A Quick Update

Well, I just wanted to give all of you a quick update on my life.  It seems that I am enjoying two significant transitions in my life, all at once.  Our church is transitioning to a new pastor, and I am transitioning to a new schedule at work.  Going to be a lot of bumps in the road for a while.

In the United Methodist Church, the District Superintendent has the option of moving a new pastor into a parish every few years.  And, the church sometimes has a say in it, but not always.  Though there are pros and cons to this, it’s a part of life.  We’ve enjoyed our current pastor for over 5 years now, which is a real blessing.  Especially since he was here to help us during a really time during the life of the church, the loss of the church building to a fire.  In fact, at one point, the District Superintendent wanted to move our pastor to another church, but our congregations ‘persuaded’ him not to.  We are all thankful that he listened to us then.

I have not met the new pastor, though my wife has.  She seems to like him so far, and from what she has told me, sounds like he will do well here.  Lord willing, the transition that all of us, as a church, will have will not be too difficult.

The other major transition that I will be facing is a change in work schedule.  After a major riot at the institution that I work at several years ago, we have been working 2x 12 hours shifts, 4 days a week.  It has been very challenging for all of us.  Especially since we do not have enough staff to fully staff those shifts.  Long hours, mandatory overtime several times a week, and only getting three days off each week has been very draining on all of us.  Thankfully, several staff members from other institutions have been coming on a regular basis to help us out.  That makes things a little better.

Unfortunately, though, we have been forced to return to 3x 8 hour shifts this week.  Some staff members and administration are very happy about this.  On paper, it looks much better, I am sure, and it enables administration to potentially cover a whole shift if they have to mandatory someone (we are only allowed to work up to 16 hours in one day).  And, yes, I do understand why some would really want use to return to 8 hour shifts.

However, the problem that we will be running into is lots of people being mandatoried for overtime, potentially for a whole shift (16 hours).  When we were working 4x 12 hour shifts, we had three days off to recover.  And, many of us would volunteer to come in early and o that we would not be mandatoried for that day.  And hopefully, we would not have to be mandatoried for several days.  But now we are spread out onto three shifts and will only have two days off per week to recover.  If staff is juggled really well, the mandatory over time might not be too bad.  However, it could get really bad.

When I returned to Corrections in 2013, after being gone for about a year and a half to pursue what I hoped to be a dream career as a pastor, we went from a little mandatory overtime to being hit three to four times a week.  And, since I was working 2^nd shift, I would typically have to work the full third shift.  Needless to say, all of us were chronically exhausted for the 6 or 7 weeks that this went on for.  And, I am concerned that this will be the case again.  I may be wrong, and I do hope that I am.  I really, really do hope that I am wrong.  Your prayers for all of us would be very, very appreciated!

I am not trying to be overly negative about things.  However, if I suddenly am not on Facebook, blogging, etc., that is probably the reason why.  I will try to be on when I can, but right now, I have no idea what my free time will look like.

RC

Ministering to a Divided Nation

References:

•           ESSENTIAL CIVIL WAR CURRICULUM Chaplains in the Civil War, by Richard G. Williams, Jr. (http://www.essentialcivilwarcurriculum.com/chaplains-in-the-civil-war.html)
•          Faith on the Firing Line, Army Chaplains in the Civil War (https://www.archives.gov/publications/prologue/2016/spring/chaplains.html)

·         Article with numerous pictures from The Chaplain Kit (https://thechaplainkit.com/chaplains/19th-century-wars/civil-war/)

·         Jewish Chaplains in the Civil War (https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/jewish-chaplains-in-the-civil-war/)

·         Site from Find A Grave where you can learn more about the different Chaplains in the Union Army (https://www.findagrave.com/virtual-cemetery/100961)

Thoughts and Reflections…

While watching Ken Burns documentary on the Civil War, I was a bit surprised to hear him talking about the various pastors and Chaplains who served in both the Union and the Confederate armies.  Although the Christian faith, both for justifying slavery in the South and for justifying abolitionism in the North have often been referenced, the fact that there were Chaplains serving in both armies was a bit of a surprise.  So, I decided to do a little bit of research on my own of this particular topic, and was surprised by how much I found.  Above are just a few of the articles that I came across in a short period of time.  And, I am quite intrigued by this.

As many of you might know, I have been in the Army (Active Duty and Nebraska National Guard) for over 17 years now.  However, something I do not recall sharing yet is the fact that I have tried to become a Chaplain with the US Army Nebraska National Guard.  Although I have always wanted to become a church pastor, there has always been a problem with becoming ordained.  Back in 2010 or so, I attempted to become ordained via a different route, via the Army Chaplain Corps.  Unfortunately, though, that did not work out, either.  However, that has not stopped God from using me on many occasions during my deployments, especially my third (2010-11) and fourth (2015) deployments.

Ever since I joined my current unit, the 192^nd Military Police Law and Order Detachment, I have often served as an ‘unofficial Chaplain’ to the other members of the unit.  There have been many occasions where a fellow Soldier has come to me for emotional and spiritual guidance.  On many occasions I have been asked to do the blessings before an event like a picnic or holiday meal.  While deployed, the Chaplains where I located gave me permission to teach a volunteer Bible Study and even assist them with leading worship.  This even happened one time while I was with the 82^nd Airborne Division.

Sometime between 2003-04, myself and several other members of B Company, 313^th Military Intelligence Battalion, were finishing our pre-jump exercises.  As per tradition, one of the Jump Masters asked if there was a Chaplain in the group of Soldiers who could lead us in a moment of prayer.  This was one of the few times where there wasn’t one.  However, somebody who knew me said, “Underwood here went to seminary!  He’s basically a Chaplain!”  So, I was invited to say a prayer, which I did, asking God for us to have a safe jump.  We loaded the ‘bird’ (airplane, probably a C-130) and took off.  And, we did have a ‘safe jump’ because it ended up being scratched!

When I first started researching this topic this past weekend, I learned that there have been Chaplains in the US Army ever since the Revolutionary War.  In fact, according to the Army History site (https://armyhistory.org/u-s-army-chaplain-corps/):

The U.S. Army Chaplain Corps is one of the oldest and smallest branches of the Army.  The Chaplain Corps dates back to 29 July 1775, when the Continental Congress authorized one chaplain for each regiment of the Continental Army, with pay equaling that of a captain.  In addition to chaplains serving in Continental regiments, many militia regiments counted chaplains among their ranks.

Personally, I find this incredibly fascinating.  From the very beginning, the spiritual well-being of Soldiers has always been a priority!

One of the biggest surprises that I have had in regards to learning more about the Civil War was something I found at Essential Civil War Curriculum site.  About half way down the page, I read about how one of the units in the Confederacy broke new ground concerning the role of the Chaplain.  According to the article, Company M, 7th Tennessee Cavalry was without a Chaplain.  However, there was a slave, nicknamed ‘Uncle Lewis’ who was considered very devout.  They decided to allow him to preach once, and they were so impressed with him that Uncle Lewis (full name was Louis Napoleon Nelson) became the unit’s Chaplain from the spring of 1862 until the close of the Civil War.  How is that for surprising!

This particular subject is something that I will probably try to find a book or two on because of my personal interest in it.  If it’s something that you might have some interested in, I encourage you to do your own research on it.  You may be surprised at what you learn.

The Civil War saw many innovations in the realm of warfare, how we live, economics, etc.  It was a very bloody affair, extremely brutal and horrific.  However, I am finding more and more things about the Civil War that I can learn from.  Although many are military related, not all of them are.

RC

Some Civil War Reflections

References:

• ·         The Battle of Gettysburg (https://www.history.com/topics/american-civil-war/battle-of-gettysburg)
• ·         Gettysburg (1993) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107007/)
• ·         Ken Burns ‘The Civil War’ (http://www.pbs.org/kenburns/civil-war/)
• ·         Lincoln (2012) (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443272/)

Thoughts and reflections…

For those that know me, this will probably not surprise you much.  Fellow INFJs will probably not be surprised, either.  But, as I write this blog entry, I am currently listening to music from the Civil War period.  Yes, I do often really immerse myself into something that greatly interests me.  And, since I am researching things to do on our ‘Learning Vacation’ next year, I am really immersing myself.  And yes, I am very much enjoying it!

Throughout my 40+ years of life, I have worked as a pastor (paid and volunteer roles), been a soldier, worked both law enforcement and corrections, and have visited many different places in Europe and the Middle East.  I have not seen nearly as much as I want to, but I still have seen more than many have.  All of these experiences have deeply enriched my life, even if I did not want some of them.

For example, as a pastor and as Custody Staff at the prison I currently work at, I seek to give people the tools that they need in order to become better people.  Sometimes I am able to engage in very deep and thoughtful conversations.  Other times, I have to spoon-feed people in very basics.  This is true while doing ministry and while working at the prison.  Think that is odd?  I have seen people, while going through very difficult struggles, expose the deep ugliness in their hearts in both places.  As well as see the goodness that they might be trying to hide under their harsh exterior.  This may be surprising to some, even shocking.  Others may be smiling and nodding, having ‘been there and done that…’

I’ve been in the US Army since 2001, working Military Intelligence, Military Police, and several other minor roles.  Having been an Airborne paratrooper with the 82^nd Airborne Division during my first deployment in 2003-04, I have been in harm’s way on numerous occasions.  While serving overseas, I have not been in direct combat, but I have been literately on the edge.  I’ve had rockets explode a block or so from where I was sleeping, I’ve had several vehicle-borne explosives (car bombs) detonate close enough that I very clearly felt the concussion against my whole body, heard the deafening roar of the explosion.  Been ‘on the wall’ at one point of a compound and see tracers about a block away from me go back and forth across the street.  A furious firefight maybe a football field away from my position.

Though I have been blessed with not being actual combat while deployed, I still have lots of experience with dealing with prison violence.  I have been one of the first responders, responding to a fight on many occasions, many of which were fairly bloody.  I have responded to several attempted, and at least one successful suicide attempts.  Many Inmates have come at me in a threatening manner, actively restrained one Inmate attempted to assault another co-worker, had Inmates piss on me, had fecal matter thrown at me…  I’ve had my share of experiences…

And, many of my experiences grossly pale compared to those of others.  I have talked with several people who have seen actual combat.  I have watched numerous movies and documentaries on battles, homicides, etc.  Just like all of my experiences have molded me into the person that I am, I see how the experiences of others have greatly affected them.  Some have learned how to deal with it, some struggle after decades.

To help with my preparations for the ‘Learning Vacation,’ I am watching Ken Burns ‘The Civil War’ (on Netflix) and the movie ‘Gettysburg’ (we own the DVD).  About two weeks ago, we watched the movie ‘Lincoln’ on Netflix.  Each of these films/series have been extremely informative on what the Civil War was all about.  It wasn’t just about State Rights vs. Federal Rights, nor just about Slavery vs. Freedom.  Many people, not just President Lincoln, greatly wrestled with how to do things, whom to trust, what the likely consequences might be, etc.

My son, who is most likely an INFJ like me, absolutely loved watching Lincoln (2012) a few weeks ago.  Since it is not an action movie, but a biography, drama, history movie, I was very impressed with how attentively he watched it.  It is believed by many that President Lincoln was an INFJ, and I believed that they captured that extremely well in the movie.  Not just his quietness and reflective nature, but also how he was able to ‘connect the dots’ more easily than others, be able to evaluate things from different and even opposing perspectives, etc.  Loved it!

Like anyone who has gone through high school and college, I took quite a few classes on the American Civil War.  I though that I had learned a lot.  However, I am realizing just how much I can still learn about that whole experience.  Although slavery and abolitionism have a lot to do with the Civil War, they have their own rich and incredible history.  Are you familiar with William Wilberforce?  If not, I highly recommend looking up that particular English abolitionist.  I have learned some about him and John Newton, former slave trader turned preacher and abolitionist.  Incredible, incredible stories!

After I finish watching this blog entry, I will finish watching Gettysburg with my kids.  After that, I might read some more on Frederick Douglas, or I might try to work on my on-line Army class that I am trying to finish.  I haven’t decided yet.  On top of that, I still have to finish getting ready for work tomorrow.  Lots and lots to do.

I do highly encourage you to read more about Frederick Douglas, William Wilberforce, John Newton, and others like them.  Even if you might not agree with their theological perspectives (I am not sure about Douglas, but Wilberforce and Newton were very devote Christians), there is still a lot that you can learn from their experiences and hardships.

RC

It's a Pain

Scripture References:
• James 1:1-6 NAS
• Matthew 6:25-34 NAS

Thoughts…
As of late, I have been dealing with two significant ‘challengers’ in my life. One being the place that I work at. It is not where I want to work, but as of right now, it is where God is insisting that I stay. The other is chronic lower back pain. And, right now, dealing with both has been fairly difficult. Because of this, these two verses are difficult for me to swallow.

For those who know me in real life, or have been following me for a while, you know that I work at a maximum-security state prison here in Nebraska. I started at this particular prison in January of 2006, left my job in corrections in 2011 to pursue a dream career as a pastor, and when that fell through in 2012, returned to the same prison in 2013. So, I am going on over 10.5 years working as custody staff at this prison.

Although I do my job well, it is not a job that I enjoy doing. Being a strong introvert and an empath, my job is extremely draining physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Due to severe staffing problems, we are working 12-hour shifts, four days a week. Even with a lot of help coming in from another prison, we can barely staff all of the required posts. If that weren’t a problem, it is now going to get more difficult.

Evidently, there are a few people who work at my prison that really, really want to return to 8-hr shifts. So, our union, Nebraska Association of Public Local 61 (NAPE) took the Nebraska Department of Correctional Services and essentially forced us to return to 8-hr shifts. The official date of this return will be the 25th of this month. But, as I said, we do not have the staffing for 12-hr shifts, let alone 3x 8-hr shifts!

Several years ago, in June and July of 2013, we started getting hit with being mandatoried 2-3 times a week. And, since I worked 1400-2200 (2 PM to 10 PM), I would usually get stuck with having to do a whole 16-hour day. And, this lasted at least 6 very, long, weeks! This time around, I fear that it will be even worse with overtime. Back in 2013, our institution had more than 70% seasoned staff (5 years or more of experience). We all knew that it was just a ‘swing of the pendulum, and we lost only a handful of people. This time around, with maybe 20-30% seasoned staff, I am very worried about how many people we may potentially loose.

And, of course, the Inmates are going to see all of us being highly stressed, sleep deprived, low moral, etc. Based on my experience and my intuition, I am expecting things to get really, really bad in the next few months. I know that my intuition is not always right, and I really hope that I am way off this time. I really, really hope that I am wrong about this.

Now, on top of that, I deal with chronic lower back pain. This past May, I celebrated 17 years in the US Army. I started off Active Duty in 2001, but then switched to the Nebraska National Guard in the spring of 2005. Although I sprained both of my ankles numerous times, got a concussion during my first training jump at Airborne school in 2002, and twisted my right knee at least once, things seemed to be going well for me health-wise. But, after my third deployment to Iraq in 2010, I was diagnosed with asthma. Since it was well controlled by medication and I could still run, I didn’t think much of it. Then, fast-forward to 2015, during fourth (and last) deployment. This time, however, I was deployed to Qatar. During this deployment, I started having severe lower back pain. In fact, the first time that I went to sick-call and was on quarters (had to say in my ‘room’), I reached a ‘new 10’ on the pain scale. Keep in my, I have had severe pneumonia, a bad concussion, and a broken arm in my lifetime.

So now, I have to take strong pain medication on a regular basis, and get injections into my lower back, just so that I can function most days. Don’t get me wrong… I am very thankful that things are not so bad that I have had to have surgery. I definitely do not want to have that! However, there are times where I have a lot of difficulty doing everyday things because of the pain; let alone, do my job at work. It has been almost 3 whole years since my chronic lower back pain started.

Scripture can be a very difficult pill to swallow, especially when you are going through very difficult time. ‘Keep it all joy…’ James writes. Rejoice with chronic back pain? Rejoice about a job that you dislike most days, hate on a regular basis, and leaves you so drained emotionally, spiritually, and physically that you can’t do things with your family half the time?! Yeah… That’s a very bitter pill for me to take, on a daily basis. Needless to say, many of my prayers have been very blunt and with very harsh language.

But, there is one thing that does help me deal with all of this, some times. And, that’s reading about the persecuted church in many of the other nations throughout the world (The Open Doors USA is a very good place to start). From the few stories that I have read over the years, my hardest days are often easy compared to some of the things that other fellow Christians have to endure. I guess it’s a matter of perspective… I don’t know… And, it is sometimes very difficult to deal with.

Future Vacation Plans

It has been a long couple of weeks for me. Been trying to get some on-line training done, but the site has not been very cooperative. Par for the course...

My wife has been planning the majority of our vacations for the last few years. Because of my work load with Drill, work at the prison, etc., I have been happy to let her do it. However, during our last vacation, Sharon told me that it was now my turn to plan a vacation. Fine by me...

So far, our vacations have been focused on having fun and being entertained. We have taken day tip to nearby places to learn more about history and science. But, so far, that has not been a focus of our vacation. Enter my planning...

It has been almost two decades since I visited my alma maters, Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary (LPTS) (http://www.lpts.edu/) and Centre College (https://www.centre.edu/). I have been interested in visiting them for a while. Then, an interesting idea came to me.

Near Centre College, there is State Park commemorating the Perryville Battle. I have been to the site at least once while I was in college, but I don’t remember a whole lot. It is a major battle ground in Kentucky, remembered as ‘the bloodiest battle’ in Kentucky.

While thinking about all of this, I was reminded of a class that I had taken while at LPTS, one of my favorites. It was an ethics class on the life and works of Frederick Douglas, a runaway slave who became very involved with the American abolitionist. It was one of my favorite classes for a variety of reasons.

Then the idea hit me, do an educational vacation concerning the Civil War. As I started doing my research, I saw that there were quite a number of really good places, both State historical sites and National Parks. So, I will have quite a few places to choose from.

Why am I interested in this? For several reasons. Part of it is because racism is, unfortunately, still a major issue today. Although my kids are growing up in ‘small-town America’ where it is not ‘in your face,’ there are still all sorts of movies, news articles, etc., that make it ‘in your face.’ Another reason is that the Civil War was about Federal Rights verses State Rights. This is something that has been in the news, too. Whether it’s about Federal laws dictating how we are all supposed to live, or how people want to make their own decisions with how to live, what religious beliefs to follow, what to do in their free time, etc.

And, that is what America was founded upon, to be honest. The right that each of us have to pursue our own dreams, whatever they may be. Be it our choice of careers, things that we enjoy to do in our spare time, etc. Such things are just as relevant then as they are now, especially with how much the Federal government, through all sorts of regulations, has been making things even more difficult for many of us.






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Vacation Time

I know that I have not been very regular with my writings these last few months. In fact, it is now April and I have only made two prior blog entries. Unfortunately, I have had many other obligations to take care of. Since I blog on the side as a creative outlet, things like my job, my Nebraska National Guard obligations, family, etc., all have to come first.

As you can see from this title of this blog entry, I am currently on vacation. Last week, my family and I spent time at Walt Disney World. We left on April 6th and returned this past Sunday, April 15th. It was a great vacation, though there were quite a few ‘challenges’ along the way.

Probably the biggest challenge that I am still facing is an inner ear infection that I picked up a week ago. When I was a kid, I would occasionally get a bad ear ache. I remember laying in bed, crying, because of the pain. Usually it was one ear or the other. But, at least on two different occasions, I had an ear infection in both ears at the same time. Needless to say, that was a very miserable week or so. Although I had a lot of pain, I did not have any major problems with vertigo along with my ear aches. However, this time, it has been a major problem for the first few days. Since Friday, vertigo has not been nearly as big of an issue. However, the first few days…

The ear ache asides, it was a very enjoyable trip all together. It was definitely wonderful getting away from my full-time job at the prison. And, it is always nice being able to spend time with the family ‘making magical memories.’ There are several things that really stand out in my mind that were memorable. Of course, my wife and two kids may not agree with my choices.

One of the perks with being in the Military are the discounts that it opens for us. Because of this, and the fact that my wife is very good at finding deals, we were able to enjoy a lot of things that were within our budget. One splurge that we did indulge in was staying at the Yachtclub Resort. Because we were both celebrating a birthday this month, and because we will be celebrating 10 years or marriage later this year. At, let me tell you what, it was definitely worth it! What a wonderful, and roomy, corner room we had! Although we didn’t have the pull-out bed that we were hoping for, the extra room was definitely appreciated. That was a real highlight for the trip!

Top on my list, and probably also for my wife, was having dinner together sans (without) kids. We did this on Wednesday at the Yachtsman’s Steakhouse. This was very fine dining, indeed! Our waiter was a gentleman from Haiti, and he really went out of his way to make our meal very memorable! We each received a complimentary glass of champagne in celebration of our 10 Year Anniversary. We also received an anniversary version of the menu that we could keep, which he rolled up and tied with a bow.

Another thing that I really enjoyed was ‘touring the nations’ at Epcot and having snacks from ‘around the world’ for supper. Some of the meals we enjoyed more, others not so much. But, it was a real learning experience tasting different kinds of foods from different countries. Unfortunately, by nightfall, my ear was starting to really hurt, so I returned to the room early while my wife and kids stayed for the fireworks.

As a high sensing introvert, I kind of struggled at times with being at Walt Disney World in October of 2016. I pretty much felt overwhelmed every day at some point. Although that did detract a bit from enjoying the vacation, my wife worked with me. At one point, she utilized one of my skills of maneuvering quickly through a crowd. As an INFJ, one of the more unique things that I can do is judge spaces and who people are moving in a crowd pretty well. Because of this, I was able to guide us from the middle of Magic Kingdom to a ride on the far end in a fairly short amount of time. If memory serves, this enable use to enjoy a ride twice. Once, because the lines was short at the moment, and once with a Fast Pass.

This time, I tried something a little different in order to make the times at the parks more enjoyable for me. Because of my love for writing, I decided to do a journal of our trip. It was of things that I experienced, so things that my wife and kids did might not have been included. Because my wife is very extroverted, and we have two young kids, she planned things out so that we were very busy throughout four of the 5 ½ days at the parks (including half a day at Disney Springs). So, I often found myself writing while in line, sometimes while actually walking. So, some of my writings are quite readable, and some of them not-so-much. There were times, though, where I was able to write fairly well even though I was walking. But, this was an exception, not the rule. But, it did serve its purpose. Not only was I able to document a lot of the things that we did, when we did it, and how well we liked it, but also was able to get some ‘introvert-time’ in. In fact, it worked so well that I did not fell very drained at all during the trip. My only regret was not being able to have more time to write my reflections.

One of the new rides at Animal Kingdom was the Pandora ‘Flight of Passage.’ We did that Monday afternoon and it was greatly loved by all! If you have not watched the movie Avatar, it might be hard to understand. In a nutshell, you are able to ride a flying creature called a banshee as it flies around the jungles of their world. It is 3D, and exceptionally well done! Both my wife and I watched several videos on this particular ride, either people talking about their experiences or someone actually doing the ride. We both agree that the videos that we watched *do not* do that experience justice!

I could write pages and pages and pages of our experiences, but I think I will hold off for now. It was a really wonderful time, in spite of the challenges. Speaking of challenges… As I mentioned at the beginning of this blog entry, I started having a really bad earache during this trip. In fact, I am still suffering from it. Although the pain has mostly subsided, unless it is getting close to my next round of ear drops, I still cannot hear well out of my left ear. And, when you ear is ‘stuffy’ and you have tinnitus, the ringing becomes more than just a little noticeable. Thankfully, I have a follow-up appointment with our family doctor tomorrow about it. The sooner I can get it healed up, the better.

I hope that this entry finds all of you doing well. I have quite a few things saved for blogging on. Although I have many other things that I have to do, I hope to do at least one more blog this week. If not this week, hopefully next week.

Agenda Hijacking

(This will be written as I originally wrote it about 1.5 days ago. Things have been a little busy, so I haven’t been able to post this blog entry until now. I hope that you enjoy it.)

At the time of putting ‘pen-to-paper,’ it is almost 3 AM, Sunday, February 18, 2018. I have just sat down after brewing some tea so that I can write down what my mind has been pondering for a good hour. I don’t get times like this very often, where I feel inspired to write and can sit down to write it down.

There has been tragedy in the news, once again. There was another school shooting in Florida, with 17 killed and maybe 50 injured. All done by one angry, young man. Who may or may not have ties to white supremacist. I don’t know much of the details because I have been very busy with work, family, dealing with some really bad back pain, etc. But, truth be known, I probably won’t read much from the main news networks because I am getting pretty sick and tired of all the special interest groups hijacking the events for their own agendas.

Pretty much every day, be it on tv, on Facebook, on LinkedIn, or some other place, I see one article after another take an event, be it current or not, and make it fit their particular agenda. Those wanting stricter gun control will focus on the details that support their agenda. Those touting a ‘armed everybody” will focus on those details that give credence to theirs. The list goes on and on.

And while we are allowing the special interest groups to pull us one way or another, there are still many people still bleeding, still hurting, still mourning, still screaming, Why God, why?!” and still people ready to stone others who don’t see life their way, etc. To me, that is the greatest tragedy.

I am in my mid-forties and will be celebrating a birthday soon. I have served in the US Army, both Active Duty and in the Nebraska National Guard. Although my current job is with the Nebraska Department of Correctional Services, I have worked as a church pastor, done sales floor at Office Depot, done landscaping, worked as a lifeguard, etc. Each of these events are a part of me. Though some aspects might have a greater influence, they are all a part of me.

It saddens me that this happens so often, but id doesn’t surprise me at all. On the rare occasion where this “addenda hijacking” doesn’t happen, it’s like a breath of fresh air! I try to enjoy it as much as I can, even if it’s a perspective that I don’t necessarily agree with or can relate to. And, I am naturally angered when my perspective, my narrative is hijacked for someone else’s agenda.

About two decades ago, I was attending Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary and working on becoming an ordained minister with the Presbyterian Church (USA). As part of the ordination process, I had to attend a three day ‘career counseling workshop.’ My experience was a very negative one because of how they ‘evaluated’ me. One example that I will share is thus…

We were to spend some time drawing how we saw ourselves at this point and time in our lives, and give a narrative why we saw ourselves that way. We each had a large piece of newprint paper (probably 24x36 inches, and very thin paper) and a lot of pens, pencils, crayons, etc. My picture was of me hiking on a trail in the woods, complete with backpack, walking stick, and a hat. I was on a pat that was lined by trees, and on a hill. My narrative was that I was on a hill during this journey of my life, and that I could see a lot before me. Because I was in a forest with lots of hills, my exact route was hidden. I new which direction I needed to go (ministry), but the exact details were hidden. I also added in my narrative that I could occasionally see bits and pieces of my path, but mostly unknown. And, most of all, I was excited about everything!

After we all shared our narratives, those leading the discussion/session, gave their ‘observations.’ Bare in mind that I have always been an introvert, very introspective, a lover of nature and exploring, and a lover of learning. Although I had grown up in the church as a pastor’s kid, my personal relationship with Christ was just starting to really brow and blossom. The ‘career counselors,’ though, interpreted my narrative very differently. You see, they only saw a young man who was lost, alone, and afraid. And, I needed ‘professional help’ to get read of my ‘shyness’ and become ‘more outgoing,’ as well as to deal with many (supposed) issues with adoption and other things. I was angry then.

A few weeks later, when I receive their 8ish page ‘report,’ I was outraged! When I shared it with my small group of close friends (felt more like a family), they barely recognized the person in the report. This is based on their experiences with me over more than 6 months of being together. A couple of brothers-in-Christ sat down with me at different times to discuss what I could use to better myself and what was not worth keeping.

Although my time at LPTS was often very difficult, I was blessed with my wonderful friends and many enriching experiences. And, I will share one of my more positive experiences with you.

During my senior year, I took an ethics class on Frederick Douglass. Some of the books were written by the former slave who became a major voice with the US abolitionist movement before and during the American Civil War. Other books were written about him. In our class, there was the instructor and 10-12 students. All of us students ranged from very conservative to very liberal in theology and politics. We also varied in age from 20-something to over 50. A very diverse group, indeed! Though our Professor might not have always agreed with our observations or perspectives, he encouraged us to share them. He also challenged us with, “have you considered this perspective,” or “Okay, why did this impact you so much?” He also kept the discussion on the topic and minimized the rabbit trails and personal agendas. It was a challenging, but deeply enriching experience!

Now, I have done my own ‘agenda hijacking’ to an event and used it to push forward something that is important to me. That is, try to learn all you can from the whole situation. Don’t just let people speak, but listen to what they are saying. Be there to help them. Even if you disagree with their life stories, listen. In listening to what people are saying, we can learn and grow. By at least trying to understand their perspective, maybe we can help others to heal and grow, too.

Right now, there is a tragedy unfolding before our eyes. A tragedy so terrible more lives could be lost. A tragedy of anger, maybe even pride and/or deep lostness. A tragedy of a very young man so angry, who became so bitter, that he chose to take the lives of at least 17 people, some of whom ma not hae had any role in this ager, his malice. A young many with the intestinal fortitude to take ownership with what he did, not deny it.

Where his actions wrong? Absolutely! Should he be held accountable for his actions? Yes! Should we cast him a way and do nothing more with him? May it never be! He needs healing in his live, just like those who were injured or lost loved ones need healing in theirs. His friends and family need help with their own grief, mourning, anger, confusion, etc. Each of them are a human being, each made in the Image of God. Each of them deserves love and compassion.

Are we brave enough to help each of them? Or, will we choose to just follow some easy path/agenda that pleases us or is comfortable. Our chose will have repercussion in the future. What kind of future do we want for ourselves and our children?