For Those Who Are Now Finished

References:
• Memorial Day meaning
• Use of ‘memorial’ in Scripture (NKJV)
• Ebenezer meaning
• Trace Adkins “Arlington”
• Documentary on a friend, Kyu Chay

If you look up the word ‘memorial’ in the Bible (I used the New King James version), you will see that it occurs 25 different times. That is a pretty significant word. In one particular case, ‘Ebenezer’ is used in 1 Samuel 7:12 concerning a site that was dedicated to God for when He had helped them during a time of great need. Sometimes a memorial was made (either worn) or as a specific place to remind the Hebrew people of what God had done for them in the past. Many of the feasts, especially the Passover, was exactly just that. It was a solemn remembrance of how God had delivered the Hebrew people from slavery in Egypt.

Here in America, we have several days set aside for remembrance of the military. We have Armed Forces Day (http://afd.defense.gov/) to celebrate those who are currently serving in the Armed Forces, whether they have deployed to a combat zone or not. We also have Veteran’s Day (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veterans_Day), which is when we recognize those who have served in a Combat Zone. We also have a specific day, Memorial Day, set aside to pay our respects to those who have died in defense of our freedom, in defense of this country.

About a week or so ago, I reached 16 years of service in the US Army, whether Active Duty or National Guard. I am over 40 years old, so that is about 1/3 of my life. Quite a long time, huh? And, considering the fact that I am writing this blog entry, that means that only two of those holidays are about me and what I have done. Those are Armed Forces Day and Veteran’s Day. Today, Memorial Day, is not about me and what I have done. Though I have served in three combat tours, all of them in Iraq, this day is not about me.

Let me introduce you to a friend of mine, Staff Sergeant Kyu H. Chay (http://arlingtoncemetery.net/khchay.htm). He was a friend of mine while I served with Bravo Company 313 Military Intelligence Battalion, 2nd Brigade, 82nd Airborne Division. Though I wasn’t as close to Kyu as some of the others in my unit were, I did know him and I did spend some time with him, I did deploy with him at one point, and I am proud to have known him.

Kyu always strove to be a positive person, joking around when we it was appropriate. But, he was also a very hard worker and was very good at what he did. Kyu and I were just two of B CO 313 MI who deployed together to Iraq in 2003 and 2004. We first stayed at a base in Kuwait while we got ready to ‘go north’ into Iraq. Because we were in different sections, Kyu and I did not do a lot of things together. But, we all experienced some of the same things. We all learned how to give each other an IV, just in case… We all learned to put our NBC masks on very, very quickly. It’s one thing to train to put them on. It is something else entirely to hear the siren go off, indicating that a SCUD missile was heading towards our location and could potentially have chemical/biological agents in it.

We all endured some very hot temperatures, we all experienced some insane sandstorms, we all experienced some heavy down pours. Though we were in different sections, we still traveled north into Iraq together. We all had to pull some very long hours doing our respective jobs, pulling security, driving vehicles, etc. It was a very, very challenging time for all of us.

I left active duty in April of 2005. The following year, while a member of the Nebraska National Guard, I found out about a deployment opportunity to Iraq. That summer I deployed to Iraq with the 867th Quartermaster Battalion, and stationed at Camp Taji, which is just north of Baghdad. It was not an easy deployment for several reasons. But, I prayerfully did the best that I could.

Because those of us in B CO 313 MI were a close-nit group, we kept in contact via an E-mail group. (Remember, this is before Facebook and other social network things that we have today.) It was nice exchanging information about major (and sometimes minor) life events with those who had ‘been through hell and back with you.’ Not only did we serve together, but we also deployed together. Even if we didn’t really like or associated with everyone in the group, we were still a family. It was through this family E-mail group that I first learned of Chay’s passing.
I can still picture many of the events in my mind of that day. I was checking my E-mail before going to my ‘night shift’ when I got the notice. I must have reread that E-mail four or five times, trying to get it to sink in. For most of that evening/night, I just felt numb. I probably shot my girlfriend (wife now for almost 9 years) a quick message about it before I left for work, though I don’t remember for sure. It was quite the blur for me.

There is not a whole lot about that shift that I remember well, because I was numb. Here was someone that I knew, had served with, had laughed with, etc. I had met his wife and children at least once during a celebratory cookout in celebration of us returning from deployment together. I can’t remember if I could recall his face or voice that day. (Being an INFJ, I am gifted with such vivid memories.) Probably not. That was probably one of the hardest shifts I had ever worked.

Some time later, one of the Blacksheep family members let all of us know that the Special Forces Group that Chay had been attached to had been part of a documentary on the SF. Of course, I let the family know that I wanted a copy. I received it some time later. But, I couldn’t watch it for some time. Several years later, really. After Sharon and I were married and had moved to our new house, I came across the DVD. We watched that night, I think. It was a very solemn occasion for me. I had hoped to see Kyu actually interact with the other soldiers. But, they did not. They just showed a recent picture of him from during that deployment. I guess they decided that, since Kyu gave his life during that deployment, that was the best way to do it. They did show how his death impacted the lives of those with whom he had served.

It was very touching to see how each of these incredible ‘hard core’ men dealt with this loss. Each had their own way of mourning their loss, just like each of us in the Blacksheep family did. Many of them knew Kyu for much less time than those of us in the 313th MI. But, Kyu’s love for life, sense of humor, dedication to duty, etc., had touched each of these men deeply, and their loss was very evident.

Many of us today have served with wonderful and honorable people, risking our health, even our very lives, in service to this country. Though we often don’t agree, we often step on each others’ toes, and we can passionately dislike each other. But yet, because of our shared training, shared deployment, shared service, and potential shared sacrifice, we are a family. Some we love, some we like/tolerate, some we don’t like much at all. But, we are family indeed.

For those who have never experienced this yourselves, be thankful. Even if you have lost a loved one during a deployment, it is different with how you experience it compared to those of us who actually served with them. The loss is no less painful, it’s just different. Just trust me with this.

As we observe Memorial Day now and in the future, please do not thank me for my service. Save that for Armed Forces Day, Veteran’s Day, or the Army Birthday. Memorial Day is when we take time to remember those who laid down their lives to protect our freedoms. It is not a ‘happy day.’ to any of use who have lost a loved one. It can be a sad day, or an extremely painful one. Sure, we have our happy memories of the individual(s). But, that chair is now empty in our lives. For some of us, being ‘thanked for our service’ or being wished ‘Happy Memorial Day’ can be painful, even insulting.

Each of us mourn our losses in our own ways. Tonight I will introduce my kids to my good friend and brother, Kyu Chay. Like myself and many, many others, we signed up to serve our country up to and including our very lives. We all gave some. Like many others over the decades, centuries even, Kyu Chay gave his very all. Today, Memorial Day, as all about them. Kyu, feet and knees together brother. Feet and knees together.