Sensing God Speaking

References:
- 1 Kings 19:9-13 NAS

I don't know about any of you out there, but growing up I was teased quite a bit. Because I was introverted, have always had a very vivid imagination, didn't care to hang out with big groups of people, and wasn't all that interested in sports, many kids made fun of me. They could not understand why I did not want to be like them. Although it sometimes hurt a lot, I always felt that I needed to be true to who I was, even if I didn't fully understand it.

One of the benefits of being an INFJ is the 'internal compass' that I possess. Since I more often make decisions on 'what feels right' instead of 'facts,' this 'internal compass' features prominently in my decision making process. That is not to say that I don't consider facts, I definitely do. But, my instincts, or the 'internal compass,' is what I used to make a final decision. Usually the facts and my instincts agree. Sometimes, though, they don't.

After I gave my life to Christ in 1994, I slowly realized that God would use my instincts to direct me to do things. It was His way of speaking to me. Almost like a voice at times. Not a voice I could hear, but a 'voice I could just feel.' Sometimes it was direction to speak with someone, sometimes it would be direction to address something in a class, other times it was “just be quiet for now...” Whether I understood it or not, I strove to respond as I felt God directing me.

This 'listening to my instincts' is not an easy thing to do. Especially when one typically 'feels' his environment as he or she is looking at it. It is an on going challenge to discern what I actually feel, what I am gathering from my environment, as well as what I am seeing. On top of that, what people say and/or do doesn't always match up with what I am perceiving. This is particularly frustrating. Since what I am perceiving isn't something that can be measured, many people blow it off. This can make any sensing person wondering if they are perceiving things right.

Because of challenges in seminary and how things are typically done in the military, I started relying on my intuition less and less. Instead I focused more and more on just my other senses, like sight, touch, hearing, etc. For years I did this and did okay. Since I trusted my 'sixth sense' less and less, I became less and less aware of it. However, one thing that I could not turn off was the fact that I could sense how people were feeling. Although I might be ignoring these cues, I still could feel it.

During this time, I couldn't understand why some days would leave me so extremely exhausted. I would work with someone who was extremely upset or frustrated, and then I would feel that way for hours afterward. There were times I was having a really good day, but then I would either have to work with someone who was really upset about something, or just be near him or her for a while. Not always, but many times, I would start feeling that way and just couldn't understand it.

Eventually I left Active Duty and sought a career in the civilian world. Although I did not want to work for the Nebraska Department of Corrections, I eventually did apply and was subsequently hired. It was a difficult job for me, but one I could do. Through out this time, I would prayerfully ask God to help me “walk by the Spirit.” That is, to listen carefully to what God was speaking to my heart/spirit, and then to respond as He directed me. What I didn't realize then, but am better understanding now, is that since I had been pushing aside my instincts, I was making it more difficult to sense what God wanted to tell me.

Over the years, there were times where I paid more attention to God's nudges via my instincts. But, it was more often that I didn't. Since both Corrections and Military Law Enforcement stress facts, that is what I focused on. And I continued to have stressful days that should have been good. But yet, I would come home from work either angry or depressed for no reason that I could think of. Or, I would just feel so emotionally exhausted that I had to rest for hours.

One afternoon, maybe two years ago now, I was driving to work and spending some time in focused prayer. I had learned many years before that I really needed to have this quality time with God to physically, emotionally and spiritually prepare myself for the day ahead. During this particular day, I found myself praying to God, “help me feel Your leading, help me listen to my instincts.” Maybe not the exact working, but that is essentially what I prayed. And, I was a bit surprised by that prayer. But, I decided to take a leap of faith and try to listen to my instincts.

What I experienced over the next several weeks as I prayerfully did this is hard to explain. I know it wasn't all at once. But, over time, I started getting impressions of things around me that may or may not match what I was seeing or hearing. But, as I walked in faith, I slowly started better perceiving things around me. Honestly, it is hard to describe it. I will be walking and feel the sense that I need to go to a certain area. Or, I will be watching what is going on around me and all of a sudden my hearing will focus on what someone a ways away is saying. There are times where I will be talking with an inmate or a staff member and just 'know' whether or not they are being honest with me. This is even if they are biting back sarcasm or feeling hurt. I still don't quite know how or why I know, I just due.

Some days, I sense more of what I should write. Sometimes it is what I should say to a person. Or, I will see a person and quickly discern what mood they are in. Other times I will be looking for someone and instinctively know where to go. Other times, I won't sense much at all. Some days I will sense how people are feeling around me, other times I will feel next to nothing. I really don't understand why that is. Perhaps it's God's way of protecting me from being overwhelmed? Maybe my senses know when they need to be active? I really don't know.

About a week ago, I started researching my personality type. As I did, things started to better make sense. Now I better understand why other peoples' emotions can affect me so much. Or, that I can sense things about my environment is something to expect for my personality. I am learning that it is a rare kind of gift and that I need to treasure it. I know that God has used it to impact the lives of many people around me. Even if it's just knowing 'what to pray for.' It is a strange gift, one that sometimes doesn't make much sense. But yet, I am striving to walk in faith with God, trusting that He will help me learn how to use it better and for His glory.