Grow Where You are Planted

It has been quite a long time since I posted anything on my blog. On many occasions, I have thought about posting something. This has been because of other priorities, not writing my ideas down at the time and then forgetting them, or for other reasons. Having a full-time job (with occasional or regular overtime), my National Guard duties, wife and two kids, etc., free time is a premium.

I cannot remember if I have mentioned what I do for a living. My full-time job is with the Nebraska Department of Corrections as Custody Staff (current rank is Corporal). With the Nebraska National Guard, I am a 31B (Military Police officer). I am a qualified Traffic Accident Investigator, though I have not done much with that training. Last year, I also completed a 31E reclass school for Military Police Corrections. For those who did not know, that is where the 'Law' aspect of my blog comes into play. Believe it or not, State Corrections is a branch of Law Enforcement. In fact, there are three branches. You have the regular Law Enforcement (local police, sheriff, State Patrol, etc.), the Judicial Branch (the Court system) and you have Corrections. The first apprehends or arrests people accused of breaking laws, the second tries them (guilty or not guilty), and the third deals with their incarceration.

The 'Grace' aspect of this blog comes from the fact that I have studied theology at Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary and have a Masters of Divinity (M. Div.). Although I have all the theological training to be a minister and a lot of pastoral experience (both paid and unpaid), I am not ordained.

This makes for an interesting situation for me. A quandary of sorts… My background is theology and ministry. In fact, that is what comes most naturally to me. I am most Spiritually Gifted in Teaching, Evangelizing, and Pastoring. I love teaching, either in a classroom setting or from the pulpit. However, those primary Gifts are not the focal point of my current employment as a Corrections Professional and a MP with the Nebraska Army National Guard. Both jobs are ones that I can do will and can get some fulfillment from. However, it is not what comes most naturally to me. And, sometimes, it is very difficult for me to do. My work at the prison is very stressful at times. And, quite honestly, I have often wrestled with God concerning why I am He has not called me to full-time ministry. When I felt God’s calling to ministry while at Centre College in 1994, the impression that I had at the time was that God was calling me to full-time ministry. That is definitely not the case here!

To be honest, there have been times where I have been very angry with God concerning my current employment. My work, as I already mention, is sometimes very, very stressful. And, since it is not work that totally comes naturally to me (I often feel like a square peg in a round hole), that makes it even more stressful, draining, and frustrating. And, on top of all this, several people have said, “Grow where you are planted.” Yeah… That has felt like salt in the wound on many occasions.

But, in the last few years, it seems that God has given me glimpses of what He might have planned for me as far as ministry goes. And, it seems that it may, as a matter of fact, not be ‘traditional ministry.’ That is, not in a church setting. Currently, I am a Religious Coordinator Assistant at TSCI. That is, my job is to fill in the Religious Coordinator position when he/she is not there. Although I have not filled this role very often, I have found that it comes to me very naturally. Because my work is more of a facilitator then chaplain, it is not the same kind of work that I have trained to do. But, I still get a lot of fulfillment from it, it comes to me easily, and I do enjoy the work that I do. Unfortunately, I just don’t get to do it very often.

I am seeking ordination in the Evangelical Covenant Order of Presbyterians (eco-pres.org). This ecclesiastical endorsement would fulfill the basic requirements for becoming a Religious Coordinator with the Nebraska Department of Corrections and a Chaplain with the Nebraska Army National Guard. I have already started the process. However, things are really going slow. And, yes, that is very frustrating to me.

And, even though the phrase, ‘grow where you are planted’ still feels like salt in the wound. It is not quite as much so. That is because I am better seeing how my previous experiences and training would better open doors for ministry in a prison setting and in the military. I still often feel frustrated where I am and wish that I had a different job. But, as I focus more on fulfilling the work that God wants me to do right now, it becomes somewhat easier to handle.

Perhaps God’s plan, overall, was fulltime ministry. It wasn’t going to be immediately after leaving seminary like I originally was expecting. And, quite honestly, was hoping. And, it turns out, that though I can do church ministry well, that seems to not be where God will eventually call me. Though I could be wrong, it seems that God is seeking to use me in a fulltime ministry with prisoners. At least, that is where it appears to be pointing to at this time.

One of the things I have had to repeatedly learn is that our plans or often not what God plans for us. It is often very difficult, even painful, when our expectations and dreams do not become a reality because God has something else in store for us. But, I am slowly (and, I admit, stubbornly) learning that God knows what is best for me. And, though where I am currently planted may not be where I am at 5 years for now, God still wants to do things through me, where I am at. As I have slowly accepted this, I have seen God better work through me and touch the lives of others. Even at TSCI, I have more clearly seen God at work through me and impact those around me. It’s still painful and difficult at times working there, and I still feel more like a fish out of water than a fox in its den. But, perhaps God still has things to prepare for me (and where He is calling me) that require me to be where I am at right now. At least, after much prayer, meditating on Scripture, etc., that is the comfort that I have. The Lord only knows, though. God only knows.

RC