a 'closet Christian' within her Muslim family. Developing more her story, especially with the Missionary from Africa, Rev. Jude (see below), I think would have really helped the movie. That's just my opinion.
There were two things that I thought the writers did well. One was how they portrayed the atheist professor and developed why he was an atheist. They showed how he was very proud of his 'anti-god' ideas, how he almost always had a very good comeback (pat answer), and how they allowed him to be developed throughout the movie. The other thing I really liked was the 'challenges' that the minister and his missionary friend had with taking a trip. Instead of just spouting out 'pat answers' about how 'it has to be God wanting us to do something,' they focused instead of 'let's just trust God.' They then just 'rolled with the punches.' Through out the movie, it became clear that part of the plot was that God wanted to use them to touch the lives of others. Because they allowed themselves to be available, even though they were not where they had planned, God used them to touch several lives. Then, God allowed them to take their trip.
It has been my experience that we rarely appreciate or understand why we are going through something at that particular time. It is almost always later on that we see how God used our experience, or just our availability, to touch the life of another. Sometimes we don't get that glimpse on this side of Heaven. It depends on what God wants us to know. In the movie, one can tell that the missionary from Africa (Rev. Jude, played by Benjamin A. Onyango) had a better understanding of walking with God 'in the moment' and just being available. It wasn't that the pastor, Rev. Dave (played by David A.R. White). But, though he challenged the minister with this, he did not come across as patronizing him. To me at least he didn't. Instead, it was a more mentoring “follow my lead” kind of response to Rev. Dave being frustrated with the whole situation. I really liked how they did that.
All in all, I think that the move, “God's Not Dead” was very good. It didn't just through out 'pet answers' to solve all of the problems. And, to their credit, they did not try to wrap up every problem within the movie. For example, the woman who finds out she has cancer, the last thing the show is several Christian people taking the time to listen to her and then pray for her. There were other things that they allowed to 'just leave you hanging.' That's real life, and I am glad that the movie reflected that. There are suggestions for how to understand things, but I didn't get the sense that 'you can only understand them from this perspective.' I also liked how they played out the philosophical debate. But, I will make you watch the movie to learn more.
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