This morning after church, we had a congregational meeting to discuss some important future plans. Two years ago last January, our church burned down. There was, praise God, no loss of life. Just the loss of the church. Almost from the start, some people were already talking about how soon we could start rebuilding.
At this time, some plans have been drawn up and a lot of money has been set aside for building the new church. It isnot fully funded yet. But we have some moeny set aside already. We have a good start; but, I am concerned that our focus is not where it should be. My greatest concern is that there is too much of a focus on the physical building, a physical church, but not much thought on being the church to our community.
What do I mean by "being the church?" Much, actually. Being a Christian is more than just making verbal confessions, carrying a Bible, with you all of the time, more than just memorizing Scripture, and attending worship worship at a church. It is much more than that. It is, first and foremost, a personal relationship with God throughthe life, death, and resurrection of Christ Jesus. But, it doesn't end there. Not by a long shot.
Being a Christian means being a Follower of Christ. It means living a life of obedience to not just how God wants us to live morally, but also with how He wants us to serve Him and others. I think that my current life is an excellent example.
As many of you might already know, I work at a State prison here in Nebraska as Custody Staff. It is not a job that I actively sought out. In fact, when I have been job hunting, I have sought out a ministry position. Working in a church or a Christian organization is my heart's desire. I attended seminary ad got a Master's of Divinity (2000 at Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary) because that is where I felt God was calling me. But yet, I am working someplace totally different.
Not just that, but personality wise I am in a very challenging place. As an INFJ, I excell in theological study, teaching, and ministering to people. But yet, God is choosing to use me in a place very much outside of what come to me naturally. The last few weeks have been even more vividly so. Over the last year, as I have learned more about the personality that God has given me, I have begun to better understand why I have always been sensitive to my emotional surroundings. Keeping that in mind, it might come to a shock to you that God has been keeping meposted in visiting. My job in visiting, as Custody Staff, is to enforce rules with Inmates and the visitors. On top of all that, during the visiting periods are a huge, volital mix of emotions. Just a few of them are anger over bad d3cisions, grief over damaged and destroyed relationships, grief over shattered dreams, anger over not being in contol of one's life, etc. The more people who are together, the greater the intensity of these feelings. Yesterday, I had three big groups to deal with, with one being an almost to compacity of the large room. By the end of the day, I felt like I was a 110 volt motor that had been plugged into a 220 volt outlet. Being "very exhausted"was a gross understatement. One might logically ask, why would a loving God put someone like me in an environment that was so draining?! I wrestle with that a lot.
God has given me a few glimpses here and there. Over the 7+ years that I havemworked at this particular prison, God hasnused me to greatimpact many lives there. Both staff and inmates. It doesn't always appear like I do. But, I doget glimpses at times. For example, as I was getting ready do do my searches on a group of Inmates before their visiting session, they were already grumbling about how long it would take. Then one Inmate said, "Hey, I know Underwood... He's cool..." That is all he said. Might not seem like much, but I felt a large amount of the building anger and frustration drop. They all chose to cooperate and, when another staff member arrived to help, things ran very smoothly.
Why did I share this story? Over the last 7+ years, I have had to live in utter dependence to God for strength and with guidance for doing my job. A lot that I do as Custody Staff does not come naturally as an INFJ. It has been a huge struggle on many ocassions. But, from time-to-time, God gives me glimpses of how He has touched lives through me. But, tnis is only because I prayerfylly choose to be God's instrument.
For us as a church, I see us at a crossroads. Will we focus on our physical needs of having our own church building now,; or, will we prayerfully seek to learn how to be The Church to our community? One is a road of easy decisions. One is a road of very difficult introspection and decisions. And, the worst th8ng of all, living uncomforably.
I do not know why God has me where I am at. Working at the prison has been a growing experience, but also a painful one. It is definitely not what I want and would have chose on my own. But, my desire to be obedient to God has beenthe reason why I have stayed so far. And, I believe that we, as a local church, is facing a similar kind of decision. We greatly need God's help in making the right decisions for doing His will. It is a great strugglento be obedient as an individual. The more people who gather to seek His Will, the more conflict and confusion can arise. Especially if each is seeking what makes them, as an individual, feel safe. But, since when has God called us to do things that make us feel safe? I think that Abraham, Moses, Dietrich Bohnhoffer, Frederich Douglas, Maartin Luther, Martin Luther King, Jr., etc., would argue that our comfort is not God's greatest concern.it is our obedience. Let us prayerfully contemplate that.
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